The Subtle Moments
by Fai7hl3ss
Summary: Another AN update, but it might be of some interest to some people. Read if you want, it's not necessary.
1. Dawn of a New Age

  
  


**_The Subtle Moments  
Chapter 1: Dawn to a New Age_**

  
"You gonna come inside any time soon, Faye?" Jet asked while he was walking back the hangar, lightly tossing his used up butt on the sandy ground. Faye stood there for a moment without talking or even looking at him. Her eyes were as blank as they always have been, just staring out into the distance. He almost doubted that she heard him, but for some reason he knew. She could always see without actually seeing, but she also heard what was going on around her. It was often strange for him to watch her in this type of trance, but after watching her be like this for three years, it was anything but surprising. 

She stood with her left arm tightly wrapped around her body while her right elbow was propped on top of it holding a half burnt cigarette to her lips. Taking a drag, she let out a gentle sigh before slightly turning her head in Jet's direction. Her eyes were glazed over for a moment as if she didn't recognize him, but then they almost got their normal glow back again. Bowing her head a little, she pulled the cigarette away from her mouth and stared him through half lidded eyes. 

She said, "Yea, I think I will." Tossing the cigarette away, she crushed it beneath her black boot before crossing her arms over her chest and following behind Jet into the ship. "You know I need to check up on him anyway." 

He accepted her response as he opened the hatch door into the ship. She silently followed with a distant look in her eyes, not really seeing where she was going, but more like knowing when to turn and where the walls were going to be. 

In the distance, she could hear the idle clicking of Edward typing on her computer. She assumed that Ein was asleep near her when there were no barking sounds to be heard. They had returned shortly after Spike's dramatic exit, which was a surprise to both Jet and herself. At first, it wasn't clear why they had come back, but as soon as Ed told her where Spike was, she was sure that it was to help them get him back. She was grateful for that, and it shocked her how Ed had grown up so much and so fast in the three years to come after that day. 

Jet had disappeared into his bonsai room as Faye still mutely roamed the halls. Like always, small snippets of memories about the past years aboard the BeBop entered her mind. So much had changed since she originally boarded this ship. For one thing, the ship was now constantly quiet, and she could tell that it was starting to get under everyone else's skin, including her own. Jet seemed more withdrawn yet fatherly toward Ed and herself, but it was hard for Jet to act like Faye's father at first when the several large bottles of liquor had become her best friends. Those first months were the hardest of the troubling times. After they had finally stabilized Spike's condition, even though he was still deep in a coma and showed no signs of waking any time in the near future, she soon stopped drinking. Heavily, anyway. 

Ed had changed the most out of all of them in the past few years, but her reasons were slightly different from herself and Jet. Ed now stuck to wearing loosely fitting jeans and a white tank-top. She cut her fiery hair shorter, making it more manageable, if anything. It wasn't just her appearances that changed though, because in that respect, they all had changed physically. Ed just became older and more mature faster than Jet and Faye would have given her credit for. She still talked in the third person every now and then, but that was just out of habit. She had a more serious tone to her, yet the childish sparkle was still in her eyes. 

Faye was almost damn sure that Ed was the reason that they were all still as close as they were. She was the one that still looked up the bounties and kept them in good humor from time to time, but even she could tell that the shadows in Faye and Jet's eyes would only disappear when and if that "Lunkhead" would ever wake up. Nevertheless, she hoped he would. They all did. 

Faye looked up to see where she was walking and noticed that she was standing in front of Spike's bedroom door. How she got here in the ship, she never really knew, but she could tell that getting to his room was a matter of instinct, not memory. She had been too boozed up and nonchalant to care much about remembering anything recently. If she knew it, it was important, and that was the end of the discussion. 

Quietly opening the door, she looked into the room to see her fallen comrade. A soft sigh passed her lips as she looked at his condition. It was the same, really. Day in, day out, for the past three years it was always the same. He was hooked up to a respirator that they had to slightly "borrow" from a hospital, but they had plenty, so they wouldn't miss it. And along with the stole respirator, there were the IV tubes, the feeding tubes, and anything that looked relatively important and necessary in the hospitals. Stealing from a hospital was hard, but figuring out how to work all the equipment, well at first, it was safe to say that it was almost damned near impossible. Once again, it was going to be something that she would have to thank Ed for later. That girl could find out almost anything she wanted on that computer, and she only got better over time. 

She walked into the room, listening to the sound of her now black boots echoing throughout the room. The silence made the noise seem almost deafening to her ears, but as soon as her eyes locked onto Spike's figure, all else was forgotten. 

At first, it had been Jet's job to take care of their idiot, suicidal friend. Ed was too young to know fully how to take care of him, and, in the beginning, Faye wasn't going to give Jet a chance in Hell to separate her from Mr. Bacardi Silver. So, he was left with all the hard tasks of figuring out how to hook Spike up to that confusing shit before he starved to death in his sleep. Needless to say, it took some serious work. When his condition was stabilized, everything seemed to fall back into place in its own time. Ed became calmer and knew that they all needed their silence, as eerie as it might have been. Ein was only frisky around Ed, since he could basically sense that Faye and Jet were not in the mood for anything most of the time. Faye had disappeared for a few weeks, and Jet took care of Spike treating him better than his many bonsais. 

Where Faye had gone, no one knew, and no one asked. All Ed and Jet knew was that one day she was gone, and then three weeks later she came back. New look, new attire, and without _as much_ Mr. Bacardi Silver. That was the most important part. Her outfit did surprise him though, and he though that it was better since she wore a little less revealing clothes. It was a small step forward, he had thought, but it was still a step. 

A small smile slid across Faye's face. As she took her seat next to Spike, she remembered that little moment when she had first come back. To say the look on Jet's face was priceless was an understatement. She lost her white boots to replace them with black ones, and the mid-thigh stockings were gone as well. She wore a short, wine colored leather skirt that clung tightly to her hips, and she wore a black halter top that was made of the same material as her last shirt. The red jacket was gone, replaced by another one that was made out of the same material as her skirt. Finally, her headband had disappeared totally. 

Jet's face had almost dropped, but no comment was made. There was no need for one. Her whole attitude almost screamed out, "Shut the Hell up; I'll do what I want," and Jet took its advice. If she wanted to change her look and do what she pleased to do, that was her business, but he was sure as Hell not going to be the only one taking care of Spike. That was how the whole job of watching over him and taking care of him became her full time assignment. After that, everyone seemed to have their respective jobs. Ed was the one the found the bounties and knew where they were going, Jet got the bounties, retrieved the money, cooked, and repaired the ships, and Faye ran the smaller errands, and took care of Spike. Every now and then she would go out and get a bounty herself, but she seemed more dedicated to Spike than the other two had originally thought. 

And that was how they had spent their last three years together. It was harmony, as messed up as it might have seemed. Now, here she was, almost a completely different person with a past and all, but the only thing that was out of order was her attachment to this green-haired bad boy that she watched over. Sometimes she would talk to him and hold his hand, other times she wouldn't do much of anything. Now was one of those latter times. It had come to the point where there was nothing left to be said except the mundane everyday stuff, but nothing had happened that day, so there was nothing to say. 

Her eyes took their time dragging over his form like they always did, taking in every detail that she could. His face looked the same, and his cuts and bruises had all healed. The only thing that was left was for him to actually wake up, but no one knew when that was going to happen. Unlike before, he seemed more responsive to the outside would. Small things started happening such as him reacting to sunlight and making faces when certain things were mentioned. It was almost as if he had just been sleeping, and nothing more. But maybe that's what it always had been. One really long nap. Well, if that was the case, if he didn't get his ass up soon, someone, like Faye for instance, would have to kick it for him. 

She now went in everyday hoping that he would be sitting up in his bed, staring at all the medical equipment before lashing out at her with a sharp, "What the Hell?" It was either that, or him waking up while she was in there. That would have been the better choice. A part of her wanted herself to be the first thing that he saw when he woke up, but today wasn't going to be that day. 

And it wasn't that day. That day didn't arrive until a week later. 

*** * ***

"Goddamn it, Faye!" Jet snapped from the bathroom. She turned around from where she was in the hall, about a few doors down from where he was. Two now damp towels were wrapped around her hair and upper body as she glanced at the bathroom door. She softly counted down to herself knowing what would happen. As expected, Jet stuck his head out the door when she hit zero, and started scolding her. 

If there was one thing guaranteed about everyday, this had to be it. Every morning, this would be the one scene that never changed. It was the one argument that still occurred on a regular basis like it was a television program. _Coming up next at eight am, Bathroom Brawls with Faye Valentine and Jet Black_. She smirked to herself, knowing what was going to come up next. It was like persistent Déja Vu. 

He growled at her, "Get that damn smirk off your face. We go through this shit everyday, and it _never_ changes! I've told you time and time again, don't-" 

"Use up all the hot water. Yes Daddy, I know. Too bad that I don't care," she commented curtly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go get dressed. It's kinda drafty in here," Faye stated before turning around and heading toward her room down the hall. She could faintly hear Jet cursing after her, but she didn't really need to listen to know what was being said. 

"Fine, be a bitch, Faye! But if you use up all the damn water again, I'm kicking your ass off this ship!" Every time he had said the same thing. Every time they both knew that it wasn't true. 

Faye walked into her room and felt like having a lazy day. She quickly towel dried her hair before slipping into her wine and black outfit. Pulling her hair back into a high bun, she slipped a hair tie around the purple mass, completely disregarding the extra strands that fell out of place. When simple stuff like that always happened, what was the point of fussing about it? Faye scanned the room with her eyes, before seeing what she was looking for. She slipped the jacket onto her shoulders after pulling out her pack of cigarettes from the left pocket. Finally, she grabbed the lighter that she had stolen from Spike's room and strolled out of the room. 

Sighing to herself, she saw Ed walking in the hallway with her flip flops on, humming a small tune that she had become accustomed to hearing. Ed looked up at Faye when the song was finished and gave her a casual grin. "How's it goin', Faye-Faye?" she asked while slipping her hands behind her head and sticking her hip out to the side a little bit more than necessary. Faye couldn't help but smile back at the teen. 

"You know how it is, Ed," she replied with a slightly bored tone in her voice. Before she started to walk away, she gave a clearer meaning. "Same shit, different day, Ed. Same shit, different day." 

Ed stood on her hands and walked over to Faye in an unusually fast pace. "Ed knows. By the way, Jet said that as soon as you're finished eating out the whole kitchen, he wants you to go check up on Spike. He said something about Spike-person being more restless than usual." Faye nodded once before heading toward the kitchen for her breakfast. "Don't forget to bring food for Edward and Ein, Faye-Faye!" Ed called after her before flipping back onto her feet and running out of the hall. 

Entering the kitchen, Faye pulled the unlit cigarette out of her mouth, and placed it back into her pocket with the lighter. She then pulled out a beer and a pre-made bowl of cereal from the fridge. It wasn't long until Jet walked into the room with his arms hanging loosely at his side and a bored expression on his face. 

"I am assuming that you got my message from Ed?" He asked; it was more of a statement than a question. He also pulled a beer from the fridge, and took a quick swig from the bottle without looking at her. After a moment of silence, he glanced her way to see if she had indeed heard his question. Faye nodded, "Yes, I received it from your messenger, although why you couldn't come and say it yourself is beyond me." He took another swig and nodded. Glancing around the room, he felt a sudden moment of peace, yet he didn't know why it had existed. They were rare moments, but they seemed to have been appearing more often for some reason. Tossing the feeling aside, he felt that there was nothing more to say, so then turned around to leave the room. 

Raising her eyebrow slightly, she stared at his back and asked in a sickeningly sweet voice, "I don't even get a, 'Good morning, Dearest,' from you, my Love?" Jet paused at the door and threw her a glare over his shoulder, before it softened into a smile. 

"Only when there's a cold day in Hell, _Dearest_. Only when there's a cold day in Hell." With that, he stepped out of the room leaving her to smirk to herself. It was the small moments like that were when they just understood one another. It was just a way of keeping the peace. It was the beginning of the day, and they all knew that everyone's mood would basically start go down hill from that point forward. Why not cease the day? 

After only taking a few sips from her beer and barely eating her food, Faye finally realized that she wasn't that hungry or thirsty at all. With a long sigh, because she knew that Jet hated it when she wasted food, she hesitantly threw out her remains before walking out of the kitchen. As she walked toward Spike's room, thoughts and memories flew through her mind. None of them were very specific, and very few were vague. Almost all of them dealt with Spike and what had been happening within the past three years. So many things were cleared up, but there was still so far to go, and she had a feeling that she and the rest of the crew couldn't really move forward until their fourth man woke up. 

But that was always the case, wasn't it? They weren't able to move on with their lives because they had that festering reminder of their past just lying in his room with his nightmares that could now be heard, and his night sweats that had to be taken care of. How long had _she_ not been able to progress with her life because of that Lunkhead? Faye wanted to hate him. Every part of her mind, body, and soul wanted to hate him with a deep, fiery passion, but there was also the part of her that was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. It was why she was so willing to take care of him. She just wanted to be around him. No one knew how many nights she had spent in his room just because she felt like she couldn't sleep without him near her. 

There was a reason for that, but only two people knew. One was herself, and the other was the man that she spent half of the day staring at. No one had really known what had happened between them a few months before he decided to go off on his little suicide mission. It had all started a little while after Ed had left. Faye hated and loved him for that time, but that was a thought she wanted out of her head. 

Stopping in front of Spike's door, she pulled the cigarette that she had gotten from her room earlier out of her pocket, and placed it between her two full lips. Reaching into her other pocket, she pulled out his lighter. She eventually took this from him because she needed something of his to call her own after he had returned in his comatose state. The only thing that she could think of taking without anyone noticing was his lighter, so that's what she had taken. 

Flipping the lid of the lighter open, she ran it quickly down her leg, causing the small, red flame to burst into life. She stared at it for a long moment before opening the door. Silently, she walked in and closed the door behind her without lifting her head. Leaning on it, she cupped her hand around the flame and lit her cigarette, starting the small moment of bliss that she managed to obtain about five or six times a day. She closed her eyes and took a deep drag on the cigarette before closing the lid of the lighter, and therefore extinguishing the small patch of fire. She exhaled with a soft sigh of rapture as the wisps of smoke clouded around her head. 

"…Since you seem to be enjoying that so much, how about you give a man what he's craving for." Her whole body seemed to have frozen over when she heard that implied request. Those words, that _voice_. It had been too long since she had heard that voice. She was almost afraid to open her eyes, but she failed to notice that her eyes had already snapped open when the first word was spoken. Her jade orbs were already fixated on the speaker. 

And there he was in all his glory with the sheets pooled around his ankles as one of his arms loosely hung over his propped up knees. His chin was resting in the crook of his elbow, and he was staring straight at her. She was in such a state of shock, that she almost missed the feeling of how his mismatched eyes slowly dragged up and down her body, taking in every detail of her new look. His hair slightly hung in his eyes almost pointing to the small grin that appeared on his face. 

"I… Spike… Uh… I-" Faye stammered as she was trying to find what to say. She had dreamed of this happening so many times, so why was she not able to think or anything to say when the moment had finally arrived? Shock was still thriving in her system, and she was just fortunate that she didn't pass out as soon as her mind fully accepted that he was awake. 

Suddenly, the room began to feel too small. It was too small and too hot for her to handle. She felt like a trapped animal pinned in a corner with no where to go. In a moment, she was going to start panting as her chest painfully contracted with every breath. She wasn't ready. She wasn't prepared to handle _any_ of this, so she did the only thing that she could do. 

"I'm going to go get Jet," she softly whispered before turning around to run out of the room. The door slammed behind her with a loud bang, and then the only thing that was heard was the sound of the taps that pounded against the floor when she ran from his room. Spike had a puzzled expression on his face as he continued to stare at the spot where she had only moments ago been standing. He slowly stood up and stiffly walked over to the door. Every step was protested against with achy muscles that hadn't been used in years, but he ignored the pain as he bent down. 

Ever so lightly, he picked up the small silvery object that was lying on the ground where Faye had previously been. '_The metal is still warm from her touch_' he thought to himself as he flipped the object through his fingers. He raised his head slightly as he heard heavy footsteps approaching. Standing up as fast as his body would allow, he walked back over to his bed and sat down with a subtle hiss passing through his lips. 

As he heard the door open again, he took one last look at the lighter before placing it in his pocket. 

*** * ***

"It's about damn time that your lazy ass got out of bed," Jet grumbled as he walked into the room. Spike was running his hand through his hair, and Jet watched in slight amusement as Spike's face changed every second longer that his hand stayed in his hair. Five seconds longer than it should have in total. Spike quickly pulled a long lock of green hair to get a better look at it, to make sure that it was real. He was both confused and amazed, but it wasn't surprising to Jet at all. They hadn't bothered to cut his hair since they didn't want to disturb his neck, or at least that was the general reason at first. After a while, they had to admit that they all just got damn lazy. 

He knew what Spike was going to ask next; he was just trying to see how long it was going to take. Apparently much longer than he had originally thought. 

With almost frightened eyes like that of a child, Spike popped the question that he was expecting. "Jet," he barely whispered in a disturbingly shaky voice, "how long has it been?" 

With a deep sigh, Jet closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest before leaning his large body against the door frame. He had thought about his answer to this several times before now, but he learned as quickly as Faye did, dream and think up as many things as you want, but when the moment comes, it won't mean jack shit. So how was he going to handle this? There were so many possibilities and choices that he had. Well, there was the obvious question that he had to ask himself: Should he tell him the blunt truth? 

'_Good morning, Spike. It's been about three years since you've deserted us, and oh boy! you've missed a lot! First, Ed had rediscovered Faye and me, exclaiming that she had found you. Then we had to drag your mostly dead ass back to our ship, and to make things even better, we had to rob four different hospitals just to get the equipment that we needed to keep you alive. While this was all going on, I had to act like a father to a growing teen since her_ real _father basically abandoned her again, and at the same time, I had to help a suicidal woman stop her horrible new-found love for constantly inhaling large amounts of hard liquor because she was too depressed seeing you in the condition that you were in. The next couple years got better, but it wasn't a damn walk in the park. Other than blowing most of our cash on trying to keep you alive, everything has just been real _**fucking**_ peachy! Glad to have you back among the living_.' Oh yes. He could see that one going over really well with him, only if by really well, one meant _very_ badly. 

But what other options did he really have? One way or another, he was going to find out the truth about what's been going on since he was taken back on the ship. Still, it wasn't good to tell him nothing at all. That option just wouldn't do. Spike deserved some answers after being asleep for so long. Then the question became should he get all the answers from him? That was a much easier question. 

After a short period of thinking, he came up with a very simple and suitable solution. What was the best way? The terse and vague way. 

Finally opening his eyes, Jet stared directly at Spike and then casually shrugged his shoulders. "Eh, three years," he said nonchalantly as if he were discussing the weather or something equally ordinary. Spike's eyes widened drastically, yet he was busy trying to conceal his emotions from appearing on his face. 

The answer had seemed almost surreal to him. Jet couldn't have been right. It didn't feel as though it had been that long anyway, but he did notice the few subtle changes that were presented to him. The distant attitudes, Faye's sudden escape, Jet's more than obvious personal conflict that was going though his head, and above all, the hair on his own head was a dead give away. It had been a long time, but to just think that it had been three years long time was something that was harder to grasp. At least it wasn't ten years. Ten years he knew that he couldn't handle. 

He tossed that answer in his mind for a longer time than Jet had anticipated. In a way, Jet feared what Spike's reaction was going to be; after all, reading him wasn't one of the easiest tasks that he had ever come across. Finally, Spike repeated it back as if he hadn't heard correctly. "Three years?" Jet only nodded. 

Spike's reaction was one that gave Jet a small bit of relief. It hadn't been nearly as bad as it could have been, but there was obviously still a lot going through the younger man's mind. A large spectrum of emotions quickly flashed through his eyes before they went back to their normal dull shade of chestnut. He assumed that Spike had a lot of questions that he wanted to ask, most of them probably dealing with how he was alive and what had happened while he was sleeping. Jet would tell him a little bit of what he wanted to know, not at the current moment anyway, but everything else that was personal to someone other than him, well, Spike just better hope that Lady Luck was on his side. 

Spike's large hands limply hung between his spread legs as he stared harshly as the tile floor. So many thoughts were going through his mind, but all of them were jumbled and made little to no sense to him. Glancing up at Jet, he saw that his partner was turning to walk out of the room. He obviously wasn't in the mood to be questioned, but there was only one question that he wanted to ask. 

"Jet," he called, watching with distant eyes as his shipmate turned halfway around to look at him, "are Vicious and Julia really dead?" For a moment, Spike could have sworn that a look of anger crossed over Jet's features, but it seemed to have disappeared as quickly as it had come. 

Jet turned away from Spike and said, "Yea, they're both dead. Now rest up some." Jet walked out of the room and demanded one last thing before his voice faded as it moved down the hallway. "I don't want your ass doing anything stupid, got it?" 

"Yea, got it." Spike's reply had been so low that only he heard it. Three years had gone by since his dramatic battle with Vicious, and wasn't he supposed to go there to die? That's what he had planned at first, but now he wasn't so sure. Nothing seemed to be assured at the moment. It all still felt like a dream. It was all just one big nightmare. 

"Julia…" The name slipped off his lips before he even realized it. She was really dead and would never be coming back, but it had been like that before, right? He hadn't heard from her three years previous to his last contact with her, so why did it feel different? He figured that it was because it was an actual fact and not just a feeling anymore. She was dead, and unlike him, she wasn't going to be able to bounce back. 

All in all, what did he have left? He killed the bad guy, got the girl, lost the girl, and then was robbed of his heroic death. Apparently, things hadn't gone the way he planned, but did he really want them to? Was death what he had truly wanted on his wish list? His head started to hurt with a dull ache as he thought harder about the subject. As much as he was thinking about it, he was getting no where. What he needed at the moment was some time to himself and a shit load of cigarettes to keep himself calm. Yea, that was defiantly what he needed at the moment. More cancer sticks, less non-cancer sticks. 

Walking over to his dresser in the corner of the room with the tiniest bit of ease, he pulled his secret stash of cigarettes out of the top drawer. Popping one into his mouth, he pulled the lighter out of his pocket and quickly created a flame with a flick of the wrist. After lighting the cigarette yet before closing the lighter, he took one long look at it, and then a name rang through his head with the intensity of a set of church bells signaling the beginning of a Sunday Mass. Faye. How had he completely forgotten about Faye? More importantly, why had she run out on him like she had? 

'_Because that's what you did to her, asshole_,' his mind supplied cruelly as he closed his lighter. His head was consumed in pain now as he silently reflected over what had happened between the two of them over their time together. Not all of it was pretty, but it had its ups and downs, especially a few months before he decided to go on his suicide mission, but how quickly he had forgotten about all that when _Julia_ had come back into the picture. 

The look in her eyes and the sound of Faye's gun as it went off started ringing in his ears, just like it had the whole time that he was fighting Vicious. Julia might have been the last thought that he had before he blacked out, but it was Faye on his mind while he was in battle. It was something he didn't question at the time, but now it just seemed that much more important. His disappearance had hurt her, and even he wasn't stupid enough to not notice that, but it was its magnitude that he originally underestimated. But there was still time, wasn't there? 

He took a deep drag before resting his body on the dresser. He needed to have a long talk with Faye, that was certain, but he was more worried about what was going to happen when they did talk. So much had happened in the few months before his coma and there was still so much more that hadn't been discussed or addressed. He wasn't even sure if she wanted to talk about it, much less resume their relationship as it was before. 

He could still easily recall the feel of her soft skin under his callous fingers as he ran them down her body, managing to take in every detail of her being with his eyes. He could still hear the soft sounds she made in the heat of the moment. Those were just a couple memories that were hard to forget. 

Closing his eyes, he took another drag on his cigarette as more memories of that time bombarded his newly active mind. He really needed to talk to Faye and find out what had happened to her. The sooner, the better. 

  
  



	2. Time Etches

  


**_The Subtle Moments  
  
Chapter 2: Time Etches_**

  
  
Faye delivered a swift kick to the punching back before she easily slid back into her previous fighting stance. Her blood seemed to be boiling through her veins as she mercilessly attacked the bag, imagining that it was the cause of all her problems, and Goddamn, she really wished that it was. Two kicks, a left jab, and then a right hook came crashing down onto the bag at an amazingly fast pace. A few loose strands of purple hair kept falling in front of her eyes, but she was too absorbed into fighting her target to even notice. 

She was angry, to say the least. Pissed would have been the better adjective, but what had annoyed her the most was that she couldn't explain why she was so flustered and frustrated. Spike was awake, so she should have been happy. Was she? No, not even in the slightest. Three quick punches were laid onto the bag at a rapid speed. There was so much tension coming from her that at one point, she was unsure if her muscles would cooperate long enough with her to get this work out. She prayed that they didn't fail her though. She really needed this workout to make herself feel complete. Once the punches started coming though, they just wouldn't stop. She became fluid like water, the very thing that he always had been. 

_Even in bed…_

He had been such an asshole. He still was an asshole. Nothing but a lowlife, fucking asshole. A strong kick from her right leg slammed into the bag, sending it swaying away from her. He had left her to go fight Vicious, just like he had left her to go find Julia. There were no goodbyes, no reassuring words. He left her as if she had meant nothing to him, and in a way, she always had a feeling that she didn't. Maybe she was being a little bit selfish about it, but what about her needs? Did he ever stop to think about how she felt? Did he even wonder what his disappearance would do to her? _Did he even care_? 

A cry of rage escaped her throat as she spun around once and kicked the returning bag with the back of her heel. No, he hadn't cared, so why in the Hell should she care about him now? It didn't matter though, because that point was that she _did_ care, and maybe she cared just a little bit too much. When she was around him, she generally felt better about herself. She felt alive, and her life started to have meaning and purpose. But what was that one phrase that she remembered from her childhood? 

'_All good things come to an end_.' 

She reached out her hand and stopped the bag from hitting her when it had swung back in her direction. Beads of sweat were rolling down her forehead and back as she tried to get her breathing back to an even pace. This was supposed to have calmed her mind while tiring out her body. This hadn't helped her at all. Neither did the cigarettes, and she had a feeling that nothing else would either. She plopped down to the floor, sitting down Indian style, absent mindly glaring at everything around her. She rested her elbow on her leg before placing her chin in her upturned palm. A look of annoyance was on her face as she now focused on the open space in front of her. 

"Damn it all to Hell," she muttered to herself, closing her eyes briefly. She could feel the now damp white tank top clinging to her sides because of her sweat. It was a disgusting feeling that she had hated, but she was in no mood to do anything about it right away. Several thoughts were going through her head, and none of them were comforting. Since when had she had so much inner conflict? Why was Spike's awakening bothering her so much? 

_Why the fuck was she sitting on the floor_? 

With a low growl, she forced herself to her feet, wiping the sweat that had gathered in her hands off on her black, spandex pants. She needed a shower, some quiet time with just herself, and something strong at the moment. Maybe then everything would be easier to deal with. It was her fickle logic that was telling her that nothing solved problems better than a nice hot shower and a straight shot of vodka. 

Faye briefly remembered her promise to Jet about her current drinking issue. '_Nothing harder than a beer_.' Yea. He could make this a reasonable exception, and even if he couldn't, it was her ass going out to get drunk not him. To top it all off, she was a happy drunk. It was decided then. One bottle of vodka and a shower, coming right up. 

Turning around, happy with herself now that all the voices in side of her were quiet, she stopped dead in her tracks when she was face to face with the cause of all her inner struggles. For a second, she didn't know what to do, but then she ended up crossing her arms over her chest and standing in what she hoped to be the most natural stance. She said, "Spike," wincing when she heard her voice crack on his name. He was dressed in his normal workout outfit, and why he was there, she didn't have a clue. Someone in his condition shouldn't even be out of bed, but she should have known better. 

He leaned against the doorframe with his signature cigarette hanging from his closed lips. With his eyes fixated on her, he nodded to her in return as a sign of his acknowledgement. '_Couldn't even get a proper hello_,' she noted to herself, narrowing her eyes at his somewhat friendly gesture. 

"The Hell are you doing up?" she asked with an edge to her voice. She was still pissed off, restless, and still clueless on why she was that way. Nevertheless, she was never one to be above taking out all her anger on the man standing before her. She did it so often; she could, she _should_ have called it an art form by now. His eyes were still locked onto her, but she didn't recognize the look that was within them. 

He shrugged his shoulders, and pulled the cigarette from his mouth. "I came looking for you." He said it with such a, '_No shit_,' tone, that she could feel the muscles in her body slightly twitch. 

She raised her eyebrow in surprise and confusion. "Oh really?" 

"Jet said you would be up here." 

"Well, he was right." 

They stood there for a moment, her glaring at him, him staring at her with that still unfamiliar look. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours to Faye, and even though she could have easily lost herself in his eyes, she did have places that she wanted to go. "Are you going to explain why you're looking for me, or should I just pull an answer from my ass, and guess?" she snapped at him. Internally, she scolded herself for sounding so harsh, but there was no sign of it present on her face. 

The emotion that was in his eyes faded, and was replaced with one of frustration and annoyance. "Well fuck, Faye. I just came up here to talk to you, but I would have stayed in my bed and not hobbled my weak ass here if I knew you were going to be such a bitch about it." She was surprised at the way he suddenly snapped at her and at the way that he slightly pushed his pride aside, but still her face remained passive and uncaring. 

Still trying to size one another up, she noticed the small beads of sweat that were forming on his forehead. Faye had forgotten in her anger that he was in a weakened condition. She hadn't been sure before, but now she guessed that he could walk. Even so, it must have been Hell for him to get to this room. It was then that she also noticed how he was clutching the door frame with one hand to support himself as if his life depended on it. Taking a hesitant step forward, she called out his name with a worried tone in her voice. He disregarded her and pushed himself away from the door, attempting to stand up on his own while ignoring the pain that shot through his unused muscles. 

"Spike," she tried again, "you know that you should still be resting." He didn't look at her and took another shaky step toward her. She had to give the man credit; for someone who had been bedridden for so long, he really could hold his own. "Damnit, you know that you should still be in bed. You shouldn't even be walking until a few days from now." 

"I'll be fine, Faye." He fell back a step and grasped onto the doorframe again while cursing under his breath. He was really pushing his luck by doing this, but this was important. It needed to be done now and not later. 

Faye stared at him with a perplexed look in her eyes. Walking up to him, she wrapped one arm around his waist as she placed his arm around her shoulder. "You're so stubborn," she hissed at him. He only gave her a small lop-sided grin in response. She had a feeling that he knew she was and yet wasn't mad at him at all, and that feeling deeply unnerved her. She cast him a quick glance from the corner of her eye as she helped him steadily walk back to his room. 

The walk was spent in silence with the exception of his low ragged breath. He still hadn't told he why he was there looking for her, but she assumed that he would fill her in on that part later. The heat that was coming off of his body she seemed to absorb through her arms' bare skin. She felt a slight chill slither down her spine while she was walking, but forced her body not to shudder. She was partially glad she saw neither Ed nor Jet while they were walking back to his room. At the moment, Faye didn't feel like explaining what his dumb ass attempted to do, nor why her face had suddenly taken a flusher look to it. 

Slowly, she helped him lay back down on his bed. A look of gratitude was on his face briefly before it turned back into a serious look once again. It was a look that she was quickly learning to hate. Before she got the chance to turn and leave, his hand shot out and weakly grabbed her wrist. 

"Faye." She looked back down at him with a blank and questioning stare. "We need to talk." Ah, so that's why he was there, but she didn't know what it was about. In the back of her mind she had a small suspicion about what it might have involved, but she wasn't one to jump to conclusions. 

With a sigh, she covered his hand with hers. "We'll talk when you've rested more." If she was right about what he wanted to talk about, she wasn't in the mood for it. At the moment, it would have only caused more damage to her than good. She could almost hear the vodka whispering her name. Trying to pull away, she only felt his grip tighten, holding her in place. "Spike, let me go. I have to take a shower." 

His eyes narrowed when his mismatched orbs locked with her jade ones. "No, Faye. We need to talk _now_. You know what we need to talk about, too." At that moment, her whole body seemed to tense up and freeze. So, she had been right, but she didn't know if she was ready to address that point of time at the moment. She knew that it was going to have to be discussed at one moment or another, but she just wasn't ready for it. 

_His lips softly ghosted down the sensitive part of her neck as his hands gently roamed up her sides. She quietly moaned his name before his lips captured her in a passionate kiss. Thin, pale fingers curled themselves in his unruly hair as she rubbed against him._

That same shudder went down her spine again. Secretly, she was glad that the room was so dark because that way he wasn't able to see the dark flush that spread across her cheeks. The memory of it still sent a bolt of pleasure humming through her body when she thought about it. A part of her still hated herself for it, but the majority of her still loved ever moment of it. Even though he couldn't see her blush, he recognized the glazed look in her eyes. 

"I thought that you would remember." Her trance broke, and she glared at him with all the strength she could work up for his statement. Over the years, she had always wondered if he would remember that when he woke up, and now that she knew that he did, what was she going to do about it? Run back into his arms, hoping that he would claim her body and soul like he had once before? No, that kind of treatment was only meant for the dead. The whole event had split her opinions down the middle. Half of her had wanted him badly, and always would. The other half cynically reminded her that every time he looked at her, he would only see Julia because that's what he really wanted to see. 

"How could I forget?" she asked herself more than she had asked him. Sensing that she wouldn't leave, he let go of her wrist, and stared up at her. Immediately, she wrapped her arms around herself in a protective stance. Even as he stared at her, she felt exposed and naked under his glance. She had been that way so many times before, so why was she unnerved by it now? 

The silence was thick in the room for the next few minutes. She was staring absent mindedly at the wall, while Spike was still looking at her profile. She had changed so much, and yet she hadn't really changed at all. He could tell that she was trying to put a wall between herself and him, and he didn't really understand why. Before, she would take it down without even asking, but now it seemed larger and reinforced. She was hiding something, but at the moment, he wasn't really sure what it was. 

"There's nothing we need to talk about, Spike. Everything has already been said," Faye commented with a tone of sadness in her voice. Her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around her body tighter. God, she didn't want this. Not this, not now. It was too much. Too much was being asked of her… 

"Faye," he began with a very small tone of begging in his voice, "nothing has been discussed at all. We didn't even get to talk about it when I ran off. I wanted to clear everything up now." He could sense that she wanted to bolt out of the room, but he knew that she wouldn't. She refused to meet his gaze, and that concerned him even more. 

"What? That I'm not Julia and I'm never going to compare to what she was?" Bitterness was heard in her voice, and Spike flinched because of it. She had hit below the belt and they both knew it, but Spike knew better than to explode on her for it now. He was far too weak to pick a fight with her, and by the way she looked, he didn't know what she would run off and do. 

He shook his head sadly, "You know that's not what I meant." A frown took place on his face when she didn't turn around to look at him. He needed to see her eyes to be able to tell what she was thinking at the moment. They always gave away all her emotions in a straight forward message. 

When he tried to reach out for her again, she took a step away and faced the door. "I have stuff to do. We'll talk about this later. Rest now." With that, she left the room before he could argue and softly closed the door behind her. 

His hand curled into a fist as he slammed it down on his bed with all the strength he could muster. He let out a soft moan as his muscles once again rippled in pain. He needed to stop doing that, but he was so confused as to what was going on. This was the second time that day that someone had left him in the dark, and it was starting to get on his last nerve. If it wasn't for the fact that he really _did_ need rest, he would have put up a better argument and threatened to kick all their asses. 

Closing his eyes, he thought to himself. He would have to deal with this some other time. Now was a good time for sleep, and that was when he slipped back into the cool arms of darkness. 

* * *

Scalding water repeatedly hit her back before sliding all the way down her body to her ankles. Jet was going to be pissed at her for using all the hot water, but at the moment she didn't care in the least. Memories of what had happened years ago were freshly running through her mind, and she had hoped that the hot water would distract her. It wasn't working very well. 

She rubbed the sponge harder against her skin than necessary causing it to turn a bright pink. She felt dirty and disgusted with herself, and she had a feeling that no matter how long she scrubbed that the feeling wouldn't go away. It was a gritty feeling of self loathing that seemed to coat her whole body in massive layers, and every time she looked in the mirror after thinking about it, it only got thicker. 

How the Hell could she had let something that disgraceful happen to herself? She used to be so proud when she looked into the mirror, but now she only remembered one thing. _She let him use her_. Yes, she had. She had let him use her as just his mate in bed for not just one night, but for a few months. Up until he had left, of course. She couldn't have sexual affairs with a comatose man, now could she? Maybe a few people would, but she wasn't the type. So now the next question she repeatedly asked herself came up, and it was the shortest question and either the simplest or hardest to answer. 

Why? Why had she done it? 

The shortest answer would be: _Because she wanted him in the same way he wanted her_. The not so simple answer, well, that was a bit harder to explain. When she first got into that type of relationship with him, she didn't know what she had been thinking at the time. Neither of them was drunk like most had assumed, but something that she couldn't really explain happened that day. It was hard to remember what actually happened, because to her it was all still surreal. It all seemed like a dream to her. 

_A bottle of red wine that she had stolen from the last bounty was placed on the table beside the ratty old couch while she held a glass filled with said wine in her hand. Her other hand was holding the controller to the TV because at the moment she was waiting for Big Shot to come on in a few minutes. After that she was going to sit around watching infomercials for a while if there wasn't anyone worth catching. At the moment, some corny kids' TV program was on. She got a brief flashback of one of those shows from her childhood, but nothing really worth remembering. _

She took a sip of her wine while still watching the stupid show over the tip of her glass. For a moment, she swished the wine around in her mouth, savoring the taste. It dated back all the way to 1971. Exactly one hundred year old wine, and it tasted fantastic. 

"I didn't know that our Little Faye was learning her numbers," a voice taunted with an implied 'aww' tone in his voice. She lifted up her glass in a mock toast to Spike, knowing that it was him without even needing to turn around. 

"I drink this fine wine in salute to thee, O Noble and Wise One, who does not know how to spell the word 'cat.'" With that, she quickly downed the rest of the wine that was in her glass before reaching over to pour some more. When her hand only hit empty air, she looked up at the lanky man, who was now holding her bottle of aged wine. 

He gave her his trademark smirk before giving her one of his usual smartass comments. "Oh yea? Well K-E-T." He took a big swig of her wine, inwardly laughing at the pissed off look that spread across her face. He loved trying to press all her buttons. Her face, her expressions, it was just all so priceless. "Cat." He gave her an all out grin, expecting her to lash out at him at any moment. 

"Give me back the damn bottle now," she growled between clenched teeth. He lowly chuckled as he grasped the bottle by its neck, partially waving it above her head. "Remind me why, oh why, I should listen to you." She reached up for the bottle with one hand, grunting as he pulled it out of her reach at the last moment. He laughed now, watching her as she tried to reach for the bottle again and again like a small child that wouldn't learn. 

"I'm old enough to be your mother- grandmother! That's why!" she snapped, reaching for it again in vain. Still playing the small game of Keep Away with her, he gave her a perplexed look. 

"So? That's not a very good reason." Finally, Faye stood up and grabbed the main part of the bottle and tugged it away from Spike. With an accomplished look, she poured herself another glass of wine and downed it quickly before sticking her tongue out at him. He leaned over and pinched her cheek when she did that, causing her face to go into a look of surprise. "She's **so** cute when she's angry!" 

She slapped his hand away. "Goddamn, you're so annoying!" She plopped back onto the couch, only to find herself sitting on top of his chest. How and when he managed to dive on the couch and lay down in his normal position was completely beyond her. She didn't think he could move that fast, but apparently he did. She glared down at him, only to see him giving her the same look. 

"What the Hell, Spike? I was sitting here first!" she screamed at him. His face broke out into a smile. Truly-fucking-**priceless**. 

"But you got up." 

She paused for a moment staring at him as if he was insane. She never really knew, maybe he was. "The Hell does that have to do with anything!" 

"Now **I** got here first." She slapped him with the nearby pillow right in the face. 

"You are so Goddamn impossible! So damn childish! Arg!" He chuckled again until he got slapped with the pillow once more. Pulling the pillow away from his face, he was still smirking up at Faye's irritated form. 

"You're cranky like a grandmother." She growled at him a little bit, raising the pillow in the threatening manner. Words couldn't have expressed how she wanted to smother him. Smother him until he was robbed of his very last breath! "But if I had you for a grandmother, then I come from a very sexy family." 

At that statement, her mind completely and totally shut down. She stared at him wide eyed for a short while, taking in what he had just said. "Did you just call me sexy?" He shrugged and placed his hands comfortably behind his head. The look in his eyes was hard to decipher. She stared at him for a while longer before he answered her. 

"In a round about way, I guess you could say that I did." Standing up, she placed the wine bottle and glass down on the table near them. In the back of her mind, she knew that Big Shot was now on, but at the moment she didn't really care. He had called her sexy. So many other men had as well, but why did it suddenly matter? 

"Are you drunk?" she asked, starting at him with suspicious eyes. He stood up and gazed down at her. She briefly noted for the first time how much taller he was than her, almost by a whole head. He still had that implacable look in his eyes while he stared down at her. 

He shook his head. "Last time I checked, I was quite sober." She gave him a blank stare. "Why? Do you not like it when I compliment you? I'll stop if you want." She was now the one to shake her head no at his answer. He noted how her cheeks were now slightly flush and her mouth was hanging open just the tiniest bit. 

At that moment, he wanted to kiss her more than anything, and he was just damn crazy enough to do it. Plus it was bound to go down into the 'Greatest Expressions Faye's Ever Made of All Time,' list. "Good. So, now, if you want, you can stop me from doing this." 

She didn't see it coming. She should have, but she just didn't. She didn't even know that he was going to kiss her until the moment that his lips gently touched her. It was soft at first, almost timid and questioning, but after a moment when Faye didn't protest, Spike wrapped his arms around her body and kissed her with more force and passion. He didn't know what was suddenly coming over him, but he liked it and didn't want it to stop. 

She couldn't explain how many times she had dreamed of this happening. Faye had so many day and wet dreams about this exact moment, but when it actually happened, she was rooted to her place and couldn't seem to move. Spike slowly started to pull away, feeling her lack of response as a sign of rejection, but the moment that she felt him move away, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back with equal enthusiasm. 

'If this is a dream, and I'm just drunk, this is the best fucking dream I've had in years_,' she thought to herself when Spike pulled her tighter against him. Faye could feel all of his well defined chest muscles through his shirt. How long had she wanted to lightly run her hands up and down his body? A week ago? A month? Since they had first met? She didn't really know or care, but at the moment, all she wanted this. It didn't matter if this was all she got, it would be enough for now… _

The whole thing was random. To her, it still didn't have an explanation. It was just something that had happened one day that started her on a new path in her life that she previously had no intention of traveling. She had always planned on asking him why that had happened one day, but she assumed that she never really got the chance to ask. Still, it neglected to make it any less confusing than what it already was. The fact that he had abandoned her the next morning didn't really help either, but then again when she thought about it, he always abandoned her, after every single time. 

She let out a small hiss when she suddenly felt the water turn freezing cold. "Shit," she cursed as she hurriedly turned off the water. Her soaking wet hair hung limply in front of her eyes, but she brushed it out of the way just so that she could get a clearer view of where her towel was. Reaching out, she grabbed it and quickly wrapped it around her self. Her body shivered on its own accord as she stepped out of the shower, and stood in front of the mirror. Slowly almost tentatively, she wiped the mirror lightly so that she could get a better look of her face. 

Bags that she hadn't seen in the longest time were starting to form under her eyes. She looked tired and worn out, and her whole body felt like it had been pushed past its limit. Spike had only been awake for barely a day, and already he was draining her of all the energy that she was willing to offer. This was getting out of hand, and it just so happens that it all started up right when she was finally back on her feet. Fate is very fickle like that. Fate also happened to be a very big bitch. 

She let out a sigh as she rested her hands on both sides of the sink, glaring at her image. There was a sense of self loathing within her, but for an unknown reason she felt very apathetic toward her situation. There was at least one thing that she knew would help fix her problems for the moment. It was the path of the Devil that she had tried turning away from, but treading along side it never damaged anyone. 

What Jet didn't know didn't hurt him. It was time to make a long overdue appointment with a bar downtown. 

* * *

"Spike!" 

Spike moaned in protest as he was roused from his sleep. He opened his eyes, and glared at the harsh light that was pouring into his room from the hallway. He felt like shit, and he probably looked like it, too. Why the Hell was there someone yelling at him from the doorway waking him up when everyone was trying so hard to get him to go to sleep? Do these people never make sense? 

"What time is it?" he asked groggily, placing an arm over his eyes to block the light. He hoped it was a reasonable hour. He prayed to a God that he only sometimes believed in that it was a reasonable hour. Fuck it, if it _wasn't_ a reasonable hour, he was going to take his weak self and still kick some ass. 

"It's three in the morning, but that doesn't matter." It was just speaking, he concluded after he let the voice be registered in his head for a few seconds. What did he say? Three in the morning? Fuck, it wasn't a reasonable hour. The Hell did he mean that it _didn't matter_? Hell yes, it mattered! He groaned again and glared up at Jet as best as he could while still covering his eyes. 

"What the Hell, Jet? What you waking me up for now?" Spike whined, even though he wasn't the whining type. A complainer, yes, but definitely not a whiner. He could see Jet's arms folded over his chest as he stood in the doorway while looking down on him. If Spike could have actually seen Jet better, he would have noticed the serious and irritated expression that was on the other man's face. 

"Faye's missing." 

Spike's arm came down, and his eyes snapped open. The Hell was she doing at three in the morning? He sat up and now fully focused on Jet, ignoring the fact that his eyes were still not well adjusted to the light. 

"So what? She's a big girl; I'm sure she can take care of herself." Now that his eyes had adjusted, he could see the frown that was etched between Jet's eyebrows. The look on his face really worried Spike. Since when had Jet cared so much about where Faye ran off to? Normally, he didn't care when anyone disappeared at insane hours in the morning, but some expression in Jet's face told Spike that this was more of a serious matter than Faye just simply missing. For that reason, he became slightly worried. If it wasn't for the look on the other man's face, he most likely wouldn't have cared about the whole situation at all. 

"She hasn't been out this late for a long time." The concern in Jet's voice was now really starting to worry him. "Faye didn't even leave a note or tell anyone when she was leaving or where she was planning to head off to, but now that I think about it, I'm sure I know what she ran off to do. What the Hell did you do to her?" 

Spike was taken back at Jet's comment. What did he do to her? What the Fuck? "Who the Hell said I did anything to her in the first place?" Spike growled at Jet, slightly pissed off at his accusation. "All I did was try to talk to her, and after I wore my ass out, and then got ignored by her, suddenly her running off is something that I caused? I don't know where the Hell she went, I don't know what she ran off to do, but what I sure as Hell do know is what I didn't cause _shit_!" Spike's voice was at a higher level than he had originally intended by the time he was finished with his short speech, but the look on Jet's face didn't change. It was a mixture between concern and frustration. 

"Do you even know where the Hell she went?" Jet asked, closing his eyes midway through his question. Spike's eyes just narrowed in annoyance. 

"I already said I didn't know," he snapped. "Why'd you even bother asking?" 

"She's gone out to get piss drunk, Spike." The sentence for some reason hit Spike like a brick. At first, he didn't know why, and he still wouldn't understand why until a much later time. "She left to go do the same exact shit that I told her not to do. The same shit that she had _promised_ me that she wouldn't do! I only ask because I know why she became a drunkard in the first place. She did it because of _your_ ass, Spike! Because of you, I had to spend months just to get her to stop drinking herself into a drunken stupor every damn night. All I wanted to know is if you did any stupid shit to her that could cause her to go and get like this all over _again_!" 

Spike was silent for a long time while he was thinking over what had just been told to him. When was Faye planning on mentioning that to him? How was he supposed to know that he would have such a great affect on her in the first place? It might have explained a few things, but damnit, he had the right to know before now, didn't he? 

"Now I really don't give a shit about what used to go on between you to, but I want you to know right now that if she falls apart again, I am holding you responsible to pick up all the shattered pieces since chances are it'll be your own damn fault. The next time you get the chance, straighten this shit out, got it?" 

Spike almost completely snapped at Jet's demand. He stood up and strode right up to Jet, getting in his face as much as he possibly could. "Listen here, Goddamn it," Spike hissed between clenched teeth, "you think that I haven't fucking tried already? Don't you even think that I would have thought of that already? Did it even occur to you that that's what I was _trying_ to do in the first place? No! I understand that you give a shit about Faye, and I know that you just want to look out for her, you acting like everyone's goddamned father and everything, but, damnit Jet, maybe just _maybe_ I might give a shit about her, too!" 

Jet eyes widened for a brief second before they narrowed and stared into the smaller man's eyes, looking for truth to his words. It was something that he couldn't explain, but he needed to know that the younger man wasn't bullshitting him. Faye's sanity was just that damn important. Finally when he found it, his whole body seemed to relax, and he let out a breath that he didn't know that he had been holding. A small smile formed on his face, and it only grew in size when he noticed the look of confusion that suddenly filled Spike's eyes. He turned around and waved his hand at Spike. 

"I'm going to go get her. I'll be back in a couple of hours," he said while his voice was fading down the hallway. Spike stood in the same spot in front of the door, not really sure what to make of what had just happened. First Jet had come in there accusing him of Faye running off- 

'_Which was probably true_', his mind supplied, making him feel a sharp pang of guilt, 

and then he gets all happy when he admitted that he cared about Faye. The only question that he could ask himself was, '_What the fuck_?' but even that couldn't really explain the general confusion that was going on in his head. Apparently, Faye had been going through some really hard times because of him. He sensed that something was really different about her, but he would have never guessed that she had suddenly created herself a huge drinking problem. It didn't seem like something she would do, but then again, she had changed so much. He wasn't even sure if she was anything like the person that she used to be. Hell, even Jet had changed a whole lot more than he had originally given him credit for. Since when did Jet start giving a serious shit about anyone on the ship? 

The more that he stayed awake and talked to everyone, the more that he realized how weird everything had become since he was gone. He seemed to be asking all the right questions, but not getting any of the answers. He still needed to talk to Faye, but apparently he would now have to wait for her to be sober again before he could ask her anything. 

One last thing he needed to ask himself: _It was three in the morning; what the fuck was he doing up_? 

* * *

"Put me down," Faye demanded weakly. She was currently being held like a baby in Jet's arms while he walked out of the hangar and onto the ship. She shoved him in the shoulder with very little strength, but was still frustrated when it didn't affect him. She muttered a few slurs beneath her breath, all of which were ignored by Jet. He had heard something similar coming from her many times before. This whole scene wasn't anything new to him. He couldn't even begin to count all the times that this had happened. 

"I think you've done enough fighting for today, Faye," Jet told her with a fatherly tone in his voice. She simply gave him a small smirk as he ignored the abnormal glint in her eyes. It was moments like this where she reminded him of a very small child, one that needed to be constantly watched and taken care of. He hadn't asked to be their father figure; it had just ended up in his lap like that. 

"What?" she asked, drawing out the word for much longer than it was necessary. "All I did wuz def'nd mah-self. He try slip a hand up mah skurt. You believe that?" He nodded and gave her a look that said, '_You're right, and he got what he deserved_,' knowing that it would comfort her into a silence. She was right though. Some drunk at the bar did try slipping his hand up her skirt uninvited, and she managed to thoroughly mop the floor with him the moment that Jet had arrived. He didn't know at first how drunk she was, but after he smelled the vodka on her breath while standing a foot away from her and looking at the rows of shot glasses in front of her, he had a pretty good idea. 

Jet knew Faye to be a woman that could really hold her liquor, but even she had a breaking point. She had gone way beyond that point, and at the moment she was completely smashed to the point of almost no return. She still muttered incoherent words every now and then while he was walking her to her room. He was going to have a long talk with her when she was sober, but at that time, he knew what she really needed was someone to help her get some rest. He nudged her door open with his foot before placing her down on her bed. 

A soft giggle came from her when he let her go. "T'ank you, Daddeh," she said with a bright smile on her face. He only managed to shake his head. Her eyes were large but dull; he seriously doubted that she would remember any of this when she woke up. "I'ma go to sleeps now. Nite nittteeee…"and almost immediately she had fallen asleep. Every time he saw her do that, he was always amazed. She could just pass out as if she had just been knocked out. 

Sighing to himself, he left the room without checking up to see if she was ok. Knowing her, she'd be fine by the morning. Knowing Spike, his ass was either sitting in his room, worrying about Faye, or sleeping while dreaming about worrying about Faye. The man was easy to decipher when you knew what to look for, but he didn't really know what to expect when the full blown fight that he knew was going to happen would happen. When it did happen, where was he going to be? Mysteriously off the ship without a word of where he was going. 

Jet slowly walked back to his room. Too much had been going on that day. First Spike woke up, then Spike and Faye got into a fight, then Faye ran off, after that he and Spike got into a fight, and finally he had to go grab Faye's ass from **Sex on the Beach**, the newest bar in town. He was getting too old for this, and it was hard to admit that the easiest part of his a had been walking Ein, who seemed to have known that something was on his mind, and checking up on Ed, who was now pretty much holding up her own sufficiently enough. Times had really changed, and if anyone told him that this would have been happening about six years ago, he would have laughed in their face asking, 'Why the hell would I let a suicidal ex Syndicate member, a rouge woman with no past, a expert child hacker with serious ADHD, and a data dog on my ship? That's ludicrous!' 

The thing was now he thought of those people as his family, and as their father figure, he was the one left to put up with all of their incompetent asses. Yes, this had truly been his dream when he was a child. Oh glorious joy and rapture. 

Grunting to himself, he crawled into his bed and lazily turned onto his side. There was only one thing he could really say at a time like this… 

"I'm getting **way** too old for this shit." 

  
  



	3. Right Down to the Basics

Author's Note: Normally, I don't do author's notes anymore, but I thought for this chapter it was important, **SO READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING**. Now that I have you're attention, I'll explain. 

This chapter has two very special things about it. One is that it has a lemonish scene in it. For those who don't like to read that stuff, I appologize right now by saying that unlike most stories, the lemon is actually plot relevant and very important to the story. In some parts it's graphic in a way, but it just sets up the feeling for what's been going on in Spike and Faye's relationship. It's also why I named the chapter what I did. Once again, I appologize, but if you want to get a real feeling for the story, you're going to have to read the lemon. 

Another special thing about the lemon. It's my first one that I've *finished*. I'm proud; I think it came out pretty well even though I still could fix a few things. That's where you all come in. I seriously need feed back for this, so I would appreciate it if you left reviews. I don't mind the ones that say, "OMG! I love this! Write more!" but on this topic, I would really like more in depth feedback like what you like about it, or what you think I did wrong. It would be very helpful. Enough of my babble. Start reading. 

  
  


**_Chapter 3: Right Down to the Basics_**

  
  
"… Let's just get one thing straight."

"… Yea?" 

"I want no strings attached." 

"Okay?" 

"No, I'm serious… No strings." 

"…" 

"Hey! Are you listening to me?" 

"No strings…" 

"… What was that?" 

"**No strings**." 

"Right, good… No strings…" 

"…" 

"Spike?" 

"Shut up and go to sleep, Faye." 

She had. By that morning, he was gone. 

* * *

Faye lightly groaned as she turned over onto her side in her bed. She couldn't remember the dream she just had, but she certainly could remember all the events of the night before. Like a tidal wave, they crashed into her brain, only managing to amplify that already pounding headache that she had. Slapping her forehead, she faintly grunted to herself. She'd gotten drunk again. 

The only intention that she originally had was to have a couple of drinks. Well, apparently, a couple became a few, a few turned into several, and several easily translated into a shit load. She didn't have any idea what Jet was going to do to her when he finally got around to scolding her for it, but she figured that it wasn't going to be anything good. He seemed fine when he came to pick her up, but at that time he always seemed fine. It wasn't until the morning after that she really became worried. 

Sluggishly, she grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a loosely fitting shirt. It wasn't anything flattering by any means, but it would have to do for the day. She wasn't in the mood to dig through her closet for something decent to wear, and she was in even less of a mood to have anyone mistaking her for a street hooker if she decided to leave the ship that day. 

When she walked out into the hallway, she sighed to herself when she happily noted that it was Jet-free. No Jet was a good Jet at this point. Her bare feet softly patted against the steel floor as she quickly yet lightly walked to the bathroom. She reeked of vodka and rum, and desperately needed a good, long shower. She quickly opened the bathroom door before darting into the room and shutting the door behind her. Thankfully, she didn't slam the door. That would have drawn too much unwanted attention to herself that she really didn't need. 

Turning on the shower, she slipped her clothes off her weary body before stepping under the water's still warming spray. Normally, she would have waited until the water was hot, but cold water always woke her up faster. Closing her eyes, she braced her hands against the cool wall in front of her and let the droplets of water slide down her back. This was by far the highlight of her day. After this, it was almost assured that it was all downhill. 

Over the years, she trained herself to get up before anyone else so that she could easily get an early hot shower. With Ed maturing faster than either Jet or she had expected, it was now her instead of Spike she had to fight with about the hot water. Since Ed was also a female, she was twice as bad as Spike, who took a third of the amount of time that Ed did. There had been many small civil wars until Jet stepped in and bitched at both of them. As a result, a new water heater was installed. It still eventually turned into cold water like all water heaters did, but at least this one was better than the old one. 

Right now, all she cared about was feeling the water and having it calm her nerves. Every time she took a shower, it felt as if more of the hard parts of her life washed away with the dirt on her skin. She had, at one point, even thought that her prolonged affair with Spike swirled down the drain as well. It was amazing what a pair or subtly mismatched, deep, chestnut brown eyes could do to a person. It was so cliché, but she really felt that she could drown in his eyes. She had so many times before. They just captured her in some mystical way that she couldn't even explain. She noticed the difference even before he pointed it out to her. 

She was thinking about him way too much again. He had that affect on people sometimes, but damnit, it was just getting too out of hand. He had woken up, so what? It wasn't like he would jump her and go for another roll in the hay again. He was obviously still hung up about Julia's death. That fact was painfully clear every time she even looked at him. She saw it while he was sleeping, and now it basically slapped her in the face since he was awake. It made her wonder if he would care even half as much if any of them had died. If she were to die… Probably not; she would never be his fallen angel. 

Did she even want to be? What did she expect; Spike to wake up, instantly confess his previously unrequited love, and then they'd go off into the sunset, bounty hunting and raising a family of their own? Right, she didn't even love Spike. It had always been about sex. Fucking Faye became another tension releaser if training didn't help. She was a workout, and how did she almost forget it? She was either being really stupid or her memory was starting to fade on her all over again. 

Quickly deciding that the 'soothing' shower wasn't being all that soothing, she stepped out, turned off the water, and wrapped a towel around her hair. She pulled on the shirt and the sweatpants without bothering to towel herself off. It wouldn't matter either way; her other clothes were going to leave little to the imagination anyway, so marginally wet clothing shouldn't be too much for anyone to handle. She quickly towel dried her hair before vainly trying to comb out the tangles with her fingers. Giving up on it after a minute, she tossed the towel onto the ground before turning to the faucet and turning it on. She splashed her face with a handful of cold water. 

With the water still dripping off her face, she looked up into the mirror in front of her and noticed the puffiness of her eyes. Her head was hurting less, but her whole body felt worn out. She knew she had to cut down on the drinking, and the after effects were some of the reasons. That and that it always made her hungry. God, she was so hungry right then, so very hungry… 

* * *

_"Damnit, Jet," Faye cursed to herself as she glared into the empty refrigerator. It had been a whole day since she ate last, and her stomach announced that fact with a loud rumble. Grimacing to herself, she peered over at Ein's empty food bowl that was lying near by. Ed and he had left only a couple weeks ago, a few days before she returned. It had affected the whole crew in one way or another, but no one was really willing to show it. They didn't expect to miss them as much as they did. Jet had just gotten around to washing off the goodbye sign that Ed had left on the BeBop only yesterday. When she first asked him about it, she clearly remembered the look on his face. He had been so sad… _

Letting the glare fall off her face, she remembered how quiet it was all the time now. The silence seemed to almost suffocate everyone. It was still that way now, but at least it was just a little bit more comfortable. Things went back to how it was before Ed and Ein. The ship had never seemed so big, yet it still felt like they hadn't left. The empty food bowl proved that. Maybe they might come back; it might have been the reason why Jet never got rid of the bowl. Not even Spike dared to touch it, but Faye never knew. She had only hoped. 

Jet was out getting food with the money they got from their last six million wulong bounty, and getting him was more difficult than they had originally thought. Nevertheless, money was money. It didn't really matter in the end. It was all they needed. They got their air of confidence back, and everything started to turn out all right. She even started to feel lucky again. 

Faye still felt lucky that day. She had two million wulong, so why didn't she just go out and gamble it all away? It was what they both expected of her anyway, and she wanted to gain some extra cash. Unlike what Spike thought, she didn't always need to cheat to win. Cheating was just a guarantee. Sometimes, you needed to win, other times you didn't. Playing dice with Jet was a need to win situation, and that meant she needed to cheat to get him to strip. Faye laughed to herself at the memory. Those were good times. Winning always created good times. 

That's what she decided to go do since she didn't feel like picking a fight with Spike. Something had changed; it just wasn't fun anymore. Anyway, it didn't really matter; she didn't know where he was or what he was doing. In the end, it all didn't matter. He always went off to do his own thing; she would do hers. Bending over, she took one last look into the fridge. It was empty now, but it would soon be full when she came back, just like her pockets and stomach. 

Before she had the chance to stand back up straight, she felt warm air smoothly dance down her neck. She instantly froze and drew in a quick breath. All the muscles and nerves in her body seemed to tense up all at once, but they relaxed just as swiftly when a tan arm carelessly wrapped around her waist. It tenderly pulled her against a hot body that stood behind her. Resting her head back against a firm, muscled chest, she felt fine lips gently brush against her ear. 

"You shouldn't be allowed to bend over while wearing that, Romani," a low and satiny voice whispered into her ear. Another arm found its way around her waist as a heated face pressed itself against her neck. 

"Spike," she gasped when both of his hands delicately grasped her waist. He effortlessly pulled her against him harder, unconsciously breathing in her scent. She always smelt like flowers to him, rare wild flowers, and it suited her so well. Faye automatically grew weak in the knees when she felt his desire for her snuggly pressed against her lower back. Softly kissing her neck, he smiled to himself, loving the feel of the subtle vibration that it caused. He then moved his lips back toward her ear. 

"It's just the two of us here now, you know," he faintly breathed, while lightly massaging her bare skin on the sides of her waist. "You don't have to worry about Jet. He'll be gone for a couple of hours." Warmth flowed through her body, especially to her face. It was obvious what he wanted at that moment. Memories of the last time this happened flowed through her mind. He had deserted her after it was all said and done. They agreed on no attachments, no strings, but it still had hurt. Did she really want to risk abandonment all over again? 

As if hearing her thoughts, he gave her a reassuring hug and buried his face in the space between her neck and shoulder. "I'm sorry," he mumbled against her skin. "I shouldn't have left so quickly." She placed a thin hand over one of his and squeezed it lightly. It was her way of accepting his apology, and he had known it. He simply kissed her neck and rocked her back and forth at a slow and steady pace. She couldn't help it; in his arms, she felt safe. 

"Still," she began with a barely noticeable hesitation, "you mean here?" His hands started roaming on her body with a mixture of firm and gentle caresses. Lips were now kissing down her shoulder as she tilted her head to the side. Faye was still filled with a mixture of emotions, but she was being persuaded more with every kiss on her skin. A very faint moan passed her lips when she felt on of his hands travel up her body gently cupping one of her breasts. 

"Yes." He bit down onto her shoulder, hard enough to cause a hint of pain, yet soft enough to cause mostly pleasure. Closing her eyes, she let out a throaty moan. She braced her hands on the fridge as she arched her back causing her to firmly press against his waist. Bowing her head slightly, she tantalizingly moved her hips against his manhood. 

Faye didn't miss the soft growl that her actions had caused. Grinning devilishly to herself, she asked in a deeply seductive voice, "Now?" She hissed when his hands gripped her body tighter as he stifled another moan. The hand that was on her breast squeezed her roughly while his other hand was busily unfastening her shorts. There was a hint of urgency in his actions, but she didn't mind. They might have both been helpless romantics at heart, but they weren't in love, and more importantly they weren't generally gentle. 

After unfastening her shorts, he slipped his hand inside of them while leaning over her so that he could kiss her back. His hand smoothly spread her legs a little further apart as he lightly kissed her shoulder blades. His lips were constantly like fire on her skin, lighting it up with his small nips and his hot tongue playing over her back. This was all just a form of distraction used against her so that she wouldn't notice him sliding two of his fingers into her. 

Still kissing her back, he slid his fingers half way out again while his other hand was now massaging the breast that he still held captive. It was when he bit down on her shoulder blade that he slammed his fingers back into her, loving the feeling of all her muscles tensing beneath him. Her eyes snapped open as pleasure soared though her body and her mouth hanged open as a cry came from her throat. 

She hadn't seen that one coming. Maybe she should have, but she didn't. He wasn't like this last time. Last time he was slower, gentler, but this wasn't the time for that. Still, she didn't complain. She was loving the way that he knew exactly what to do to manipulate her body. 

"Now," he growled huskily against her skin. He worked and moved his fingers inside of her at an agonizingly slow pace. Tilting her head back, she let out another loud moan. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched her reaction. He found out that she was extremely responsive to even the lightest of touches, so it didn't surprise him when he drove his fingers deeper into her that she bucked harshly against him. He was planning on taking her to new heights within the next few hours, and he didn't plan on stopping until he did. 

Faye couldn't lie to herself; it felt amazing in almost every way, and the pain caused by him biting her only added to the pleasure. At the moment, she couldn't stop him even if she wanted to, and she certainly didn't want to. He always had a way of making her lose control, even when he didn't touch her. He had power like that, but the only comforting thought was that she could do the same to him. 

Slowly but surely, she was getting lost in the sensation of him touching her until suddenly a thought hit her. Her whole body seemed to stop in one instant. If he were to look at her face, he would have noticed a hidden look of panic in her eyes. "Spike," she hissed at him. Turning her head to the side, she tried to get a better look at him from the corner of her eye. He looked up at her, his eyes showing confusion, yet they were glazed over with passion. He didn't really understand why she had stopped. 

"What if Jet somehow finds us like this?" she asked with a small hint of apprehension in her voice. 

Spike rested her forehead against the valley in between her shoulders blades and let out a sigh to scorch her skin. Was that all she was worried about? He was worried that he had seriously hurt her. Slowly, he withdrew his fingers from her, not missing the faint moan that came from her. Gently grasping her waist, he spun her around to that he was towering over her, staring down into her jade eyes. He noticed that her eyes were just as clouded with lust as his were, but he could now see the fear and contemplation written in them. 

Her cheeks were flushed a bright rosy pink. He smiled down at her, lightly brushing a few loose strands of her violet hair out of her eyes. His hand moved up her face before removing her yellow headband and tossing it to the floor, causing all the hair it held back to fall into her face. He was ready to admit that she was beautiful like this. Hell she was always beautiful, damn beautiful, in fact. Her outfit just seemed to hide that from most eyes. When his hand lightly brushed a finger down her cheek, he spoke to her. 

"Faye, do you really care if Jet finds us? Sure, it might have been more of an issue if Ed were still here. Jet would get over it though. He'll have to." He had a point, but she was more focused on his eyes. It was then that she realized that there was something odd about them. One of them reflected so much emotion and life, and the other reflected nothing at all. Nothing but her image. They were slightly different colors as well. A beautiful pair of mismatched eyes he had. 

He noticed that her eyes were locked with his, and chose that moment to let his gaze wander over her face. Her eyes were in fact a few shades darker, and he already picked up on the now pinkish color of her skin, but it was her full red lips that captivated him. They were barely parted, but he could feel the gentle puffs of air brush across his face when she breathed. Seeing her lips like that rekindled the lust that he had for her, and she didn't miss the change of mood. Leaning forward, he came close enough so that his lips were just lightly touching hers. 

"Right now, I just don't give a damn." 

In the back of her mind, Faye knew it was a bad idea. By tonight, he would ignore her, by tomorrow, he would leave her again, and in a couple of days, the cycle would repeat all over again. He seemed like the type of person that would string you along, supposedly giving you what you wanted while taking everything he wanted from you, and when it's all over, he hangs you out to dry. She was going to be used, and she knew it. The fact that it was so plainly obvious only made it worse, yet the sex was incredible; she wouldn't lie to herself about that. Even so, it meant waking up alone, acting like nothing happened, and moving on with her life. It made her feel like the cheap slut everyone mistook her for. Her pride was going to be bruised and bleeding when she was in the right state of mind. 

That was the point, though; she wasn't in the right state of mind. Like with all other sane thoughts, logic and reason flew out of her mind when she got lost in his damnable eyes. Her logic behind her actions was that he needed her. More importantly, her reason was they both_ needed this. She didn't fully get his logic on it, but she needed to know if she really felt alive. Faye didn't want to feel so lost and dead inside. _

Spike saw the conflict in her eyes before he bent down to capture her lips with his own. He had this strange urge to possess her that he couldn't quell. It wasn't anything close to what he felt for Julia, but for today, it was enough. She easily fell into his embrace, letting him have his way with her. It didn't matter what wonders or horrors were going to meet them in the morning. What mattered was now and for just a short while when they were with each other, their own pasts didn't exist. It was a long put off release they both needed, wanted, and had to have. 

It was more than enough.

At first the kiss was slow, tender, and questioning. He didn't want to force or rush her into anything. That would only ruin it all. He needed to know if she was accepting or willing to do this no matter what the case. The first time was slow, yet it was a rash decision. If they were going to do this, regardless of how much more intense it was bound to be, they had to understand what they were both getting into. Sure, they had spoken words about it before, but words were just words. This held more power and meaning. 

Long moments of gentle kissing passed before Spike finally felt her bury her hands in his hair, pulling him tighter against her. It was the only sign he needed. Grasping the back of her head, he entangled his skillful fingers into her short, violet hair as he crushed his mouth against hers with an almost bruising force. He fully took over the situation when he reached behind her, shut the refrigerator door, and then slammed her back against it. She moaned into his mouth, roughly grabbing his hair with one hand while sliding his jacket off his body with the other. He removed his arms from her just long enough to have the jacket fall carelessly to the floor. 

His hands were back on her in an instant, unfastening the front of her extremely revealing top. He removed her hands off of himself before pushing the skimpy shirt off her shoulders. Smirking to himself, he noticed the pale pink flush that covered her whole body. He knew she didn't wear anything underneath her shirt; there wasn't enough room for it, but then again, she always did manage to sometimes hide a gun in there. He grabbed her chin, tilting it upward to claim her lips again before letting his hands caress the length of her body once more. 

Faye's lithe hands nimbly unbuttoned his yellow shirt before letting her fingertips dance over the newly bared skin. She felt his muscles bunch and tense under her touch before relaxing once again. His strength and figure had always impressed her. Thin fingers slowly moved up his chest, over his shoulders, and down his arms, removing the cotton material as they went. 

His lips were traveling from her own, down her chin, back to her neck lightly nipping the tender flesh he sought out there. Letting out a contented sigh, she wrapped one of her long legs around his waist as their waists met. It wasn't long before they were moving against one another with his teeth digging into her neck while her finger nails were biting into his back. Both of them were quietly moaning, knowing their actions were only a prelude to what was yet to come… 

* * *

"Faye, are you listening to me?" Jet barked. It was the third time he had called her name, and he knew the water in there had been running for far too long. He had checked her room about an hour ago and knew she was in the bathroom when he heard the sound of rushing water. She normally took only half an hour, but when a full hour had passed, he began to worry. Damn the woman for making him give a shit, but he did. 

When her head snapped up to look away from the flowing water and at him, he suddenly got a pang of regret for yelling at her. Her eyes were so wide, dark, and lost. She looked like a mixture of being confused, hopeless, and something else that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Needless to say, he was shocked and wondered what the Hell was wrong with her. He hadn't seen that look for nearly two years, and it was a shock to the system to see it again. 

"Faye," he asked as softly as his gruff voice could go, "are you okay?" Her eyes changed back to normal after a few seconds of silence as if it had never happened. Turning her head back to the running faucet, she shut it off and grabbed the towel that she had thrown onto the floor. 

"I'm fine," she replied emotionlessly as she dried off her hands with the towel. She wasn't convincing to him, let alone herself. "If you're going to scold me for last night, I would prefer it if you didn't right now. I have enough on my mind." Her curt speech wasn't anything new to him, but it was just out of character at the moment. She hadn't spoken to him like that in a long time, a very long time. 

She finished toweling off her hands and then slung it over her shoulder carelessly. Turning around, she picked up her other clothes off the floor. It was then that she again focused her attention on Jet, standing there as if waiting to be dismissed. 

"I didn't come here to talk to you about that, but it will be brought up later today," he warned. She nodded and yawned seemingly uninterested as she leaned her elbows back against the sink. She was putting up a front before him, which he didn't like in the least. A frown clearly showed up on his face. Still, he could tell by the look in her eyes, now wasn't the time to discuss it. He continued talking when she gave him her infamous, '_So what do you want_?' look. 

"Ed found me a somewhat easy three million wulong bounty. I'll probably be out for the day-" 

"And you need me to play Mother while you're gone," she cut in before he got the finish. Her eyebrow was arched as she gave him a questioning look. He never let her do this after a night of drinking. He knew the liquor was still too strong in her system, so it would affect her judgment. He simply grunted in affirmation, his fancy way of saying yes. "I see." 

"It's not like you have to do much, and we really need the money. Ed's sleeping on the couch because I made her stay up all night researching and waiting for you. She's not the one I'm concerned about, though." He stared at her, knowing she would get his meaning. He was worried about Spike. "I don't want his dumb ass to get over worked like it did yesterday. It's annoying to have to watch over him like a hawk." 

"He's awake isn't he?" she asked, ignoring his previously stated comment. 

"'Fraid so." 

She paused for a moment, thinking to herself. So it would just be a matter of her watching and yet avoiding him. She could do that. "Thanks, Jet, and good luck," she told him as she waved at him with one hand. She was already out the door when he called out her name one last time. Stopping without turning around, she waited for him to say what he intended to say. 

"He knows. I didn't tell him everything, but he knows." He watched as the muscles in her back tensed. So, he had found out. This was turning out to be a peachy day indeed. Without a work, she continued walking down to her room. Today was going to be an overly dramatic day like yesterday, but it would always be like that. Silly Faye for expecting anything less. When it came to her and Spike, dramatics were always included. 

She strolled down the hall, relief filling her because her mind was for some reason clear and the headache was fading. It was rare that this happened, so she wanted to take advantage of it. Jet wanted her to watch over the two young ones. Ed was old enough to be more lethargic around the ship, so that wasn't a problem. For that, she loved teenagers; they were always so damn lazy. Spike was a whole other story. He was a smart and hard ass, so dealing with him would be difficult. He had changed; she gave him that, but not enough so that she didn't hate him from time to time. 

She noticed that while she started thinking about him, she was passing by his room. Faye paused outside the door. It was barely open, something that normally didn't happen. There was an urge inside her to look into his room. As much as she hated to admit it, she was worried about him. He was probably still grieving Julia's death. She'd heard about it from Jet, and she knew that it had occurred three years ago for them, but it happened only a couple days ago for him. It must have hurt to watch someone you love die in your arms. She didn't know what that felt like. 

Worry and curiosity got the best of her as she peered into his room. There Spike was, sitting on his worn out bed with the same pants he had on the previous day. His thin hands were limply hanging between his open legs. His head was bowed down, so his eyes were covered by his unruly green hair, but she knew from his posture that he was tense. She was right; he was most likely grieving over his fallen angel. It wasn't her place to comfort him. He had to get over that on his own. 

It wasn't like she didn't care about him; this was just something that was out of her hands. There was nothing she could do to help him, and that was reason enough to walk away. He left her to fix her own problems; the same for him would be fitting. With that in mind, she moved away from the door after softly closing it, leaving them both to handle their respective thoughts. 

When she came to her room, she threw her clothes and her towel into the hamper. It was starting to get full; she'd have to do the laundry today as well. There were so many things that she needed to get done, yet all of them were being evasive from her mind. It was probably due to the alcohol still in her system. Nothing was assured. Snatching a hair tie off her dresser, she noticed the half empty bottle of beer resting on it as well. The engine of the Hammerhead was sounding in the distance, a sign that Jet was leaving. It wouldn't matter; she was half drunk anyway. Shrugging her shoulders, she tied her hair back into a loose ponytail before swiping the bottle off the dresser and taking a quick swig. It was still somewhat fresh. It was good for now. 

With the bottle in hand, she sauntered out of the room with a small bounce in her step. She was definitely still tipsy, but as long as she could watch her mouth and walk in a straight line, she was fine. Currently, she could do both; therefore she was fine. 

When she entered what everyone considered to be the living room, she noticed Ed sleeping on the couch with Ein resting on her stomach. Faye smiled at the scene, unconscious of the fact that her eyes were brighter than they usually were. Her cheeks were flushed. 

Raising Ed for the past three years with a small bit of help from Jet had been a very interesting experience to say the least. Ed had never fully explained why she had come back, but Faye had her suspicions. Maybe she could never find her father again, or maybe she knew they needed her help. Maybe it was a mixture of both, or something more. Whatever the reason was, Faye and Jet couldn't really explain how relieved they were when she came back with the info that could help them save Spike. It was as if the family slowly started coming back together again. 

Actually raising Ed was a whole other issue. Faye always had the biggest impact on the child, but that was because Ed lacked a mother and sister figure. They mainly worked on her appearance and her speech, but some things just never changed. Things like the goggles on her head and her nicknames that she gave everyone remained unchanged; however, her manner of speech and the constant rhyming and shouting had been rapidly decreasing due to long hard battles. The results were good, but they weren't in any way easy to obtain. Faye partially had to thank Ed's rapid decrease in energy; it had been more helpful than she ever could express. 

Sleeping on the couch as opposed to the floor or stairwell had been another one of Faye's achievements. She smirked down at her handy work. She took long as swig of her bottle, then placing it down on the table. Turning around, she walked toward the kitchen, her stomach lowly growling and aching with hunger pains. 

Automatically walking over to the fridge, she opened up the door and looking into its white walls. Before her eyes adjusted to the light flooding across her face, her hands clutched onto the fridge. Her knuckles turned into a pale white color as another memory from the same day filled her mind… 

* * *

_His hands tightened around her wrists, snuggly pinning them against the wall behind her. Soft lips were feverishly running up and down her neck; they paused every now and then to let out a ragged breath that seemed to burn her skin. His other hand was on the small of her back, holding her body as close to him as possible. He was moving inside of her at a steady pace, not exactly slow, but it wasn't fast enough. Her head was tilting to the side, exposing more of her neck to him. Easily taking advantage of her offer, he marked her pale skin with his kisses in any place that was within reach. _

Her hands were idly twitching in his grasp. There was an urge, a need to run her hands down his chiseled back. She wanted, needed to feel his muscles flex beneath her touch. She didn't care about his sweat that was going to get onto her hands. She was impressed by his strength and simply wanted to feel more of it. The twitches of her hands were felt by him; it only caused his hold on her to become firmer, preventing even the slightest amount of movement. 

He wanted total control over what was happening. He wanted to possess her in every way imaginable. 

Raising his head, he stared down at her, taking in what he saw. Her mouth was barely hanging open, just wide enough for him to hear her faint pants and even softer moans. Her cheeks were flushed a bright rosy color, highly contrasting with her dark eyes which only seemed darker for they were filled with lust. She was beautiful to him, absolutely beautiful. Seeing her like that only increased his passion for her. 

"Look at me, Faye," he quietly yet fiercely demanded while he never slowed down his constant rhythm. Her wide eyes snapped into focus, staring directly into his dark, mismatched, brown orbs. Time slowed down for a moment, and suddenly he completely understood her and her him. There were reasons for their actions that no one else but them could possibly understand. She knew why he pursued the dream; he saw why she wanted to know her past. 

The understanding only lasted for a fraction of a second, but it was just long enough to spark new life into them. For now, he would wake up, and she would forget her past. For now, they were both going to live. 

Her eyes stayed locked with his, but the moment was broken when he clenched his teeth and roughly thrusted into her. His grip tightened on her to the point of pain, but she screamed out in pleasure, holding on to him as if she were going to fall to her death if she let go. The pain greatly intensified the pleasure, causing her head to snap back as she bit down on her lower lip in order to stifle another loud cry. 

Seeing this, he kissed her lips while increasing his speed. Letting go of her hands, he braced his hands on both sides of her head, moaning into her mouth when her nails dug into his back and her legs tightened around his waist to support herself. Pulling away just enough so that they could feel each other's breaths on their lips, he spoke to her. 

"Don't do that again." She wanted to ask him what, but he slammed into her again making the memory of how to form words lapse from her mind. He leaned over to her ear and breathed, "No one's here to hear us, so I want to hear you. Every pant, moan, and sigh_." _

He pulled away, staring into her eyes to see if she understood him. He deeply thrusted into her again, watching her reaction play across her face and trembling when her throaty cry hit his ears. "Spike," she groaned as she moved in perfect unison with him. 

His eyes only darkened more with lust when she said his name. He pressed her harder against the wall, feeling her legs squeeze his hips impossibly tight. Everything about her was starting to drive him crazy. The feel of her skin pressed against his, her responses, even the sounds she made. Slowly yet surely, it started to make him lose control. He kissed her hard again as he grabbed the back of her head and crushed her mouth against his. Continuing to move in and out of her at an increasing speed, he stopped kissing her and let the sounds she was making wash over him. 

"Again, Faye," he growled huskily against her lips as he gave her passionate kisses between words. 

She knew that he felt like she did at that moment. He was probably so close to climaxing that it was painful, but she wanted to make this last. She clenched her muscles around him, enjoying the low groan that came from his mouth. They had complete control over one another without knowing it. She bit down onto his shoulder as she rode him. By the constant tensing of his muscles, she just knew. 

He was close to ecstasy. 

So very close… 

* * *

Faye closed her eyes tightly before opening them as wide as they would go. An almost empty fridge with amazingly white walls greeted her vision. Shaking her head, she reached in and randomly grabbed an object. Taking it out, she slammed the door and stared down at the item in her hand. Even though she was looking straight at it, her mind didn't register what it was. Fragments and single images of the memory were clouding her brain. Her body was lightly trembling while confusion and a sense of panic filled her. That memory hadn't been brought up in her head for several months. Why in the Hell was it even on her mind? 

"Generally, when one obtains food, she eats it rather than staring at it," a smug yet tired voice behind her said. Her eyes finally focused on the object in her hand. It was cherry yogurt. Ed loved that stuff. She hated it. 

Placing the yogurt down on the nearby table, she acknowledged him. "Spike." Her voice was thinly laced with her previous confusion and lust. Mentally kicking herself, she hoped that he wouldn't notice and let it slide. Faye didn't have to face him to know that he was staring at her. She could always feel when his eyes were focused solely on her. 

"Faye?" he asked with a hint of concern. "You okay?" He had noticed. Shit. 

Faye was uncomfortable with the whole idea that he knew as much as he did already. It would be too risky if he started asking question now. She wasn't as sober as she originally thought. She really had to cut down on her drinking. 

"What are you doing up?" she asked, avoiding the question. Her voice came off in harder tone than she intended, but it served him right. He shouldn't have been asking her silly questions such as how she was feeling. Plus he should have been resting. The man had been walking around too much for his own good. When he would eventually try to push himself too far like everyone knew that he would, she would just go shake her head and say, '_You should have known better_.' 

He shrugged and tried standing on his legs without the support of the doorframe. "I have to move to get my strength back, you know." At this, she turned her head toward him with a tiny frown etched on her face. 

Silently, she studied him as if judging to see if he was fit to move. He was still breathing as heavily as he had yesterday, maybe a little bit softer, but it was still an improvement. He was a determined little bastard, and she could tell he would stop at almost nothing to be able to get his ass to the kitchen and his favorite couch. He was Spike after all; why had she ever doubted? 

"Right," she commented more to herself than to him. "Anyway, I've got things to do." Her voice seemed far away, and Spike knew something was wrong with her or at least something was troubling her mind. Spike knew better than to press the issue, but he couldn't stop noticing it. For some strange reason, he felt guilty. 

Whether it was just him being bold or stupid, he asked, "Such as?" to see if she were lying or not. 

"Things… that I have to do." She was lying. He gave her a hard stare, asking her to explain herself, but she simply ignored him and looked passed him. Spike knew nothing was there; she was just avoiding his gaze. Something was definitely out of place. One way or another he would eventually find out; however, today wasn't that day. 

Heat was flowing through her body. God, he probably had no idea what his eyes were doing to her, and with the memory still corrupting her mind, she couldn't help but get the feeling that he was looking at her for a different reason. It was almost exactly like the same look he gave her when… 

_His hands were buried in her hair as he kissed her savagely. Moaning into his mouth, she bit down on his lower lip and rocked harder against him, increasing their passion as their moans only got louder with every deep thrust…_

'_Damnit, stop that!_' she hissed to herself, thankful that she didn't say it aloud. Yes, her body was definitely getting that same warm feeling that she was used to having around him constantly three years ago. She had been around him for too long. Now was just not the time for this mess. 

She left the room without another word, making sure that she didn't touch him as she passed by. Touching him might only reinforce the visions she was busy trying to banish. He was too weak to follow her, but he figured he would get his chance to talk to her soon enough. Right now, he was hungry, and the yogurt on the table was looking very good to him. 

Cautious of his tired muscles, he started walking toward the small cup. The very tip of his tongue was peeking out of the corner of his mouth as he used will power and concentration to move his body across the room. This was for some reason harder than actually walking to the kitchen from his room, but walking to the kitchen wasn't as important as finally getting some decent food in his stomach. Small beads of sweat started appearing on his forehead, while he muscles were reminding him that he had walked too much that day already. 

Finally, he was close enough so that if he just reached out, he would be able to grab it. This was all way too much damn work for that small ass cup, but food was food, and damned, if he wasn't hungry. Just as he was about to reach out for the cup, a blur of orange, white, and blue rushed by him with a gust of wind. His mouth dropped in horror when he saw it grab the yogurt and yank it off the table. 

Suddenly, he heard someone or something call out, "Danke danke, Spike-person!" It was Ed. She laughed as she rushed out of the room again with the prized possession in her hand, leaving Spike to only stare down at his hand reaching out for now empty space. Without dropping his hand, he turned his head to look at the door that she ran out of; his eye twitched with frustration. Damn children. 

A loud growl erupted from his stomach, causing his face to drop and his eyes to close. It seemed loud enough to echo throughout the whole ship. Too bad no one heard it. Sighing to himself, he plopped down onto the ground with his hands in his lap. He glared at the floor, ignoring his stomach that was filled with pain and a distinct lack of food. This was just great; he had no food, no Faye to confront, and he was too exhausted from trying to get that goddamn yogurt to chase either. 

Even so, a small smile found its way onto his face. As annoying and hungry as it had made him, he had to admit that he appreciated it. Ed gave him that comforting sense of normalcy that he so desperately needed. 

  
  



	4. The Lightest Touch

**Author's Note**: This chapter and the next chapter were originally supposed to be part of the same chapter, but when I completed this, I realized that it was already 8,000+ words. To be nice, I broke it down in two sections so I could focus on each one more. You'll even be able to tell when Chapter 5 comes out that their names are part of the same sentence. 

Also, I would like to apologize if the story is moving 'too slowly' or if it's 'too wordy.' The way that I basically wrote this story was to focus more on all the little actions and the reasoning behind them that each character goes through. It's meant to show how their actions speak louder than their words. Detail brings that out much better. Anyway, enjoy. 

  
  
**_

The Subtle Moments

_**

Chapter 4: The Lightest Touch…

  
  
Three full weeks have passed by, and where was Spike? lying on the couch with his hands behind his head, a limp cigarette hanging between his thin lips, and his legs casually being lifted up and down with Ed hanging on them by her legs. It was one of the few ways that he had been training his legs so that they would be in fully working condition again. He was now able to walk short distances without any trouble, a very noteworthy improvement. Short distances were known as walks from his room to the bathroom, then to the kitchen, and finally to the couch where he was currently reclining. The trip to the room where he normally trained was either constantly occupied by Faye, or he was too tired to go there. Instead, he merely trained in his room or in the living room, whichever one he happened to be in at the time. It was nothing fancy, but he got used to it after a while. It wasn't like he really had a choice, either. 

He was partially glad that Ed was willing to sit around long enough for him. When he first asked, he wasn't aware of how laid back she had become, but now he was extremely thankful for it, just like everyone else on the ship. She wasn't actually paying attention to him while he was lifting her up and down for she was lost within her Tomato doing whatever it was that she did best. At the moment, she was probably looking for another bounty at Jet's request. He had been restless for a while, or maybe he hadn't been sleeping; it wasn't like he needed the money, he just needed something to do, something to keep him awake or away from the ship. Normally the bonsai trees would have kept him busy and content, but with the new change in Faye's attitude, it took a lot more than his trees to distract him. 

Everyone was starting to be effected by Faye's sudden and prolonged mood swing. Jet was definitely more tired, if anything. Everyday for the past few weeks, he had to go catch Faye at whatever bar she had been drinking at for that night. She would always come back in his arms, sleeping like a newborn baby, only to wake up at ungodly hours of the day. 

Ed was normally sitting on the couch, waiting for them to appear. She was constantly afraid that Faye might run off again, so she always waited for Jet's return. No one really knew what affect it had on Ed when Faye had disappeared for that week, but judging by her current reaction, she didn't want anything like that ever happening again. Sometimes, she was even worried when Jet would be gone for more than a couple days because of a bounty. She was a strange girl with well hidden emotions like that. One just needed to know where to look. 

Jet's eyes were always filled with a sad emotion whenever he saw that same worried look in Ed's face each time he came back to the BeBop with Faye. He had seen it so many times; he could now tell that it was going to be there even without looking at her. God, how he _hated_ that look. It reminded him too much of how things used to be. Everything started being what it had been over two years ago. It was like they were going back in time. 

Spike started staying awake at night waiting for Jet's return, too. He never left his room at first because he was still too weak, but he had been awake. There was no real reason for him to be up, but he felt like he had to be up for him to come back. He just stayed in his room, leaning against his door so that he could hear everything clearer. He wasn't really sure why he had to know whether or not Jet came in with Faye, but after his last real discussion with Jet, he felt guilty about Faye's drinking problem. He really didn't think she'd do something like that, but she had. Everything that dealt with her constantly caught him off guard nowadays. 

Now Spike would wait in the kitchen, sitting at his usual chair, listening to Ed be restless on the couch with Ein lying at her feet. In there, he thought that it would be less likely for him to be found. For the most part, he was right. Only once had Jet found Spike in the kitchen. He had been sitting with the salt shaker in his hand, just absent mindly staring at the wall. Thirty full minutes had passed before any real conversation had started. Jet wasn't used to seeing Spike sit that still for such a long period of time. It had seriously unnerved him, watching Spike like that. That had happened a couple days ago. 

When his thigh muscles began to protest the constant movement, Spike stopped his legs from moving as he settled Ed back down onto the couch. She didn't look over at him, or ask why he stopped. She knew that he was probably finished for the day, so she quickly detached from his calves and continued looking for another bounty without skipping a beat. He sat up and removed the cigarette from his mouth as a cloud of smoke swirled around his head. Very little had been happening today, but instead of feeling relaxed like he thought he should have, it only felt like the calm before the storm to him. 

He had yet to talk to Faye about what had happened, but it was hard for him to bring it up when she was obviously avoiding him. During the day, she would sleep, get up to eat, work out, shower, sleep some more, and then she would go out to drink. It had happened day in and day out for the past 2 and a half weeks. He had memorized her daily schedule perfectly. Once, he had even tried to intercept her at one of the points of the day, but the moment she saw him, her eyes opened wide, and then she turned around and left the room without a word. On the day that had happened, she went out to drink earlier than normal. It was easy to assume that he would never make that mistake again. 

He didn't know why she was so uncomfortable around him. Maybe it had to do with what had happened, but he could never really figure it out. It wasn't like he had really tried to upset her like he was obviously doing. Spike didn't understand why he was so concerned about her in the first place. Wasn't he supposed to be grieving over Julia? At first, he had, but she hadn't exactly done anything to contact him before the last time he met up with her. Three whole years had passed, and nothing was given to him even as a subtle clue. There wasn't a good reason for that, was there? 

The whole ordeal didn't seem real to him. Even when she had died in his arms, it was like he was still stuck in the dream. That was it, though. He wasn't in the dream anymore. He had woken up; this is where it had led him. This is where the dream ended and harsh reality began. He was alive with no love, and no real enemy. He was back inside the BeBop with those whom he considered family, yet it wasn't like they were his family at all. 

Jet was their disgruntled father; everyone agreed on that. There was nothing else that the ex-cop could have been, even though most who only got a quick glance at him would never figure him to be a father figure. Ed was like the younger sister, or maybe she was just everyone's daughter. Sometimes she was one, sometimes she was she was the other, and other times she wasn't either. It was hard to explain what she meant to all of them because to each person she meant something different. He really didn't know. 

Ein was the family dog. Hands down, case closed, no question about it. 

But what did that make Faye? Was she his sister? That couldn't have been; what they had done did way more than cross the brother-sister boundaries. Still, she wasn't exactly like his girlfriend or wife either. He didn't really know what to explain what they had, or if they had anything at all. He was just Spike, and Faye was just Faye. The dreamer and the shrew, but now neither of them fit their previous titles. She had calmed down and actually stared helping, while he was more attached and more in touch with what was going on around him. He no longer had a dream to chase, and she no longer had a past to find. They both found what they were looking for, and it did them little to no good. Still, they were forever changed by it. 

He didn't like thinking this much about her, but it was all he could do to get his mind off of Julia. There was nothing he could do for her; she had died, and as far as he had heard, they didn't even get to bury her. Vicious probably had something to do with her lack of a burial, but since he was dead, Spike would never know if that were true. Officially, there was nothing for him to return to on Mars, so he tried to block as much of it out of his mind as possible. It was finally time for him to forget the dream and his past. Now there was just him concentrating on picking up all the differences in his crew members and his future. 

With Jet and Ed there wasn't really a lot to notice. Most of their changes were straight forward and apparent, but with Faye, there were so many things that were different that she just kept clouding his mind; it was driving him insane. He missed bugging the Hell out of the shrew woman he used to know. He hated to admit it, but he missed the old Faye. Okay, maybe now that he thought about it, he didn't miss the annoying shrew, but he missed the Faye that he knew right before he had left to go fight Vicious. That Faye was sexy, spunky, sure of herself, and yet modest, calmer, and quieter. He assumed she was becoming a mixture of whom she was and whom she turned into. That was the Faye he truly didn't mind being around. That was the Faye he could have seen himself eventually falling for if he never loved Julia. 

Now even she was gone, turned into a shell of herself that drank into oblivion and kept away from others. He was left with this new Faye that he didn't even really know, but he worried about her all the same, even if he were the only person that really knew about it. 

The heavy sound of boots echoed against the halls, breaking Spike's concentration and his brooding mood. Turning around, he noticed that Ed heard and responded to it, too. Now both of them were staring up at Jet with confused yet blank faces as his arms crossed in front of his chest. Dark circles were forming under his eyes; his whole body looked almost completely worn out. He hadn't been sleeping much, and everything about his appearance seemed to scream it out. He looked down at them, noticing that they both looked like small children looking up at their father waiting from him to give them their chores for the day. 

"Find anything yet, Ed?" Jet asked with a subtly hopeful tone in his voice. He needed to get away from the ship for a while. Everything that had been going on was now starting to get under his skin. Another couple days of this, and he knew he would snap. She merely shook her head in a negative way with an apologetic look on her face. 

"Nothin', Jet-person. I told you that there wouldn't be anyone for a while." He nodded and let out a sign of disappointment as he lifted up a hand to rub the back of his neck. Even the muscles in his neck were getting way too tense. Spike took another drag on his cigarette before crushing the mostly used up bud in the ashtray on the table. 

Jet looked over at him and let both of his arms dangle at his sides. "Has she left her room yet?" He knew about Spike's sudden interest in what Faye did everyday. Although he never really knew why it had started, he knew better than to pry. Everything just worked out better that way. Plus at least now he knew that he could at least rely on one person knowing where she was at any point of the day; it would just have to be him. 

"Nope. She should have left it about an hour ago, but there hasn't been a sound from her room," Spike stated, trying to make his voice seem as neutral as possible. Even though Spike knew that Jet wasn't fooled by his act, he felt more comfortable with it on. At least he still would have something to hide behind. While he had been speaking, he was sifting through his pockets looking for his cigarettes. Jet knew it was only a method that he used to hide the look of worry that was plastered on his face. 

Jet's expression remained calm for a moment before it turned into one of frustration and anger. "Goddamn that woman!" he cursed, causing both Spike and Ed's heads to snap up and look at him. The look in his eyes was one that was strange yet familiar to them. He was angry, that much was obvious, but there were still traces of worry lining his face and his eyes. Maybe Jet had changed more than Spike really gave him credit for. 

Jet stormed out of the room and headed straight for Faye's chamber. He was fuming inside. That damned, lazy woman was causing more of a commotion on his ship than he was ready to handle. He knew that she was having trouble adjusting to Spike being with them again, but this was just ridiculous. He didn't have a clue what had happened between them; he didn't think it was anything serious enough for her to start up this shit all over again. He put up with it for three weeks now and three years before this; he was damn sure that it wasn't going to last another day. 

Coming up to her room, he pounded on the door with his metallic arm, stopping only for a minute to listen for any reaction within the room. When he heard nothing, he yelled, "Faye, open up the damn door before I break it down!" The sound of rustling bed sheets was faintly heard behind the door, but the sound still stayed on the far side of the room. "Damnit, Faye, I mean it!" When he didn't hear her moving after his second call, he tried opening up the door only to discover that it was already open. 

Slowly, he walked inside, scanning the dark room with his eyes to see where Faye was. The darkness of the room gave him an unsettling feeling. Something just wasn't right. When he looked at her bed, he saw her exposed backside to him with waves of violet hair on and around her shoulders. Her whole body was scrunched up into a ball with her arms wound around her bent legs. The sheets were bunched up at her feet, leaving her completely bare to the open air. All the previous anger and irritation were completely washed away, quickly being replaced by worry and shock. 

How long had she been just _lying_ like this? 

"Faye?" Jet asked cautiously as he walked closer to her bed. The way she appeared just made everything about the situation seem completely surreal. He was almost afraid to go closer to her, but his feet were already reacting without the mind's consent. As he was watching her, he saw the muscles in her body twitch enough for them to clearly show up on her back. A quiet sob came from her now trembling form. 

After a long moment of silence, she barely whispered, "It hurts." He looked at her puzzled for a second before walking right next to the bed. Staring down at her, he saw that her head was tucked between her knees. When he looked hard enough, he could see a dark, wet spot growing beneath her cheek that was hovering right above the mattress. She had been crying, but for how long he wasn't sure. What the Hell had happened to her? 

"What hurts?" he asked before removing her pillow that she wasn't using and sitting on her bed. She didn't look up at him, but continued to shake lightly, muttering small words beneath her breath. He had never seen her this bad before; sometimes she came close to this, but it never was quite this bad. To say the least, it truly frightened him. He had promised himself long ago that he'd never let her get this bad. 

"Everywhere," she finally sobbed. "Everything, Jet… It all hurts." She choked out the last sentence as she quickly buried her face in the palms of her hands. Three years ago, he would have walked away; three years ago, he would have called her an emotional, stubborn woman and walked away without ever looking back. This wasn't three years ago, though. This was now. Now, Jet reached over for her shoulder and lightly grasped it. It wasn't a full embrace, but it was his way of comforting someone. It was his way of letting her know that he was listening. 

"Faye," he lightly asked, "how long have you been lying there?" She didn't respond for a moment, for she was too wrapped up in her crying to hear him at first. 

"Too long," she gasped out. He was going to say something, but she softly continued, "I can't get up. Everything hurts. Jet, it all-" 

"I know. I know." He stood up and towered over her. She was such a sorry sight. Inside, he wished that he would never have to see her like this again. He wasn't sure if he would be able to take it, let alone her. She seemed so lost and alone. Guessing that she had been like this since last night, he leaned over and picked her up, seemingly cradling her in his arms. At that moment, he realized how light she really seemed. So much lighter than what she used to be. "We're gonna give you a bath, okay?" 

She didn't look up at him, but he could see the streaks of teas staining her cheeks. With a small nod, she whispered, "Okay," before he carried her off into the hallway, down to the bathroom. 

Jet knew he would have to eventually ask her what had caused that, but after smelling the stench of vodka that literally almost clung to her, he could easily guess that it had something to do with her constant drinking that she started up again. He always found her doing and talking about the strangest of things after her days of heavy continuous drinking, but nothing ever this bad. She looked completely shattered, as if there were no will power to live left within her. 

He still managed to hold her up with one arm while he prepared the bath in the bathroom. Her limbs were hanging limply out of his grasp, making her seem like an oversized doll. To him, she felt like dead weight. When the tub was full, he softly whispered a few comforting words as he slipped her into the hot water. She didn't react to it, even though he knew it was a tad bit hotter than what she usually liked. Her blank eyes seemed to stare out into nothingness; she was completely ignoring the fact that Jet was in the room. 

Since he wasn't sure if she were just going to sit in the water or not, he grabbed a washcloth out of a nearby cabinet and soaked it in the water. This hadn't been the first time he had to give her a bath because she was too drunk to do it herself. That still didn't mean that he was all that comfortable with it. Maybe more familiar, but not comfortable. Before he had the chance to lift his hand again, she grasped his wrist with a firm touch. He looked up at her face, only to notice that her bloodshot eyes were locked onto him. 

"I didn't want to tell you because I was embarrassed." He looked at her puzzled for a moment, unsure of what she was talking about. Her gaze was unwavering, but he could see the tears collecting in her eyes. They were tears of shame and regret. Tears saying that whatever sin that she was punishing herself for, she would gladly do again. 

Her grip loosened only a bit, but it was enough for him to take back his hand. "What are you talking about?" She curled her legs against her body and wrapped her arms around her legs. Placing her chin on her knees, she stared straight ahead of her with emotionless eyes. 

"I fucked him, Jet. I can't even call it anything else because that's what it was." She paused for a moment, testing him to see his reaction. Her voice had been surprisingly steady. He had a good idea of whom she was talking about. He even had a suspicion about it before now. "Spike, that is… That's only if you don't know whom I'm talking about." 

"I know." It wasn't an answer that she was suspecting, but she was glad that there were no signs of disgust in his voice. It made her feel at ease, even if it were only by a little bit. He could tell by the way her shoulders slumped and relaxed slightly when he spoke those words. A part of him didn't want to listen to what she had to say, but that was his old self talking. He had become more open and understanding to Faye's needs over time because he knew she needed it. She needed so much more than what she let on. So much more… 

"I can't even begin to count the times," she continued, her voice still unnervingly calm. "All the different things we did in all the different places." A smile graced her lips when she spoke this, but since he was looking at her profile, he couldn't tell that the smile didn't reach her eyes. Such good and yet sad memories, memories that plagued her at night, but she didn't want them to go away. "If you knew everything, you wouldn't want to touch anything on this ship again. We were just that creative. 

"He did more than fuck with my body though. That I could just ignore. It's happened so many times before that I can just ignore the physical part of it. But he did so much more than mess with my body…" For the first time, since she started talking, she looked at him. "Jet, if I knew that eventually he would leave without a goodbye, which I did know that he would do, when it happened, why did it hurt so much?" 

She never asked him such a serious question like this before. Normally, she would just talk, and his job was just to sit there and listen. She knew when she came to him that he didn't have all the answers; she knew he didn't even have most of them. Still, he didn't want to push her away; she didn't want to leave. It would only do more harm than good at the moment. 

"I don't know, Faye," he answered honestly. "I really don't know." At least he was telling the truth. He didn't know why she cared so much. They all knew he was going to get up and leave one day after they first found about the whole Vicious and Julia ordeal. Jet knew that the day was coming ever since he first met Spike, and when it eventually came, he knew just to let the man go. Faye was a different issue, though. She was probably closer and more like him than anyone ever noticed or admitted. The relationship that they apparently chose to have only complicated situations. 

"When we found him, I was still pissed off at him for leaving. It was as if what had happened between us didn't matter at all to him, and in a way, that was my fault. I had set up the rules so that it wouldn't mean anything. I didn't expect anything big from him, no emotions or attachments, but I didn't expect him to forget me as if I meant nothing at all. When I finally needed someone to connect to, someone I thought I could trust, he just got up and was gone. I was left with only myself… 

"Now that he's awake and he wants to actually acknowledge what had happened, I run away like he did. I run because I don't want to face it; I don't want to hear him say what happened was just something he regrets. Even if he doesn't regret it, what if he wants it to start all over again? I'm so scared that I'll fall into that pattern so helplessly again, only to have the same results... Jet, I don't want to be deserted anymore. I just want a _family_ and a place to call home..." 

The way that she looked while she was speaking was a look that Jet would never forget. It was hard to describe because so many different emotions were flowing over her face at such a rapid speed that it was hard for him to keep up with them all. Anger, rage, depression, fear, pain, loneliness… They all flickered on her face for a moment before fading into the next. Whatever impact Spike had caused on her was one that was most likely permanent. So this is what the Hell had been wrong with her for so long. He fucked around with her, left her, and then tried coming back as if nothing was wrong. What a usual idiot and jackass he was being. 

"Faye, I don't know what to tell you, but I do know that this is something that you and he have to take care of yourselves. I can only be there to help you, but I won't solve your problems for you." She was gazing at him with a blank look on her face, but he could see understanding and acceptance in her eyes. She knew this was her problem, and the only person that she shared it with was Spike. "Take your time though; I don't want you over working yourself. Now wash yourself up and get dressed. I'll have dinner ready in a little while." 

With that, he got up to leave the room and her sitting in the tub. Hesitantly, she reached for the washcloth that he left in the water. Staring at it as though it was a foreign object, she let it partially float it in hand that barely broke the surface of the water. Much was on her mind, and it was only going to get worse before it got any better. Before she got to actually start washing herself, she looked up when Jet called her name. 

"One last thing, Faye." He paused, giving her a hard look with just his head peeking through the door. A long silence filled the room before he continued. "I want you to stop that fucking drinking." He stopped to see if she had anything to say to his demand. When no remark came, he felt that there was nothing left to say; he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, leaving only a wet Faye to clean herself off. 

After staring emotionlessly at the door for a long time, she looked back into her lap and wrinkled her nose in disgust. The water was too damn hot. 

* * *

He dropped the cigarette onto the floor before crushing it beneath his worn out boot. His body was blended in with the shadows caused by the ship, leaving him invisible to Jet's eyes as he passed by. Spike watched his retreating form with an emotionless expression on his face. Earlier, he had been listening to the conversation that Faye and Jet had. Now Jet knew everything. He didn't know how uncomfortable it was going to be whenever he met Jet's gaze. This was only going to make his life more like Hell. He shouldn't have been eavesdropping in the first place, but it was one of the things that he did best. He was able to see without being seen. 

If there were ever a question about him feeling guilty for Faye's condition before, it was quickly answered now. So Jet was right in accusing him for Faye's current and previous problems. Still, that hadn't made it any better or easier to deal with. He had no idea that something like this would have happened to Faye, but even if he did know, would he have stayed with her? It was doubtful. At the time when he left for what he thought was for good, Julia was dead, and he still needed to settle the score with Vicious. He was also angry with himself for having such dry eyes when Julia died. 

He never did cry, and that was the thing that was eating him up the most. Generally when one has the love of their life dying in his arms, he cries for her. He didn't; instead, he just watched the dream die in silence. Julia had been his dream, and now she was gone. He even went after his old best friend for killing his dream. Now he was gone, too. There was nothing really left for him anymore, just a shattered dream and little hope for a future. He no longer had anyone to think about besides himself. Spike was left in this world with no more burdens on his shoulders. He was free. 

Or at least that's what he had thought. 

Now instead of worrying about Julia, he had to worry about Faye, the woman without a past, the gambler Poker Alice, the shrew. Still, that wasn't who she was anymore. He constantly had to keep reminding himself about that. Now she was just Faye. Faye was all those things and yet none of them at all. Faye was no longer the shrew; she was the woman who was currently sitting in the bathroom with puffy eyes and a bleeding ego. Maybe discovering her past had killed the shrew, but he definitely damaged the woman she was turning into. 

Listening to Jet and Faye's conversation gave him some answers, but there were still so many questions left unasked. There were questions like, '_What was next_?' She was afraid and hurt, which meant any chance of either of them reviving what they once had was minimal. He wasn't really sure if he even wanted that. It was obvious that she wanted it, but she didn't want it the way it had apparently turned out. He wasn't going to run off again, though. There would be no reason for it this time. 

When he disappeared on the nights before she woke up, it was because of Julia. When the whole relationship started, it was to convince himself that Julia really wasn't going to come back. She was gone, and it was time for him to move onward. To move on not into another relationship, but with life in general. Spike saw that possibility in Faye. At the time, he thought she was the key that he needed. Still, the memories of his love prevented him from any form of attachment. As long as Julia could have possibly been alive, having Faye in his arms at night didn't feel right to him. 

Still, even though it didn't feel like what he had with Julia, there was still something special about it. During the time with her, he felt as though he needed her like he needed air. She was constantly on his mind, plaguing his thoughts. She revived his sexual drive in a way he didn't think was possible. Only Julia had him hooked like that, but he was hooked by the heart with Julia. In lack of a better term, he was hooked by his crotch with Faye. 

Even so, at that time, it was the type of relationship that he wanted and needed. It was the true freedom that he desired with a woman. She was there to give him what he wanted, and she never said, '_No_.' He still gave her every opportunity to back out if she wanted to, but she stayed with him throughout everything. It was almost perfect. 

Then the worst thing that could have happened did. Not only was Julia still alive, but Faye was the first one to talk to her. Even before she gave him the message that Julia had sent, he saw the darkness within Faye's eyes. They almost looked like black orbs that wanted to swallow him whole when he met her gaze. It hadn't made sense until she told him what Julia had said. It was the only sign of jealousy or possessiveness that he had ever seen from Faye, but he didn't realize it until later. She now knew what she was up against. No wonder she looked so lost and dejected when he left. 

When he heard that Julia was alive, little else mattered to him. He didn't even bring it into mind that he _had_ fucked Faye a countless number of times. Julia was alive. What else was there to think about? That day he left without a word or a thought to Faye as well. He had a feeling that she knew it was going to happen, so at the time, it wasn't important enough for him to give thought to. 

When he came back that night, he now assumed that it was like he was reopening the wound that he had just caused in her. This time he didn't just leave without a decent goodbye; he left with the intention of dying. He never planned on coming back. Spike only wanted to be with his angel in their dream version of Heaven. 

Faye had no longer been part of the picture. 

Now, three years later, he was left without his dream angel and only with his reality. Faye. He didn't have a reason to leave her in the night or run away without a word anymore. He had no reason at all to go anywhere, so he would stay on the BeBop. He would stay around his warped family and with Faye. Still, it was and yet wasn't a very pleasing choice. The truth was that staying on the BeBop would only made things harder for him. 

Jet was obviously annoyed with him for doing that to her; he would be even more so pissed off now that he actually knew what had happened between them. Jet had changed so much. He cared so much more for Faye than he let on. She was now like his daughter, and Spike was beginning to feel like a teen that broke one of his date's dad's rules. That was something he just didn't want to fool around with, yet he knew it was coming. 

Ed was more natural and forgiving about it, but he still sometimes felt judged when he looked into the amber eyes of that fiery headed girl. She held so much more to her than anyone ever knew. Her uncanny attachment to Faye only proved that. 

He never got close enough to Faye to tell what she had been thinking. 

He pulled out another cigarette from his pack and placed it between his lips. Life was too hard at the moment. All he wanted to worry about was getting back in shape, maybe get some real food, and then sleep, but there was so much more that he had to have on his mind. Faye, Julia, Faye, Life… Faye, once again. 

As he pulled his lighter from his pocket, he heard the bathroom door softly open and close. Two footsteps sounded in his direction before they suddenly stopped. He lit his cigarette and took a long drag before looking up in front of him. 

Faye was standing right outside the bathroom door with a towel wrapped around her body and her hair hanged limply over her pale shoulders. Droplets of water were sliding down her arms and the front of her chest. Her eyes could only be described as wide and dark. She looked like a deer in headlights, completely scared to move. Seeing her like this only reminded him of why he thought she was beautiful in so many different ways from Julia. She was enticing. Something about her just made him want to reach out and stroke her. Already, he could feel the smallest hint of desire rising in him. 

"I know you're there, Spike," she stated with a hoarse voice. Even from where he was standing, he could hear her labored breath. She was nervous and uneasy. He could tell. 

Taking a drag on his cigarette, he placed the lighter back into his pocket. He stepped out of the shadows and locked his gaze with hers. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, but kept her eyes steady and on his. Just by the look in her eyes, he could tell that she wanted to run away from him like she always did. He knew that she knew better though. There wasn't anywhere for her to really go except her room. Even if she went there, he would have followed her. Spike needed everything to be cleared up some time soon. It was all starting to drive him nuts. 

"Faye," he said more as a greeting than a statement. He removed the cigarette from his lips and pulled out his pack. With the lighter beneath the pack, he silently offered it to her. Merely looking at it, she shook her head and took a small step back. Giving her a hard look for a moment, he wondered why she was constantly skitterish around him. Pushing the thought aside, he shrugged and placed the pack back into his pocket before tossing the lighter at her. 

She caught it with one hand while holding up her towel with the other. A look of confusion passed over her face before it melted back into its usual empty stare. An awkward silence filled the hall as he stood there smoking; she held the lighter in her closed palm before her. They weren't really tense, but they weren't exactly at ease either. There was so much to say, but neither one wanted to shatter the silence. It was the first time that they actually stood in each other's presence for three years without either one bolting from the room. It was somehow reassuring, but even the silence had to end. 

"I can't do this, Spike." She looked away from the lighter in her hand and back up to his face. His eyes had never left her figure since he first looked up at her. His eyes sent the familiar chill down her spine as she looked into them. They were the same as she remembered, but now it was harder to read them. Everything in them was so much more complex and deeper than what she usually thought. His real eye reflected so many conflicting emotions, yet his fake one reflected only one constant message. Emptiness. 

The way that she fidgeted under his stare was something that he had remembered loving. She always had that look of uncertainty and yearning whenever he stared right at her. Now wasn't an exception. It reminded him to much of how it used to be, but he knew that it was that exact thing that she was protesting. She was right; it would have been so easy just to fall back into their old pattern. The old pattern would have had him taking her right against the wall in this hallway just because she stared at him like that. The old pattern gave promises, but never delivered. 

"I know." His gaze was silently telling her what he was thinking about. It wasn't hard to pick up because she had the same nostalgic glint in her eyes. They both missed it, and yet they wanted to avoid it. It was a mistake that shouldn't be repeated, but wasn't repeating mistakes part of human nature? Heat was starting to slowly flow through her body. This was too familiar. Now she really had to escape before she did something stupid, before she did something she knew she would regret. 

Looking away, she turned her focus onto the ground. Looking at him would only make matters worse. She didn't want that, didn't need it. "You over heard, didn't you?" The question was almost silent, but she asked anyway, even though she knew the answer. She could hear him taking a step closer to her, but she didn't know if he truly had control over what he was doing. Faye knew she could do that to him without trying; she just prayed that it wouldn't happen now. 

"Yeah." It came out more as a sigh than a response. The steps suddenly stopped. Closing her eyes, she tried to somehow will his presence away. It would never work. Suddenly, she felt a warm hand cup the side of her face, slowly turning it towards him. She didn't want to know why he had gotten so close to her, but she could basically feel the heat radiating from his body through his yellow shirt that he almost always wore. Still averting his gaze, she opened her eyes to look at his chin instead. 

"Then you know why I can't." She held her breath when he tilted up her chin more so that she was looking right into his eyes. She wanted to close her eyes, wanted to run, wanted to get away. God, she just wanted him to stop looking at her like that. Faye wanted herself to stop _wanting_ him to look at her that way. His face was slowly drawing closer to hers, and a subtle wave of panic washed over her. He was too close, too close for her to control herself… Any closer and she would just fall into that same old trap she was trying to escape. She _needed_ this, but didn't want to need it. Never- 

"There's no reason for me to leave again... You don't have to worry." Soft lips came close enough to just barely brush against hers. She was like a drug, a very addictive and dangerous drug to him, but he couldn't stop. In the back of his mind, he didn't want to stop. Seeing her like that just brought back so many good memories, and it wasn't like they had to see each other in secret. With Faye, he was so much more open. There was nothing to hold him back from being with her. At the time, it had felt so good… 

Just before he sealed her lips with his, she finally let out the breath that she was holding in and quickly asked, "What about your love for Julia?" At that sentence, he completely froze. 

Many different thoughts flew through his mind at that question. She brought up the one thing that he had almost completely forgotten about. It never had been an issue before, but now it seemed like she was using it as a shield to hide from him. The question, '_Why_?' kept flying through his head as he tried to collect all his thoughts in an orderly manner. It was hard for him to do with his lust for Faye clouded his mind. Just being around her always seemed to muddle his judgment. 

Nevertheless, her question did get his undivided attention. When it finally snapped into his brain what she _really_ had been asking, a frown formed on his face. It killed the previous mood, regardless of how the heat from her body was still softly stirring desire within him. His lips were still lightly brushing against hers, but now he slowly pulled away. His hand dropped from her face, falling to his side as he took a step back. He was slightly upset and disappointed. There was no way for her to mistake that expression on his face for anything else. A look of relief was painfully clear on her face when he stopped touching her. She had gotten what she wanted. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when he realized that he was at a loss for words. What about his love for Julia? She was gone, and there was little he could do about it. He spent six years in total mourning for her, and now that he was awake both figuratively and literally, what good was it for him to mourn over her now? Sure, a part of him still missed her, still dreamed about her, still loved her, but he was in reality now. The dream ended; dreaming would do him no good now. Faye was in the reality. She was a shot at happiness, even if she weren't a shot at love. Julia would have wanted him to be happy, one way or another. 

"What does love have to do with anything, Faye?" She didn't expect that question from him, nor did she expect his blunt tone. It had caught her off guard, and now a feeling of uneasiness washed over her in waves. He did have a point though. She should have known better. She must have forgotten more about their affair over the years than she ever thought. Love was never part of their relationship before. Why was she so concerned with it now? More importantly, why did it even _matter_? 

She bowed her head down, letting her hair act like a curtain over her eyes. "It has nothing to do with anything." Her voice was low and partially apologetic. She didn't want him seeing the look of defeat in her eyes. For some reason, she felt ashamed. Whether it was for bringing up Julia or for almost surrendering to him, she didn't know. 

"Exactly." Even though he sounded as if he were going to approach her again, he didn't. Spike didn't move for a long time; his eyes were staring at the ground in front of him. What used to be many different thoughts roaming through his head was now replaced with a familiar emptiness. The void of nothingness. He didn't want to think about what had passed or what had almost happened. Right now, he needed a cigarette… badly. Since he didn't trust his body or mind even with the silence that filled both, he kept his hands buried in his pockets. Without looking up, he said, "You should get dressed." 

The tension that was between them was now too thick for both of their likings. Feeling that there was nothing more to be said at that point of time, he walked away from her without looking back, but if he had, he would have seen the regret dance in her eyes. Silently, she watched his retreating form, trying to take in every detail that she could with her eyes. The bastard still enchanted her, even when he made her self conscious and nervous. Sometimes, that man was just too sexy for his own good. It was then that she remembered why she ever said, '_Yes_,' to him in the first place. 

He was what she liked call, '_Sex on Legs_.' 

When he turned the corner, she let out a long sigh. Her legs started trembling beneath her, so she reached out and leaned onto the wall that was nearby. If she would have to go through anything like that again, she wasn't sure if she would be able to resist. Faye had missed his touch, and feeling it again made her body feel like a rainforest. How long was she going to keep up this dance around him? Sooner or later, they were going to have another confrontation like this again, and even the mentioning of Julia wouldn't be able to save her. 

Now that she thought about it, a pang of guilt struck her when she recalled the look on Spike's face. She brought up that name. She had brought up the one thing that would cause an emotional reaction within him instantly. Inside, she knew that she shouldn't have brought Julia up, but she needed a way for him to back down. That was the only way that she thought of at the time. Even though it had worked, she now wished that she hadn't mentioned it at all. She knew all about the pain of having old wounds being torn open. She knew the pain only too well. Now, there was no way of knowing what he was going to do. Deep down, she knew… 

…She shouldn't have touched his. 

  
  



	5. Drives Me Wild

**Author's Note**: Now, I know that I said that chapters 4 and 5 were originally meant to be one long chapter. Well, after writing chapter 5, which is about 8,700+ words in case if anyone was wondering, I noticed that I still hadn't reached the point that I meant to get to. Basically, now chapters 4-6 were meant to be all one big chapter. Hopefully, I won't have to break it into a fourth part. This explains why I left this off with a lovely cliff hanger at the end. Don't kill me. Also, if anyone happens to think that Spike and Faye are acting OOC, I would like to point out that you try wanting to hit and kiss someone at the same time. You don't make very rational decisions. 

I really do appreciate the reviews, and I thank all the people that have read this far. The story is a whole lot longer than I originally expected. I'm on page 50 in Microsoft word. This thing has taken up a life of its own. Anyway, enjoy, and one last unimportant yet fun trivia fact: If I did make chapters 4 and 5 one long chapter, it would be exactly 17,031 words you would have to get through. =] 

  
  
**_

The Subtle Moments

_**

Chapter 5: …Drives Me Wild.

  
  
**Day 31**: 

"I'm sick of this!" Jet didn't look up when Spike stormed into the room yelling. He was busily cutting his bonsai trees since he had nothing better to do. This had been one of the few days where everything on the ship had been relatively relaxing. It was only more enjoyable because he actually had gotten enough sleep within the past week. Faye had listened to him for once and stopped drinking as much. He only had to go out one night to get her in the past ten days. Improvements were always blissful. 

This morning had been different from most than the BeBop had seen. This one had gone peacefully enough, and, of course, it wasn't surprising that someone would come in screaming to mess it all up. It had to happen just when he was finally working on the finer details that required more attention, damnit. Lady Luck was never really big on being on his side. 

"I'm seriously sick of this shit!" Spike yelled again, standing right behind Jet. He knew that Jet was working on his bonsai and trying his hardest to ignore him, but Spike knew it wouldn't last very long. This was important shit, too. It was apparent to Jet that he was angry about something, but it was even more apparent that Jet didn't give a damn. Jet never gave a damn about anything when he was working on his little trees. 

"What shit?" The bored tone wasn't missed by Spike, just merely ignored. Spike leaned over Jet's shoulder and glared at him. 

Holding up a mass of his green hair, he shoved it in Jet's face. "**This** shit!" Jet looked up at him with a, '_So what's your point_?' expression on his face. This was the only thing that Spike was all worked up about? He had to be fucking _joking_. "I want a haircut. **Now**." 

Turning his attention back to his bonsai trees, he continued to carefully trim them with his pair of well loved scissors. He didn't want to have to pay attention to this, but he knew that Spike would just keep on going with his ranting if he didn't give him at least one person to turn to. He just knew his partner that well. He should be able to anyway after living with the bastard for technically six years. 

"Ed does that now. Go ask her." Jet didn't turn around to see the look of horror that spread across Spike's face. Go to Ed? Was Jet _insane_? Before Spike could say anything to argue, Jet cut in, "I'm not wasting my damn money on **your** hair. Ed cuts her own hair all the time and does a nice job of it. She'll do yours for free. Plus it'll give her something to do. Now shut the Hell up and go get it done. I want your bitching to continue elsewhere." 

Spike thought about saying something to Jet's remark. Things had become slightly tense between them since Jet became clued in on everything that had been happening, but it was known by everyone that they were trying to make their conversations run as smoothly as possible. It didn't always work so well. Now was not the time to start up a fight with the older man, and he knew it. Feeling defeated, he left the room to go find Ed. Silently, he was praying that she wouldn't cut off his head by mistake. 

**Day 45**: 

Spike gladly handed over his money card to the impound worker with a smile on his face. He would have paid almost anything to get his Swordfish II back. It had taken over a month, but finally Ed had tracked it down for him and told him which impound it was at. Obviously, it was on Mars, but there were so many there. She called it his belated '_Welcome Back_' present. 

He didn't know how to thank her for it, but obviously she saw the way that he watched Jet and Faye go off for bounties. He would go by the large window and watch them soar off with a look of longing on his face. He wanted his ship back since he first woke up. When Jet eventually told him that it had been impounded, he was surprised the rush of adrenalin that the weaker man had experienced. Ed was the only one that was actually willing to look into getting the ship back, though. 

Taking the appropriate amount of cash off his card, the impound worker handed it back to Spike. Spike was now a couple hundred-thousand wulong lighter, but now he had his better half back. It was worth it. Any crazy amount that the worker would have asked for was worth it. 

Jet didn't know that he had come out here to do this, but it didn't matter what the old man thought. He wanted his ship back and there wasn't a damn thing that Jet could do about it. He was getting bored just sitting around the ship all day with basically no one to talk to. He ended up spending more time with Ed than he ever would have imagined. She was a funny and entertaining girl; he was now actually able to tolerate her since she wasn't so hyper all the time. It was still slightly hard for him to get used to everything that was different on the ship. He was a man that didn't appreciate change, and considering that fact, he was adjusting to everything fairly well. 

It had been a long walk there, but now that he had his ship back, it would only be a few minutes before he would be back in the hangar with a smile on his face. Now that he had his baby back, all he had to do was get back into peak condition so that he could go on bounties again. He needed the action. If he weren't careful, he would get a serious case of Cabin Fever, and no one knew how bad that would get. 

Slowly, but surely, everything was starting to come together again. It was a comforting feeling, like watching his wounds heal every time he came back from a hard bounty. It was the only thing that kept telling him everything would be alright. Everything would be okay in the end. Lighting up a cigarette as he walked to his old friend, he quietly looked up at the sky. 

Just another day without rain… 

**Day 72**: 

With the last of his strength, he gave the punching bag one final swift kick in the side. Dropping to the floor, he raised his hand in the air and caught the bag on its way back before it hit him in the head. Small streams of sweat traveled down the length of his body as a feral smile spread across his face. He hadn't felt this good in, well, years. Letting go of the punching bag, he stood up and ran a hand through his hair. 

His breath came in small puffs of air as he closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He was finally in the condition that he was aiming for, and it had happened much faster than anyone had anticipated. Soon, Jet promised that he would start taking Spike out to catch bounties again. He couldn't explain how much he had been waiting for Jet to say that. Staying on the ship all day was starting to get under his skin. He didn't mind being able to sleep in as late as he did now, but that didn't mean that he enjoyed doing it all day everyday for the past two months. He wanted out. 

Besides that, everything had been quiet recently. Faye stopped drinking almost all together, Jet and he were now on comfortable levels of conversation again, and Ed was just Ed. As nice as it was to finally get some peace of mind, too much of it was unsettling for Spike. He was an easily restless soul, and right now he needed some action. He was almost tempted to go out and get drunk in Faye's place just so he could get roughed up a bit. It would be entertaining, but he knew that he would get Hell for it from both Jet and Faye. They were like mother hens, not as much as they used to be, but they still were. Jet especially. 

On top of that, his female companion still invaded his mind every five minutes. Brooding over Faye was now just a part of his daily routine, but it was strange how he barely saw her throughout the day. She became like a shadow. When he did see her, she looked happy enough. He was the only person who could tell if it were honest or just a façade. He never had the time though; she would disappear whenever he came into the room, avoiding him like the Black Death. 

It was true that they hadn't exactly ended their last meeting on a happy note. That might have been why, but it would be hard for him to settle everything out if she kept avoiding him. It was crazy; this whole ship was crazy. He needed a day off. Well, he had several days off, but now he needed a day off from rest. Weird things start happening when one has nothing to do. They start imagining stuff, or maybe it was all real? It wasn't up to him to make that decision anymore. Nowadays, he just sat back and went along with the flow, not like that prospect bothered him much. It was just the endless _silence_ that was getting to him. 

His ears perked up, and his head snapped to the side. He had a faint noise, or at least he had. The quiet sound of someone walking either toward or away from him, he couldn't really tell which one. It wasn't uncommon for him to hear stuff that wasn't there, but recently it had been happening so often that he was starting to wonder if it really was his imagination. Even it was just his ears playing tricks on him, he scanned the area where the sound came from with his brown orbs. 

Nothing was there, but he couldn't shake the feeling of eyes on him. 

**Day 85**: 

His craving for bounties was now officially quenched after his constant bugging of Jet to let him go. They were both small fries, but it was still better than nothing. It didn't make returning to the BeBop any easier though. It was starting to be really creepy to him. Everything was going along just a bit too smoothly for the past couple months. That and the fact that Faye avoiding him was seriously starting to piss him off. It had almost been three months since he woke up, and still nothing had been solved. It was just damn frustrating. 

To make matters even worse, when he wanted a moments peace, that _feeling_ of someone watching him wouldn't go away. He tried seeing who it was time and time again, but he never saw anyone. He didn't even know if someone was actually there. Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him, causing him to over react because he had been so restless before. 

It made the days longer, and he knew that it never really happened at the same time everyday. That fact within itself made the idea almost unbearable. It would randomly creep up on him sometime throughout the day; luckily it never happened while he was in the shower. That was part of the reason why he thought that he wasn't just making this feeling up. Most of the time he would be sitting in the living room, the rest of the time it would be while he was in the kitchen, halls, or in the gym. 

To say the least, being watched while he was working out was by far the most uncomfortable thing that he ever felt. If he was just being self conscious about his training, that would have made sense for why he felt it there, but not why he felt it all the other places. This was like a puzzle that wouldn't be solved until someone just came up and flat out told him the answer. 

He had promised himself though, one way or another, he'd find out what was going on. Either he was being stalked… 

… Or he was just insane. 

**Day 104**: 

Not a damn thing had changed. This was beginning to go way beyond cruel and unusual punishment. 

**Day 123**: 

Dear fucking God, he hadn't meant for it to happen. He hadn't _wanted_ it to happen, but it had. Now he was staying in the seventh layer of Hell for it. Spike knew that he shouldn't have just bluntly confronted Faye wherever she might have been, because the ingenious place he decided to pick was the bathroom. He knew she was in there. Spike fucking _knew_ that she was in there taking a shower, but he just went and charged in anyway. How stupid was he? He picked the **bathroom** of all places, when she was just getting out of the **shower**, no less. 

To be honest, what was said didn't matter to him at all. Even after the harsh words in the living room to the slap in the bathroom. That didn't matter to him. All he knew was that within a matter of seconds, she was pressed against the bathroom wall with their bodies completely aligned and her towel thrown onto the floor, by him, of course. Now that he thought about it, he was surprised that she had kissed him back as eagerly as she had. They were both starving for something they had missed for so long. 

Now as he was standing in the bathroom by himself with a shocked look on his face, he had the memory of her smooth skin stuck in his mind. Her soft, pale skin that felt just as good under his touch as he had last remembered. He didn't understand how much he had really missed it until he caressed her like he had. It was as though he had tasted Heaven all over again. 

Even though they had such an enthusiastic start, Faye had quickly pulled away when she realized what they were doing. The scared look in her eyes almost went unnoticed, but he saw the look before it turned into anger. Why she acted like that, he didn't know, but whatever she was trying to do, it ended up slightly pissing him off. Maybe that was the whole idea; he sure as Hell didn't know. She had left soon after they got into another verbal battle. That damned woman was just impossible at times. 

Even so, he still needed to talk to her, needed to think things over, or at least that's what he told himself. He was trying to be the reasonable adult here, the one who thought things through and wanted to compromise. He didn't feel like arguing with her. It was always so amazing how quickly she would just turn all his good plans to shit. He had to go after her again, but maybe his reasons for it weren't so clear. As angry as he could have been, she _did_ look damn sexy with the water clinging to her, with only her towel wrapped around her body, barely covering her skin… 

Fuck, he needed her, period. 

* * *

He was fidgeting. He couldn't help it, but while he was sitting down and watching the TV with empty eyes, different parts of his body would just start moving. Not even the cigarette was safe from being constantly twitched in his hand or between his lips. It went from running a hand through his hair and chewing on the end of his cancer-stick to constantly reaching for his lighter, which wasn't there, and bouncing his leg up and down repeatedly. He kept forgetting that he gave his lighter to Faye. Why the Hell did he give it to her anyway? 

Ed had been the only one that was ever in the room with the restless cowboy for the last few days, but even she couldn't stand the persistent movement for such a long time. She usually left after not saying anything for a good half hour. Jet already had given up on him days before, calling him crazy when he tried sitting down and watching TV with Spike. It was hard to do since every five minutes Spike would change the way he was sitting on the couch. Jet could remember the good ol' days when Spike could just stay in one damn position for a decent five hours. Could he do that anymore? _No_. 

That damned _feeling_ was the real reason that he was so unnerved. Over the last few weeks, it hadn't let up, and everyone on the ship was starting to see the affect it had on him even though they didn't know what was causing it. This was really starting to eat away at his brain. Maybe he really was going crazy, but he still found himself staring into all the shadows as if he were looking for something. Nothing was ever there, but he did it time and time again. He had really started slacking. All his detection skills were extremely rusty; they would eventually be his undoing if he weren't careful. 

Spike didn't tell anyone about it. He didn't want anyone to suddenly think that he was losing his mind from being on the ship for so long because that wasn't the case. He started to leave the ship and go out for bounties more often. If anything was certain, it was the fact that he wasn't getting Cabin Fever at all. That didn't leave out the possibility that he was completely insane though. Everyone thought he might be; he even started to think it himself. 

Still… The feeling never ended. That wasn't completely true. At times, it did stop, but even then he didn't feel a moment of peace. Wondering what it was drove away the calm feeling and left him just as perturbed as before. If he didn't feel like there were damn eyes on him all the time, then this really wouldn't be a fucking problem. But no, it _was_ a fucking problem and now his normally acceptable mood was going straight to Hell more often than not. 

He could even feel it now, like a soft hand slowly gliding down his skin. It seemed to caress him everywhere, but the touch was anything but soothing. It was maddening, like someone tickling him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He reached for his lighter again, smacking his hand when it came back out of his pocket empty. This was stupid. He was still reaching for the Goddamn lighter when he knew nothing was there. Whenever he was looking for anything, it was never there; like that goddamn stalker person that was well… _stalking_ him. 

When he looked to where he thought the sensation might be coming from, he only saw darkness and shadows. There was nothing there, so why did he have to keep looking over his damned shoulder? This was starting to get much worse than just being irritated constantly. He would kill something soon if this didn't stop. No one should have to put up with this shit at one in the morning. Out of annoyance and frustration, he shut off the TV. 

It was then in the complete silence of the room that he heard soft breathing and a lighter clinking open. Turning toward the sound without thinking, he briefly saw a pale face and jade eyes staring right at him. The end of a cigarette was lit between two red lips, unchanging. Her face looked passive, bored, and yet attentive. In his mind, it finally clicked. No wonder he barely saw her throughout the day. She was too busy spending her time staring at him from the shadows in stead of actually greeting him like normal people do. He had forgotten; they were all anything but normal people. 

Not having a damn clue how long she had been there, he glared at her right before the flame swiftly died. She was the one that had been driving his nuts for days, and now that he just figured out that she was doing it in more ways than one made his body twitch. Who the Hell did she think she was to try to get under his skin like that? Maybe if this hadn't been happening for several weeks, he would have let it slide, but this had gone on for too damn long. 

"What the Hell, Faye?" he snapped at her. She didn't make a sound nor did she bother trying to move, but he could still tell that her eyes were glued onto him. The feeling was still present and as intense as ever. That officially proved that she was the one causing his discomfort for so long. At that moment, even though he was obviously annoyed with her, he couldn't really describe how her gaze made him feel. What was once irritation melted into something completely different when he actually looked back at his stalker… 

Something old and disgustingly common. 

She didn't answer, but instead turned around to leave the room. He didn't know where she thought she was going because he was going to have a word with her about it one way or another. Bolting up, he stood in front of the couch. He probably should have turned the TV off, but that thought never came into his mind, just like a lot of other important messages that his subconscious was sending him as well. He made no movement and gave no sign that he was going to approach her. The new emotion that was slowly washing over him didn't let him trust himself around her. "Where are you going?" 

The silence was only beginning to mock him. He loved the quiet, but it was the dead silence that always got to him. He couldn't see her, but he knew that she didn't look back at him. For some reason, that bothered him. Taking a step closer to her, it was easier to see the outline of her figure when his eyes adjusted to the darkness. She was wearing her wine and black outfit again, but without the jacket. To say that it hugged and fitted every one of her curves perfectly would be a complete understatement. Damn her for always wearing something revealing when he was trying to be serious with her. 

"Why are you going?" he asked in a low voice. He found that he had, at some point, walked up behind her. Now he was only a few feet away from her, and he could see her back muscles move with every breath that she took in. He was so tempted just to run his hand down her shoulder, but he knew better than that. Doing that would only complicate the situation. 

"Didn't I ask you that once?" she said after a long pause filled with deafening silence. She pulled the cigarette away from her mouth and let a cloud of smoke drift around her head. Turning her head to the side so that she could see him through the corner of her eye, she continued quietly, "I did. In fact, it was the same day that you ran off to get your ass killed without giving two shits about anyone else, or is my memory lacking?" Her eyes narrowed in the darkness, causing only thin strips of light to reflect off her jade orbs. 

His face contorted in such a way that she almost had felt sorry for her tone and her words. Almost. It was true though; he had run off not giving a damn about anyone else that he was living with. Ending the dream was all that he cared about at the time. '_I'm not going there to die; I'm going there to see if I'm truly alive_.' What the Hell was all that shit about, anyway? It took a long time for her to realize that she hadn't bought into any of his lies. Maybe he had issues that he needed to solve, but him dying wouldn't fix anything. Apparently, she was the only one between the two of them that figured that one out. 

Her words had stung him. That much was obvious. "Faye," he began slowly. Now that she was in front of him, the many words that he planned on saying to her all flew out of his mind. He was left speechless with only one real thought embedded in his brain. The way that she was looking at him caused the reaction, so he was trying his hardest not to blame himself. It was partially his fault though. Nevertheless, he had to have her. It was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate times for him to do this, but it wasn't really like he had a choice in the matter. She just did that to him, regardless of what was going on when it happened. The only problem was that sometimes the energy from his lust for her would easily slip into anger. This was one of those times. 

"Why the fuck were you stalking me, you crazy bitch?" he yelled at her without thinking. He hadn't meant for the last part to come out, but it was the primal instinct that he was riding on now. Very little he would say after this would be controlled by his mind. Something in his subconscious clicked while he watched her face. The challenge was back, and a small smirk appeared on his face before it slipped back into a frown. He didn't know whether to enjoy the fight that they hadn't had in years or be pissed off at her for pulling all of this in the first place. 

Her eyes opened wide when he insulted her. Crazy bitch? That asshole. Where the Hell did he think that he actually had ground to say that? She wasn't the one that went off on a suicide mission for something that no longer existed. "What the fuck, Spike? Stalking you? Why the Hell would you think up some crazy shit like that?" Her voice was beginning to rise steadily. The heat and the tension were starting to affect her, too. It was too much like old times. They were beginning to learn that old habits really did die hard. 

A low growl came from him as he stood up and narrowed his eyes at her. If he had stopped and taken time to think about what he was going to say, he would have stopped himself. Maybe if he knew what he was doing, he would have controlled his responses; however, he was riding on a high that he hadn't experienced for too long. The words spilled from his lips far too easily. "You've been fucking staring at me for God knows how long! I would call that some type of crazy stalker shit! What? You didn't think I knew?" The level of his voice matched hers as they glared at each other evilly from a distance. He saw the same thing that he was feeling mixing in her eyes. Anger, lust, and the thirst for a real challenge. 

"I've been watching you to make sure if you're okay! Goddamn it! Is that too fucking much now? I can't even worry about you anymore?" She was basically screaming at him now, completely disregarding the fact that Jet and Ed were sleeping somewhere on the ship. Neither one gave a damn at the moment. This had been put off for too long. It was silently decided; this shit would be ended today. 

His blood was boiling inside. Goddamned, he wanted to touch her so badly. He had missed this all too much. The urge to just bury himself in her like he used to was swiftly lighting his body on fire, but that didn't mean that he didn't want to slap her either. Crazy bitch did nothing but avoid him, and now she started stalking him. Everything she did was annoying him to no end. All _he_ wanted were some _fucking_ answers. Just a few Goddamn answers! That and to plain out fuck her, but that was too much to ask apparently. 

"No, it's not fucking okay!" he shouted at her. He wanted to move closer to her, but his legs wouldn't allow it. He was stuck with just yelling at her from a couple feet away, but it was just close enough so that she could see his fists clench. "You have been pissing me off for the last fucking four months! I can't even have a damn discussion with you without you leaving or being a total bitch!" He was starting to enjoy and hate this just a little too much. Everything was starting to happen in extremes with him. In a couple seconds, he felt like he was going to jump her. 

"Me being a bitch? You've been nothing but a whiney asshole, complaining and wanting so damn much from everyone! Chill the fuck out for once!" Faye was starting to see red. He always knew exactly what to say to get a reaction out of her. Luckily, she could do the same for him. She would be damned if she let him win this argument. All his physical wounds were healed, but if he pushed her too far, she would do everything in her power to emotionally destroy him. 

"Wanting so much from everyone? I just want to fucking _talk_ to you, Faye! You know, _talk_? That thing that you do to fucking _communicate_ with other human beings? You obviously don't know what the Hell I'm referring to!" Now was when he finally got the ability to move his legs again. He closed the distance between them and towered over her, forcing her to look up at him. This never did anything to tilt the scales in his favor, but it gave him a sense of power. He could feel the heat coming from her body. He wanted to drink it like wine. He would have given anything at the moment… 

"I'm so damn tired of your babyish shit, Spike!" Her shout was so loud that it silenced anything that was going to come from him. His eyes went blank, quietly waiting for her to say what she wanted to say. "I have done nothing but watch over you, care for you, and put up with you for the past three fucking years. I thought things were going to be different when you woke up, but I was _fucking_ wrong! I should have left you back on Mars to _die_." As soon as she said that, she instantly regretted it. She knew better than to bring up his past, but she couldn't help it. She was so angry, and it was so tempting; she couldn't help herself. 

He was quiet for a while, watching her face for a moment. He was shocked, but her words sparked him into a boiling rage. What the fuck did she know about that? She thought about leaving him there to die? He knew that she could be a bitch, but that was just crossing the line. Spike was starting to wish that she had done just that. His face darkened as he sneered, "Sorry shit didn't turn out well, Faye. Whatcha gonna do? Go to a bar, bawl your fucking eyes out, and get piss drunk all over again? See if I fucking care!" 

She didn't know that he was going to pull that trump card on her. That was about the only thing that she was sure she wasn't ready to hear from him. Why did he always have to hit her where she was the weakest? Tears quickly gathered in her eyes, and she turned away before he saw them. His words were always so caustic and painful. She felt like dying. "I'm going to take a shower to try to get rid of every trace of you on my body. Since you take everything for granted on this damn ship, why don't you go and kill yourself so that you can be with that two-timing bitch you love so damn much? Both of you and Vicious can go fucking rot in Hell." She threw her cigarette at the floor, crushed it beneath her boot, and stormed off before he could say anything. 

He watched her walk away, perfectly still in every way. He felt like he was just slapped in the face. How dare she? How _fucking_ dare she bring Julia into this? She had called her a bitch; she didn't even know anything _about_ Julia in the first place. Spike's fists clenched so tight that he thought he might draw blood. What the fuck was Faye's problem? Everything in his mind was provoking him to find her and beat the shit out of her. He never hit Faye, and he always told himself that he never would, but she tempted him so damn much that it was bringing him to the point of physical pain. 

That vixen was a professional at tempting him in every damn way. He was filled with hatred for her, but he couldn't deny that he still wanted to throw her down and take her like he used to. They were both equally frustrating, and neither feeling wanted to let the other take over. The two emotions were swirling so close together that he didn't know which one was which. Lust and rage filled his veins even when he didn't want them to. He didn't know how long he stood there, but it took that much time for his mind to come up with one final decision. 

Whether it was to slap her or fuck her senseless, he had to go after her. 

With that resolve, he ran to the bathroom and pounded on the door. "Open the fucking door, Faye!" he shouted, knocking on the door again. His body seemed to be acting on his own. Everything suddenly seemed urgent, and he knew that if she didn't open the door soon, he was going to try to break it down. Without waiting for an answer, he tried opening the door, finding that it was unlocked. 

As he stepped in, a wave of steam hit his face before it cleared up. When his eyes were no longer being blocked, he was left with the vision of a dripped wet Faye who was busy calmly wrapping a towel around herself. All thoughts shut down as soon as he saw her like that. He had even stopped breathing for a moment. For just that second, all previous thoughts that involved him hating Faye disappeared and the lust within him took over. A rush of heat that wasn't caused by the steam hit him. She looked so damn good like that. 

It only took a second before she realized that he came into the room and he was staring at her. Her eyes opened wide before she wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to cover up her already covered body. "What the bloody fuck, Spike!" she shrieked at him. She slapped him across the face without thinking. Needless to say, she was still pissed off about what he had said before, but seeing how he just rudely walked in on her infuriated her to no end. No one just barges in on her like that and expects to leave without at least getting hit. 

He took the slap without a word or a movement. His eyes were still unwavering and looked at her. After a short period of time, she locked her angered yet steady gaze with his. Once again, the uncomfortable silence filled the room. Nothing was said or done for a long time, but there was soon one thing that was perfectly understood between the two. Seeing her standing in front of him half naked was quickly causing all his blood to be draining from his brain. She was captured by his eyes, and both of their previous anger was still present but heavily blunted. 

Listlessly, she took a step forward and reached out for his face. Faye had no idea what she was doing, but her body seemed to be acting on its own. She wanted to feel him so badly. It was crazy. This whole day had been crazy. She needed him, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he felt the same. They were fighting because it was the only thing they knew how to do. It was their way of speaking, but it was always so dangerous. 

Right before her hand brushed against his smooth, tan cheek, he grabbed her wrist and spun her around, causing her back to slam on the wall that was originally behind him. Grabbing the top of the towel, he tore it off her body and threw it carelessly at the floor, not giving a damn where it landed. This was how he remembered her. With a look of uncertainty, yet it was a pleading look, one that silently begged for more. He was only too willing to comply. A rush of cold air hit her body right before he pressed up against her, pinning her effectively to the wall. His mouth bent down to devour hers in the same motion. 

Teeth were lightly nipping at her lower lip before she wiggled her hand free of his grasp. For once, she didn't want to be pinned down. She needed to feel him, to feel this. Everything seemed so unreal. Touching him was the only thing she could do to prove the reality. Both her hands shot into his hair, harshly grabbing and pulling at it. She managed to get her lip free of his teeth, but she kissed him passionately only moments after. His skilled hands, which were so effective at killing, smoothly glided down her body. He snuck one hand behind her thigh, and pulled it toward him so that her leg was wrapped around his waist. 

This all felt too good, too real to be true. Tasting her both quelled and fueled a fire within him that he didn't know still existed. Finally, he was getting what he wanted, but why was he so unsatisfied with what was given to him? He needed more, more than what she was offering to him right now. She had driven him to this point; she should have known that he craved her like water. 

He pulled away from her mouth, quickly staring into her glazed eyes before starting to trail hot kisses down her burning neck. Her head was tilted back, still grasping onto his hair. He slowly started rocking against her, not missing how her breathing started to become labored. Faye could feel him pressed right against her. This was better than her memories. None of them did what he was doing to her justice; it felt so good, so perfect… 

That was when she opened her eyes and realized what was going on. She could still feel his lips on her, but a wave of panic set in blocking out all other sensations. She roughly shoved him away from her and placed her hands behind her. Her chest was heaving. He stumbled back, managing to hit his elbow on the sink as she quickly bent down to pick up her lost towel. It only took a few seconds before she was covering herself with it. 

They stared at each other with wide eyes, both pairs darkened by lust, but one was filled with fear while the other was filled with confusion. Neither one really knew what to say because almost anything would sound wrong, but Faye was the one to open her mouth first, whether it was a mistake or not. "What are you trying to do? Fucking rape me, you son of a bitch?" Faye hissed at him. His eyes narrowed at her. Why would she think up something like that? 

"The fuck are you talking about? As far as I can remember, you were all hot and ready for it, too!" he growled at her. She didn't give an answer; she felt like she didn't need to give one. Inside her head, her mind was telling her to run, knowing fully well that if she stayed, she would only end up doing something with him that she might regret. For a moment, she paused to say something. Instead, she turned away from him and left the bathroom while yelling, 'Bastard,' over her shoulder at him. 

Placing a hand on his head, he leaned his elbow on the sink. Letting out a long breath, he combed his fingers through his hair. His body was visibly shaking. What the Hell was that woman's problem? Things today just kept getting worse than he originally expected. What had happened between them wasn't like anything that he had originally planned. The fight that they had was just something that had been waiting to happen for a long time. He didn't expect it to occur then, but then again, he didn't expect to almost jump her in the bathroom either. All his planning was slowly going straight to Hell, and staring at that green eyed seductress did nothing to help the situation. 

Several thoughts were still flying through his head, but most of them focused around one idea. Now that he had the memory of what she felt and tasted like, he only wanted more of it. Tiny images of memories and small portions of flashbacks entered his mind. All of them were centered around her. It felt like he was slowly starting to become obsessed with her, and he couldn't really blame himself for it. Just by looking at her, it was a reminder of how things had been. To think that their fights hadn't been nearly that bad for a very long time was a good feeling. 

When he fought with her, it reminded him of how things were at the very beginning when she joined the BeBop. The days had been rough, and even at that time the fights never got as bad as this one did. Even so, there was still the tension and excitement in their voices when they argued with one another. He knew that she felt it as well. Maybe that was the reason that they fought so much in the first place. It was the rush of finding someone that was equal to you in some way, and since it was her that did this for him, it made it all the more enjoyable. He always had wondered what it was like to have her right after she became highly flustered and on the edge… 

As the wheels in his head kept turning and going along with that train of thought, he finally decided that today was going to be the day that he found out. One way or another, he was going to have her, no matter how much coaxing he would have to do. The only shred of reason that he had to justify himself with this idea was that in the end, it would calm both of their nerves and probably flatten out all the rough spots that they had been creating between them. Sex always did that for them; it really was a great stress reliever. 

Exiting the bathroom, he headed down to Faye's room and opened the door without even knocking. It was silly and stupid of her not to lock her room, but she wasn't used to people just walking in on her like he had that day. Twice. She was busy shifting through her clothes and hadn't even been able to get anything on herself yet. The sound of the door being forced open caused her head to snap up and look at the intruder. When she finally made out whom it was, her eyes narrowed into thin, jade slits. 

She lowly whispered, "What the fuck are you doing in here, you fucking crazy ass bastard?" Even though her words were fierce, she saw the look in his eyes. It was the same look that always chased away her sensibility. A part of her dreaded that look, fully well knowing what it meant, but she didn't avert her gaze. What she didn't want was happening. She fell into his spell. Her hands dropped whatever item that she held in her hand back into the drawer and closed it shut. She turned around and crossed her arms over her chest, forgetting for a moment that she was completely nude. That one small fact only managed to make the whole situation worse for her. 

Without looking away from her, he closed the door behind him and steadily walked up to where she was. God, it was taking almost everything he had in him not to just have her right then. Was she really trying to make him snap? Her arms unfolded from their previous position as she looked up at him. Faye was never one to keep the lights on in her room at night, so everything around her was barely visible, even Spike's face that was looming right above hers. Still, she would know that glint in his eyes anywhere. 

"What do you want?" she asked in a huskier voice than she ever had intended. She cursed herself for making it sound more suggestive than it was supposed to be, but there was nothing she could do to change it. Faye didn't even know why she asked that question; she already knew what the answer was. She knew what he wanted the moment that he stepped into the bathroom. It was as plain as day written on his face. That was the reason why she had kissed him like she did. No reason denying what you wanted when it was being offered, but that was before she remembered the fine print that went along with that deal. 

His eyes swept over her face and her form slowly after she asked him that question. What exactly did he want? He had an idea, but he didn't know if it was a good one. The words that she had said to Jet a few months ago were still fresh in his mind. If they were going to do this all over again, he wouldn't hurt her like that. No, he _knew_ what he wanted, and he wouldn't let it end the same way that it did before. 

He could feel her feathery breaths flutter against his face while he was looking down at her. She was just so damn beautiful with her hair down like that; he had no idea how many times he had told himself about that fact. She didn't deserve the treatment that he had given her last time. Even while he was filled with lust, he could control himself just for this. Things would be different, better. They had to be. She shouldn't expect anything less. 

Slowly, he raised his hand and gently brushed it down her arm. This was the moment that he always gave her. It was the official time where two things became perfectly clear. He knew what he had in mind, and he was offering it to her. Now was the time where she could either accept or decline; this part of the deal was completely up to her. 

The heat between them was almost unbearable. The silence was deafening. It was like the calm before the real storm. She chewed on her lower lip as she thought over her options, but it was really pointless. They both knew what was going to happen, and there was nothing to stop it. Well, if it was bound to happen, at least Faye promised herself that she would change the ending to this dramatic story. 

Spike lifted the same hand again, and now the very tips of his fingers were softly moving down her lips, taking in every detail about them. Without warning, her tongue snuck out and wrapped itself around his index finger, drawing it into her mouth. Words were no longer needed. This was the sign he had been looking for. She accepted. 

For nearly a full two minutes, they stood not touching each other with the exception of her mouth sucking on his finger seductively. His eyes watched her, every move that she made, every motion that her tongue carried out. He was lost in the vision of her, knowing the promises that she was silently offering him. They had all night; he would try to fulfill as many as possible. The feeling of her tongue around his finger caused all the heat in his body to rise, but he didn't want to end the moment. He could have been perfectly happy just watching her like this for the next hour. 

She had no idea why she was so content sucking on his finger, but she didn't pull away for the sole reason that she didn't want to miss any reaction that floated in his eyes. Feeling the heat coming from him only fueled her desires. She wanted to touch him, or have him touch her. It didn't matter which way it went, but she needed it everywhere. With her running the tip of her tongue along the bottom of his finger, she opened her mouth and released the digit from her grasp. It was now or never. 

Neither one of them moved for a moment, wanting to cherish the first fully comfortable silence that they had shared in a long time. As soon as the moment was over, he entangled his hand in her violet hair and crushed her lips against his. Only their mouths were touching, but soon they were fully pressed against one another with him slowly pushing her back toward her bed. He was going to drown in her taste and love every minute of it. 

Her hands slid up the front of his shirt and around his neck before she felt the back of her knees hit the edge of her bed. With a low growl, he placed one hand on the small of her back and pushed her down. She dreamed about something like this for the first few months that he was in the coma, but experiencing it was something else. So much pent up desire could be felt; there was no way she was going to let any shred of doubt ruin this for her. 

With one of his hands propping him up, he pulled away from her now bruised lips and let a small smile spread across his face. She looked exactly like he remembered with the exception of her longer hair, but it only added to how he felt about her. He knew that he was panting, but that couldn't be helped. His blood was racing in his veins, and both of her legs were now lightly wrapped around his waist. He would be damned if he didn't have her right then and there. 

He kissed her savagely before pulling away just far enough so that their lips weren't touching. Pulling his hand free of her hair, he placed it on the small of her back before sliding and caressing her body until his hand was resting on her thigh. He pulled her tighter against him as he asked, "What do I want?" Faye nodded her head as she let out several small, hot breaths. She was basically panting as well; the look on her face only excited him further. 

"I want to fuck you," he growled before kissing her passionately. It only lasted for a second before he pulled away again and gave her a sly grin. "Right now, I want to bury and lose myself in you until you can't help but scream my name because you won't be able to remember your own. _That_ is what I want." 

  
  



	6. Within the Darkness

**Author's Note**: After I got so many reviews for the last chapter, I plunged right back into Microsoft Word and started working on this one. I want to thank everyone that has reviewed my story becase you guys have no idea how much reading them made me smile. Anyway, here's the chapter that so many of you had demanded. It's another lemon, but this one is the full one with no breaks in between. I'm still pretty shy about it because I'm not to sure on how it turned out, but hopefully it isn't that bad. 

Anyway, this is the fastest and longest update I've ever ended up making... So I guess the only real thing I can say is **_Happy Fouth of July_**. :3 By the way, this chapter's name came from this really cool FFIV song that's done completely with the violin. The song has nothing at all to do with the chapter, but the name of it just fit. Anyway... The song is really good... You should get it; other than that, enjoy. 

  
  
**_

The Subtle Moments 

_**

Chapter 6: Within the Darkness 

  
  
Faye couldn't really put into words what was happening. Time and everything else was moving so quickly, and yet so agonizingly slow. Her body fell into that old pattern, the old rhythm that she used to know so well. Soon after it had started, she didn't know how she had gotten there. Everything up until this point didn't seem to exist in her mind; in some ways, that was better for her. Now only one thing was true to her. Spike was lying on top of her with a glint in his eyes filled with lust and promise. Maybe this time, she wouldn't be let down. 

She slid her hands down his back and was quickly pulling his jacket off of him. Her moves worked without the help of her mind. She instinctively knew what to do, what he liked, and what he wanted, but her mind was else where. This was so much more than just fucking him. There was the morning after to think about, the consequences that would come afterwards, but most of those warnings were disregarded. A part of her wanted to be with him, wanted to please him. Another part wondered what the Hell she thought she was doing. Nevertheless, a seductive smirk crept onto her face as he waited for her response. 

It wasn't hard to tell that he was holding back just for this, just for her. Even in the heat of the moment, he would wait forever for her if he had to. It was one of the things she ended up enjoying the most about him. He was so patient when it counted... "If that's what you want, then just take it." Her words were just as sultry as her moves. The glint in his eyes changed, turned into something deeper, but it was gone too soon. She opened her mouth to say something more, but she was silenced when his lips pressed against hers. 

Hands were gliding over their bodies, caressing, feeling, pleasuring. The feeling of her naked body pressed up against him was enticing for both of them. Cotton rubbing against flesh on both sides, it was the thinnest of walls between them. Even so, they needed to feel each other without the barrier of clothing separating them. Her fingers made quick work of unfastening each button as their lips met again and again in demanding kisses. Their actions were urgent only because of the previous built up tension and adrenalin. There was no need for them to rush, but neither wanted to slow down. It always felt better this way, _always_. 

"Damnit," she cursed against his lips as she pulled at one of the buttons in the middle of his shirt. The damned thing was being stubborn by not being moved. He lowly chuckled, running his hands down her sides knowing that his actions were distracting her. It didn't matter; he loved messing with her like this. She was so cute when she was frustrated, and it was only over a simple piece of clothing. She tried a couple more times to get it undone while he was kissing her, but the button refused to stay in her grasp. With an agitated growl, she grabbed the open flaps of his shirt and ripped them apart, causing all the rest of the buttons to pop off. 

Spike pulled away from her mouth to look down at his forced open shirt while still caressing her with his fingers. He didn't know that she would get that frustrated with the button. Maybe she was just as riled up about this as he was. The thought that she might actually get rough with him this time highly amused him. A tiny smile appeared on his face when he looked back up at her. "And I liked this shirt to…" Running her hands up his abdomen and chest, she glanced at him beneath her eyelids. Amusement turned back into lust for her. Damn that tempting vixen. 

"Would you like me to stop? I could repair it for you." The tone that she used would have sounded sexy to him regardless of what she could have said. Spike was already like a tight wire ready to snap; she was just merely plucking at it. He grabbed her wrists with one of his hands and pinned them above her head. Pressing his hips down against hers, he kissed up her shoulder until he reached her ear. God, she tasted so good. It was like tasting a small bit of Heaven. He had missed this. How could he have gone this long without it? 

"Never," he lightly murmured in her ear before gently biting down on her earlobe. Her body arched against his as he let go of her wrists and returned his hand to caressing her thigh. Her hands shot up to touch his body, tugging his shirt off his frame so that she could have better access to his skin. It slipped passed her that now everything turned into an urge, a desperate need. It was no longer a matter or wanting or desires. All of this was just as vital as air. He removed his hands from her to let the cotton material slide off, but as soon as it hit the ground, his hands were back on her silky skin. 

He bent his head down to nip at her shoulder while running his hands up her back, causing her to be pulled closer to him. She sighed softly to herself as her hands moved down his sides until they landed on his waist. It was fully set in her mind then; his touch was blissful. With a tiny bit of effort, she pushed his hips back in an attempt to tell him to step away for a moment. With a slight frown on his face, he placed one last kiss on the crook of her neck before he moved away reluctantly. Spike's arms fell limp to his sides as he watched her kneel on the bed before him. His gaze never left her body as her long fingers reached out to undo the button on his pants. 

He reached up with his hand to stroke her hair. It was so soft under his touch, yet still subtly damp from the shower she just took. Even from where he was standing, he could smell her signature scent of wild flowers on her. She was so constant and so random at the same time. With a soft chuckle, he said, "Try not to ruin my pants, Romani. I can go without a shirt, but explaining why I don't have pants will be a bit harder." She looked up at him with a forced frown on her face, but he could see the amusement in her eyes. This was all just an attempt to lighten up the mood, and to calm their nerves. 

Silence overtook him as he watched Faye unbutton his pants. Everything that she did reminded him of having sex with her. Watching her undress him would always almost drive him to the point of saying, '_Fuck everything else_,' before tearing off his own clothing and making her scream out his name. Just looking at her always did something for him. She was definitely a type of eye candy, the kind where just having a small taste of would never be enough. Eating out the whole damn _factory_ wouldn't quench his thirst for her. 

When she undid his pants, she placed her hands on his hips and slid his pants and boxers off his waist and legs. She knew that this part he always enjoyed especially slow. Every touch, every sensation was taken in by him. He was one that took his time on the finer details, enjoying every light touch and caress that he could feel from her. Prolonging this would only build up the excitement and make it just that much better for him. Faye didn't have to look up to know the look on his face. She could feel his desire in the air around him. She had no idea how much he was really holding himself back, but the thought made a smile tug at her lips. 

Just as her hands came down to the top of his knees, he swiftly grabbed her wrists once again and pulled her off of him. Apparently, he was more impatient than she had anticipated. Stepping out of the pants, he kicked them behind him while keeping his gaze locked on her upturned face. When her gaze locked with his, he let her wrists slip from his fingers, not noticing how they fell limply in between her parted legs. He loved staring at her like this, with her hands between her thighs as she was sitting back on her heels. She looked so innocent, and it was only the experiences with her before that told him otherwise. 

They were now fully exposed to each other with nothing to hide behind. Their eyes told the stories of the burdens their souls had gone through throughout their lives while expressing how much this really mattered to them. Their bodies expressed the desire and the need that they both had within them. Nothing was a secret anymore. There was no reason or need for it. They just simply understood each other in a way that no one else could possibly understand. Moments like this were so perfect, so much more than what they were going to do throughout the night. 

He reached out a thin hand and cupped her cheek, lightly caressing it with his thumb. Pulling her toward him with that hand, he leaned over and pressed his mouth against hers, softly at first, but then it escalated into something greater, harder. It eventually became more desperate and demanding. He needed her like he had needed her before, but now he wanted her to be crying out against him as he took her to new heights. This was a shot at a new beginning; he would take it. 

Now both of his hands came up to hold the sides of her face as her smaller fingers wrapped around his wrists. The kiss grew deeper as his tongue gently traced her lower lip, asking for permission to enter her mouth. She silently granted it as her lips slightly parted to let her tongue slide against his. Unlike most others, these kisses that they shared were never a battle; it was never meant to be a duel. It was something more, like a seductive dance that only they knew. It reminded him of how different she was from Julia. Julia might have understood his life and his heart, but Faye understood and captured the essence of everything else about him. Their fights were reserved for their words; their kisses were meant for purely bonding. 

He pulled her face away from his slowly, just enough so that he could stare right into her jade eyes with his mismatched ones. Her orbs were wide and darkened with lust. There was so much to catch up on, and the look in her eyes reminded him of what it was like, of what she would do to drive him completely to the edge, but never pushing him off. The image was so strong, so powerful. He needed to see her do it again. 

"Faye," he whispered to her. Her eyes were still locked onto his not blinking. The difference between his two eyes seemed to glare at her in the face again. They were always so hauntingly beautiful. "Do you know what I want from you right now?" She was confused. What was he trying to ask of her? She searched his eyes for any clues, trying to go over memories of what they had done before to get an idea. She was at a loss for words. Before she could ask what he was talking about, her mouth snapped shut when the realization hit her. 

After a second passed, her lips quirked up into a smirk. "Didn't know you still liked that." He brushed his lips against her again while sliding his hands down her neck onto her shoulders. He pushed down on her slightly, causing her to sit on her heels once again. Pulling her legs from beneath her, she laid down on her bed with her back touching the mattress. All his motions were met with no resistance. This was a showing of trust and remembrance. He ran his fingers down her hips, thighs, and all the way to her knees before gently pushing them open. The smile he gave her was seductive yet genuine only adding to the reaction in her that his husky voice caused. 

"I could never get tired of watching you." 

The feeling of Spike's eyes on her only made the moment more intense. Goddamn, she loved that stare. She trailed her hands over her own chest, down her stomach, and onto the inside of her pale thighs. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back and let out a soft moan. She felt completely exposed to him, but in a deliciously good way. Faye was extremely sensitive, and his eyes were only making it worse. They both had enjoyed this the last time that it had happened, and now that the emotions were barely being controlled, she had no idea what this would eventually cause. Slowly, so that she knew Spike was watching her every move, she moved her hand lower and slid two fingers inside of herself. 

To say that Spike was a voyeur would be an understatement. Faye couldn't describe how many times she had to do something for him while he sat back and watched. She couldn't complain though; she loved every minute of it. What made it even more pleasurable was when he decided to touch her in the middle of her act, not necessarily bothering what she was doing, but just enough to heighten the feeling of it. It never lasted long enough for her to climax, but that only added to it. This was one of the things she didn't know that she missed so much. 

He was looming over her, leisurely dragging his eyes over her lithe frame. His eyes mainly lingered on her face, but he couldn't help but drink in the sight of her. She was beautiful, sexual, sensual… perfect. For the longest time, he was afraid to touch her in fear of shattering the vision before him, but temptation took over, and it wasn't long before his hands glided up her legs to feel her smooth skin. For every moment that she would make this last, he would make her moan once when he finally took her. That was a silent promise he made to himself, one that he would happily carry out. 

Biting on her lip, she tried quieting moan after moan that came from her mouth. What she was doing to herself didn't cause this reaction; it was his damnable eyes. The sensation of his eyes moving along his skin was more incredible than his hands that were actually on her. By how his hands constantly tensed and relaxed, she knew that he was dying to kiss her, but he didn't want to look away. She knew he wouldn't look away until he was tired of her teasing. Just by being with him for as many times as she had, she knew that point wouldn't be too far off from now. 

It was too much. Seeing her like this after so long was bringing him to his breaking point much faster than normal. He wanted to make it last, but his impatience was slowly taking over. He felt so desperate, but he couldn't deny that he still enjoyed every moment of it. Watching her was always one of his favorite things to her with her. She could be so stimulating and entertaining at the same time. Disturbing her now would be like ruining poetry in motion. Still, there was one more thing that he needed to do. 

Leaning over her, he stroked her sides with his fingertips and breathed against her neck causing her body to shudder. Brushing his lips against her jaw, he quietly said to her, "You have no idea how good you look like that." She whimpered at his words. The feeling in the pit of her stomach had already started to build a long time ago. Trying to hold herself back was now a much more difficult task than it originally was. It really had been a long time since she had let something like this happen to her. Her eyes were staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to speak to her again. "What exactly do you want now, Faye?" His hands moved down to her waist, tenderly massaging the skin there. 

She kept looking straight at the ceiling with almost blank eyes. She was so close to climaxing that she could almost reach out and feel it. His words were the only thing connecting her to reality, but even they were maddening. She wanted release. She wanted to be complete. She wanted… she wanted… "_You_," she suddenly cried out as he pulled her hands away from her body and replaced her fingers with his own. Damned, she was still lingering over the edge, but it wasn't enough to make her go over. He was doing this purposely. He always tortured her like this on purpose. His fingers weren't moving at the same speed that hers were before. They were going slower, casually causing her to move away from the edge of ecstasy. 

He smiled to himself, loving her responses. He could tell that she was pretty close to finishing right there, but he had other plans for his funny Valentine. Moving his fingers only a tiny bit faster, he breathed into her ear, "If you want me, you know you're going to have to beg for it, Faye." The cool and calmness of his voice surprised even himself. It was rare that he had this much control over himself at a moment like this, but he was thankful for it. It got his point across to the woman beneath him. She was squirming slightly, causing her body to rub against him. For that second, his composure cracked. 

"Spike," she hissed between clenched teeth. She didn't know how much longer she could hold up, but she also knew that he was going to be true to his word on this. He could be so damn sadistic at times, and he always was when it came to this. She clutched his wrist in her hands, not stopping his hand or slowing it down, just merely holding it. Faye wanted to go along with it, but the sensation of his fingers moving inside her was too much. Thinking properly became a hard task; she knew only one thing. She needed it, needed him… 

"Beg for it, Faye," he spoke in a harsh whisper. He drove his fingers deeper in her, making his demand perfectly clear to her muddled mind. He merely prayed that she would comply soon. He had been watching her too long, and he was now probably just as close to climaxing as she was. Her cry was not missed nor over looked. This was how he liked to have her. Spike wasn't a control freak by any means, but just seeing her like this was amazing. It was almost impossible to describe. 

She tried moving her hips to get more of that friction and feeling that she loved, but the hand that was still on her waist stopped her from moving. Damn him for not letting her move! He should have known how much of an ache she was feeling right then. It was an almost primal urge. A grunt of frustration came from her before another moan escaped past her lips. This was beyond torture. Why wouldn't he just let her let go? 

"Dear God!" she screamed out when he buried another finger into her body while forcing the other two deeper into her. Light was starting to flash across her vision, but she didn't want to let go just yet. She couldn't wait any longer. Finally, her control just snapped. She was tired of his games, no matter how intense and how good it felt. She had waited nearly three and a half years for this day, and she would be damned if she didn't get what she wanted because of some fetish that he had. She pushed his upper body away from hers, not enough so that his fingers left her, but enough so that there was now space between them. He looked down at her with a surprised and confused look on his face. 

Reaching up, she grabbed the tie that was still limply hanging around his neck and pulled his head down with it. His face was a mere inches from hers, but now their eyes were aligned. In her eyes, he saw everything she was feeling and understood. He had pushed her too far, but that didn't mean that he regretted a moment of it. He loved what he did to her too much to regret it. Because he knew that she couldn't see his mouth from that angle, he let a large grin spread across his face. This was too perfect; she was incredible. 

"Fuck you and your childish games, Spiegel!" Faye yelled in his face between clenched teeth. "Stop trying to fuck with my mind and just give me what I Goddamn _want_!" Before she could say another word, he ripped the tie out of her hand and off his neck before he closed the distance between their lips. He gave off a possessive and feral growl as he swiftly withdrew his fingers from her body, threw the stupid tie on the floor, and grabbed her wrists. Before she could even react, she found her hands pinned on the pillow above her head and his other hand back on her waist. What was once frustration on her face melted into shock at the speed of his movements. If she wanted this so badly, that was exactly what he was planning on giving her. 

Positioning himself so that his hips were just hovering over hers, he looked down into her eyes. Her eyes were still defiant, but there was a light in them that it was her way of begging for it. An almost sadistic smile was on his face, but instead of scaring her, it only caused excitement. "If you insist, my Romani..." For an instant, there was nothing said or done, and the silence overtook them. It was peaceful, yet tense. They were only stalling what was meant to happen. With no warning, he harshly thrusted into her; his eyes were completely still while intently watching her face. Her head snapped back as a scream was ripped from her throat. His rough entry surprised her, but the close mixture of pain and pleasure was nearly mind-blowing. _This_ is what she had longed for, the feeling of being filled, being completed because of him. It had been too long… way too long. 

The tightness and heat that enveloped him was the only thing that caused him to stop after he entered her. He didn't remember her ever being this tight. Briefly, he wondered how long she had gone without sex, but he had a distinct feeling that she had lived without it for all three years. If he weren't buried inside of her, he would have felt surprised and more guilt for what she had mentally and emotionally been through, but the tightness of her snuggly wrapped around him coaxed him out of thinking about anything other than what he was feeling. It felt so _damn_ good, better than he remember. It felt like he was taking a virgin all over again. 

Slowly, he began to move within her. Had they not already been so close to the edge and so eager to get lost in one another, they would have been sharing hushed words between them, heightening the passion that was already there. Now, they were too far along to give a damn about talking. All they wanted was to just drown in this feeling, this _sensation_ of being surrounded by each other. Every thrust was made just one notch faster, one step deeper, and harder. Soon, her moans and cries were filling the room, almost completely silencing his harsh breaths and softer sighs. 

His lips were frantically kissing her body anywhere that he could reach. He needed to taste her, all of her, but he didn't want to silence her at the same time. He needed to hear the sounds. Her noises only provoked him to do more to her than what he was already doing. He wanted to just run his hands all over her body touching her everywhere, but they were planted on the bed beneath her, hands bunched up in fists with the white sheets clenched between his fingers. 

Her hands gripped his back tightly with her nails digging and dragging across his flesh. She would end up leaving scars like the ones that she left before, but she didn't care. Every movement he made tempted her to scream out in pleasure. Everything in her body felt like it was on fire. Her legs were wound around his waist, only squeezing him tighter after every thrust. He filled her so well. How had she almost denied herself of this pleasure? One of her hands slid into his hair and grabbed a fistful of it as she cried out again. She didn't want this to end. She wanted it to last forever. 

Sweat was starting to cling to their bodies as their pace increased. How they happed to hold out for this long, neither one knew, but the fact that they did was all that mattered. The longer it lasted, the higher they climbed, closer and closer to the top; the view of the peak was so close. Each time he buried himself in her, a shockwave of pleasure would hit his body. The end was coming soon, but he wasn't physically close enough to her. She was still somehow out of his reach. 

Suddenly, he pulled her toward him so that they were both sitting upright. His mouth closed over hers in a fierce kiss as his hands moved up from her hips onto her back. His strong fingers were stroking her skin; she clung to him with her arms wrapped around him as tightly as they would go. Tongues moved together once again as they kept moving in unison. Each movement one made was mirrored by the other as their passion rose. This was it; this is where he wanted it to end. He clenched his teeth together tightly before plunging into her with one last, hard thrust. Then, she snapped. 

Breaking the kiss, she leaned her head back and screamed out his name when she finally went over the edge. Her climax was long; it almost seemed unending. All the muscles in her body tensed and spasmed. She could vaguely feel her fingers press deeper into his skin, but she didn't care. The feeling was just so amazing. When he felt her muscles close down around him, he soon followed her into ecstasy. He held her tighter to his body as he placed his head in the crook of her neck. His hot breathing silently played over her skin as he rode the crest of his climax. It all felt so damn good, too good to be true. This was the release that they had been searching for. 

After a few minutes, the pleasure slowly ebbed, and they were left holding onto each other with sweating and shivering bodies. His hand lightly rubbed her back, feeling the muscles there bunch and flex with every breath. A tired yet satisfied smile spread across Spike's lips as he calmly listened to Faye's still erratic breathing. It had always felt good to hold her in his arms like this in the end. It was a sign of peace and comfort that he often looked for; he just never thought he would find it with her. Now, all the fights were over, words were forgotten, and actions were forgiven; everything went back to how it had been before. All the tension and previous stress was gone. 

The storm had finally ended. 

As he began to slowly pull away, Faye pulled him back toward her body before burying her head against his neck. Her breath still scorched his flesh, but in a way that relaxed him. "Don't leave me," she mumbled into his skin. Dear God, she didn't mean to make it sound as desperate as it had. She didn't want to admit it, but she needed him. She needed him not to run away from her for just one night. It would change everything, and maybe she would start to forgive him and herself for all that had happened. 

He didn't say anything, but he didn't make a move either. Spike still had a muddled mind after what happened. Not knowing what she was talking about left him confused; his eyebrows drew close together as he thought about her words. He suddenly felt a drop of water fall onto his shoulder trail over his shoulder and down onto his chest. There wasn't anything leaking so that could only mean that… she was crying? He wanted to look at her, but she just wrapped her arms around him tighter as her body lightly trembled. 

"I don't care what you do tomorrow," she whispered with her voice shaking, "just stay with me tonight." She was nervous, so nervous that he would just walk away. Even if he didn't now, what if he left before she woke up again? She had just offered herself to him, and she prayed that he wouldn't just flat out disappear again. The emotional rush that she was having was too strong. She wouldn't be able to take rejection. He reached a hand up and gently stroked her hair. He wasn't going to leave, anyway. He was going to stay from now on. No more running away. 

Lifting his head, he planted a soft kiss on the top of her violet hair. She was still shaking in his arms, but the kiss seemed to have calmed her some. "I told you that I wasn't going to-" she looked up at him with wide eyes that were filled with tears, and then his voice died in his throat. Faye didn't know that the tears were silently falling down her cheeks. The only thing she could feel and see was him, nothing more, nothing less. The look on her face worried him. Is this what he had done? Had staying with her really meant that much? 

"Please," she managed to choke out, "just tell me that you'll stay." If he said no, she was going to panic; she could tell. She didn't want him leaving her again. That much was certain. It was then that she realized she was crying; she was actually crying over this. The tears clung to her face, but she was afraid that if she let him go to wipe them away, he would get up and just disappear. Normally, she was never this emotional, but all her feelings had escalated beyond her control. She couldn't help it. She couldn't help how weak she felt. 

With a small smile on his face, he reached up and brushed a tear away from her cheek. She really was beautiful… "Okay. I'll stay…" 

* * *

Spike couldn't sleep. He had been awake for two hours since Faye had drifted off to the dream world. Since then, he had just been sitting there with too much on his mind and that woman in his arms. He knew somewhere in the back of his head that it was approaching six in the morning. Restlessness had taken over him, and there wasn't a single part of his body that was in the least bit tired. Normally he would have gotten up to watch TV or something of the like, but the warmth of her body was too cozy. 

For the last two hours, he had been doing a couple of things. One of them was wondering about what had happened to this woman that was now lying in his arms. She seemed so different this time than what he had remembered, but did he ever really know her in the first place? She never really opened up to him, and the one time she had tried, it was already too late. By the time she was ready to fully let go off everything she was holding in, he had already decided what he had to do before that. Somehow he knew if he had stayed behind to fully listen to her, he wouldn't have left. 

He softly stroked a piece of hair out of her face as he glanced down at her. That was another thing he had been doing; he had been watching her sleep for almost the full two hours. She had never looked that peaceful before. He had watched her sleep many times, but even then, her body showed the tension in her dreams. Maybe it was because even in them she was fighting to reclaim her past. Now, she had that. How long had she been sleeping this soundly? Maybe today was the first day in a long time; it was possible that her memories could have made her only more disturbed. Now was different, though. She didn't move, didn't flinch, but he did notice that every time he moved away, her whole body would tense. 

Not knowing why, he kept running his fingers up and down the smooth skin on her back. As soothing as the feeling of her flesh might have been, his mind was still unsettled. Over time, he found that that had been occurring more often. Now, it was her words that were deeply unnerving to him. The conversation that they had right before she had fallen asleep was still fresh in his mind. The words kept rushing through his mind; each time he tried to gain more from it. Each time he did gain something that he didn't like. 

_"Faye…" _

"Yea?" 

"I… What… what happened to you?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"You've changed so much… I was just wondering what caused it." 

"… You did." 

"…" 

"Spike, I was lost for a long time after you left. I had such inner conflict with myself because of what- … because of this_. I hated myself for letting it happen, and I hated you for running off like you did. You were the only person that even came close to understanding me… I needed you, and you just left for a life you were supposed to give up a long time ago." _

"Faye…" 

"Don't look at me like that. I hate it when people give me that look, especially you and Jet. It's okay… I'm better now. A life with and without you has taught me a lot." 

"… I'm sor-" 

"I don't want to hear it now. Please, I like everything how it is. Leave the past where it should be and just hold me. If you want to… you can forget that this had even happened in the morning if… that's what you really want. Just let me have this now…" 

"Okay." 

She had fallen asleep only moments after the conversation had ended. His eyes never left her figure since. Every new thing that he found out only made him feel worse for what he did. There was always guilt, and after hearing this, there would always be guilt, but never regret. He left to do what he had to do. It didn't matter to him if they happened to understand that or not. Settling the score with Vicious was his life, his problem. They had been dragged in too deeply in it as it was. 

But now all that was over. He was left with this new, fragmented life that held no promises, only small glimmers of hope. It was hard to describe how he really felt about the whole situation. A part of his mind still felt uncomfortable with the idea of staying like this with Faye. It gave off such a strong impression that wasn't really true. It made them seem like lovers, but they were more like two lost souls that found comfort in each other. Not love, but just comfort. 

As close as Jet was to both Faye and himself, he knew that Jet would never understand what he and Faye shared. To everyone else, it would just seem like they shared their bed together and then fought for the rest of the day. This is what was so hard about the affair. It always sent out the wrong messages, the very wrong ones. Still, he knew as well as she did that they merely fought out of habit, and maybe people would understand that. It was always the other part of their relationship that people might question. They might not have known, but he found himself with her like this because he was trying to find something to hold on to. She gave him a momentary sense of peace, a sense of self. That was all he needed. 

He didn't know what he had to offer Faye, nor if he even had anything to offer her at all. Maybe it was the same connection that made her close to him. Maybe she was finding in him the same thing he found in her. One who has suffered pain and then was forced to carry the weight alone, it was what they shared. Faye needed someone to be there for her so much more than he needed someone for himself. He was used to being a loner; she wasn't as comfortable with it. It was why she kept on coming back every time she had left. 

She lightly shifted in his arms, pressing her face more into his chest. Her body was so warm against his; it would have been the only thing that would be enough to cause him to go to sleep, that and her soft rhythmic breathing. It moved and danced across his skin, causing small goose bumps to rise every time she exhaled. Her arms were loosely draped over his waist while her legs were entangled with his. His legs and arms were starting to fall asleep, but he didn't care. Waking her up wasn't a bright move, and he liked how they were. Sometimes they really did look and feel like lovers. 

He didn't want to disturb her, but he had to get up and move. Just lying there wasn't helping his mind, and his limbs were starting to get that numb and tingly sensation in them. Before he began to move to get up, a thought came across his mind. It would leave the wrong impression on her if he got up and left without telling her. He had a feeling that if he were to get up, he was going to be gone for a while. But after looking down at the sleeping woman, he didn't really want to wake her up either for two reasons. She looked too good like this, and she was never really a morning person. 

Still lying on the bed, he started to think up several different solutions of how to get out of this situation in the least harmful way. Waking her up wasn't the hard part; it was finding a way to wake up that would almost be completely painless. That part was difficult. Thought after thought was thrown out of his head. Nothing seemed to satisfy him, until one idea came to him. It was bizarre, most likely the weirdest one that he had come up with, but it was just crazy enough to work. If he was lucky, it would be a win-win situation for everyone. 

Slowly, he detached himself from her body before he was on his hands and knees above her. He knew that his motions would wake her up, which is why he had to act quickly and get her full attention. A low groan came from her as she groggily woke up. The loss of heat from his figure was surely enough to rouse her from her sleep. Turning her head toward him, she opened her eyes halfway and glared at him. 

She was in the middle of such a good dream. Why'd he have to go and move like that? "Spike, what are yo-" Her words were cut off sharply when she felt his fingers quickly slide into her without warning. Her back arched and lifted off the bed as a low gasp escaped from her lips. What the Hell? It felt like it was still early in the morning, almost way too early in the morning for this. What was he doing up? She wanted to be mad at him for waking her up so soon, but the feeling of his fingers that rhythmically moved in and out of her quelled her anger. 

He couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched the reactions that passed over her face. It was like he could read all her emotions. She was confused, annoyed, and yet enjoying ever second of it. There was always just something special about teasing Faye that he enjoyed. This was no exception. Even though he wanted to stay there and watch her, he knew that he had to go off and think by himself for a period of time. Damn all the things that are actually _important_. He drove his fingers deeper into her, trying to bring her a quick release. 

"Faye," he huskily whispered in her ear. She only whimpered in response as her hands were roughly clutching at his flesh. "Faye, I have to go for a little bit. I'll be back, but I wanted to tell you. I hope you're… enjoying this little wake up call I'm giving you." She moaned in response. This really was starting to be too fun to just walk away from. Grabbing his head, she pulled his lips down to meet hers in a demanding kiss. Damned, she was starting to get him worked up enough to just ravish her. As much as he would enjoy a morning quickie, he didn't have time for it. Maybe if she was up for one later, that would be a completely different story. 

When a final thrust of his fingers took her over the edge, he bit down on her lip while kissing her to silence her cries. As much as he loved to hear her sounds, he knew that it was highly possible that Jet could have been awake by now; he didn't want him to say or do anything about it until Spike was fully ready for it. He pulled away from her when her voice finally died down, noticing the glazed look that was in her eyes. Her eyes slowly closed as she let out a long sigh. It was obvious that what she just experienced was nothing mind shattering like it was last night, but at least it did do a good job of serving its purpose. 

With a last kiss on her head, he slowly moved off of her. Laughing to himself, he saw how she had fallen right back asleep. It was just so… _cute_. Jet told him once how easily Faye could just pass out like that. Hearing about it was one thing, but seeing is truly believing. She was just something else. He quickly scanned the room for his pants before pulling them onto his body. With one last look at Faye, he left the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself. 

Pulling the pack of cigarettes and the box of matches from his pocket, he placed a cigarette between his lips before lighting it and taking a long drag. Nothing like a good cancer-stick to clear one's mind while it fogs his lungs. He slowly made his way to the giant window that they had on the ship. It was the one that he constantly went to whenever he needed a break from everything else. Something about it just called out to him in more ways than one. He stared out into space, feeling at ease with the quiet darkness. Taking another drag, he sighed as the wisps of smoke curled and moved around his head. 

So, now what was there to do? The passionate sex that he had with Faye last night seemed to have partially closed the gap between them, but he would be a fool if he thought this would solve everything. He wasn't stupid; they still had a long way to go, but what was there to do? They had taken the first big step, but it never promised that everything would start falling back into place because of it. It would just stop their fighting for a short while. Even though that part of it was still good, something just told him that momentary peace just wasn't good enough. 

Why did everything have to be so hard for him? His eyes closed as he folded his arms in front of his chest, enjoying the cigarette. This always helped to calm his stressed out nerves. It wasn't long before the next important question drifted into his mind. What did he think of Faye now? For some reason, his opinions of her felt different, but he couldn't quite put his finger on how. He felt responsible and drawn to the jade-eyed woman. Still, she was an enigma to him. When did she become so attached to him? When did the fact she _had_ become important? If she didn't want to be close to him, he would have been upset. But _why_? 

This was too big of an issue for him to try to sort out on his own. He wasn't used to having serious problems like this. If you couldn't kill it or blow it up to make it go away, then he was completely barren for ideas. Reaching out, he leaned against the glass window, gazing out into the blackness of space. Looking out at the nothingness was like looking at himself. For the most part, there was just emptiness, holes and rifts caused by past experiences making him far too bitter. But then there were these lights that shined so brilliantly within him. Sparks of life that were so small, yet so hot, like finding a couple rare diamonds among mass piles of coal. It was what made him beautiful in a way, what made him completely stand out. 

Still, trying to figure himself out wasn't the problem here. His problem lied within his future with Faye. As much as he wanted to pull out a random answer from the air and hope that it was the right one, he knew things would never be that simple. This was a task he needed help with, her help. When Faye officially woke up, he would actually get his chance to talk to her; he would make sure of that. With a light shudder running through his body, he stroked his arms in a hurried motion to cause heat. Damnit, why was the ship so cold? 

"Can I finally go to bed now without worrying about you two ripping out each other's throats, or do I have to lock you both in different rooms for the rest of our lives?" a gruff voice said behind Spike. He turned around and found Jet standing behind him with his arms crossed over his chest. By the looks of it, the bags under his eyes were from a lack of sleep. Spike pulled the cigarette from his mouth and placed one of his hands in his pockets. His trade mark smirk appeared on his face. 

"And what were you doing up so late, old man?" he asked while taking a few steps closer to Jet. Jet's eyes narrowed at his partner. He didn't know how much of a bitch it truly had been to find an open hotel at one thirty in the morning, just so that he could get away. He woke up around the time that they started arguing and knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to stick around. Even so, he had been up all night, and he was in no mood for Spike's teasing bullshit right now. 

"Since you two children can't seem to get along without wanting to kill one another, I had to take Ed, Ein, and myself off the ship to make sure that we didn't get stuck in the crossfire. The two of you can yell way too damn loud, that's for sure." Spike only could chuckle at the angry look on Jet's face. A part of him was relieved in some way. All Jet thought was that a fight had broken out, nothing more. This was somewhat of a small blessing for him, but knowing his luck, he wouldn't be reckless enough to take it for granted. If only Jet knew what had _really_ happened; he probably would have left the ship just because of the sounds they made _after_ the fight had ended. 

Spike calmly smoked on his cigarette while he, for the most part, ignored Jet. He didn't really mean to ignore him, but his mind was too inverted to catch everything that the man was saying. "If it makes you feel any better, I can't really say that I slept all that much either." Jet raised his eyebrow at the younger man. What would cause him to stay up all night? Had their fight really gone that badly? From what he could tell, Spike looked almost completely worn out. 

"Can't really say that it does." Spike grunted in response. "Is Faye okay?" Jet suddenly asked. He grabbed the pack out of Spike's hand when he removed it from his pocket. Sticking one between his lips, he felt around in his pockets for a lighter after tossing the pack back to Spike. If anyone else but Jet had done that, Spike would have shot him, but when you've been with one person as long as Spike and Jet have been together, you let small things like that slide. When Jet figured out that he didn't have a lighter on him, Spike offered him his matches, but he declined. Bringing his metal fingers close to the tip of the cigarette, he snapped quickly. The sparks from the pieces of metal moving against each other managed to somehow light the cigarette. 

Spike stared at Jet in subtle amazement as he smoked his cigarette. "Faye's fine; she's sleeping in her room." He paused for a second, giving Jet another weird look. He must have really been tired. Small stuff like that shouldn't have been able to puzzle and surprise him as much as it did. "I didn't know you could do that." Jet shrugged and pulled the stick away from his lips as a cloud of smoke emerged from his mouth and nose. 

"You didn't ask." Spike nodded as they stood in silence while smoking. They weren't really staring at anything in specific, but they weren't exactly spaced out. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up with both of them, making their thoughts and movements more sluggish. Jet was still partially pissed off that he had wasted so much time and money on looking for a place to stay for the night only to end up where he started off at. Spike was deep in thought about his whole issue with Faye. The silence started to get under his skin. Beginning to walk away, Spike patted Jet on the shoulder. 

"I think I'm going to go crash on the couch instead of in my room. I'll catch you later." Jet smirked to himself. If Spike was really planning on doing that, he was going to be met with a nice surprise. If he weren't so tired, he would have let Spike try to sleep on the couch, but he was far too sleepy to put up with the chance of Spike flipping out. Spike was too noisy and bitchy for his own good sometimes. 

"Don't bother," Jet called out to him. Spike stopped and turned his head around to look at his partner with his eyebrow raised. "Ed's sleeping there." Damn that girl for moving into his favorite spots! This wasn't the first time that it had happened, but she had a _room_… kinda. Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly a room since it was a closet, but it was a sleeping space, nonetheless. Throwing his hands up in the air, Spike let out an exasperated sigh. He dropped his cigarette and crushed it beneath his boot before agitatedly stuffing his hands in his pockets. 

"Fine," he grumbled, "to the bedroom it is." He left the room leaving Jet standing there, still puffing on his unfinished butt. With only the sound of his soft breathing and his bare feet patting against the ground, he made his way back to his room. This was all just too damn annoying. He had stayed up way too late, and he was too tired for this. He really wanted to sleep on the couch. But Ed was there, and now he had to go back to his room and- 

Coming to a sudden stop, he turned around and headed back to Faye's room. He had almost forgotten about her. It wouldn't have gone over well with her if he didn't reappear like he promised that he would. Damned, he really had stayed awake too long for him to think straight. Quietly entering her room, he softly closed the door behind him. Sliding his pants off again, he climbed back into her bed and wrapped his arms around her. She instantly cuddled closer into his embrace and placed her head on his shoulder. She was still asleep through it all, but the way she moved made him think that she was awake. Either way, she looked so calm, so happy like this. He smiled softly to himself. 

He cupped her cheek and gently stroked the soft skin with his thumb. For just a second, it didn't feel wrong. For just that moment, it seemed so right to have her in his arms like this. Fatigue and weariness made that realization go unnoticed to him. Things might have turned out differently if he had noticed then. He did know one thing, though. After looking at her like this, he knew today wouldn't be the last time he would see her serenity. 

"I don't want to forget this…" 

  
  



	7. Fallen So Deeply

**Author's Note**: This AN doesn't really have to do so much with the story besides one small thing. If the chapter is a little bit confusing, especially the beginning, read it over a couple times. Stuff should just start to make sense after a while, and if it doesn't then e-mail me, and I'll explain it. Also, I know there's a lot of open ended stuff in here, and I meant to write it like that. Some things in life are just never explained even after long periods of time. 

Besides that, I wanted to actually share an idea that I got a while ago, which is part of the reason why I didn't update the story sooner. I'm probably going to write another CB fic, but I wanted it to be a joint fic with at least one, but no more than three other writers. If anyone is interested, e-mail me at Fai7hl3ss@yahoo.com and I'll tell you more about my idea, what I'm thinking about having the story on, and a little bit more. That's about it. Enjoy. 

  
  
**_

The Subtle Moments

_**

Chapter 7: Fallen So Deeply 

  
  
She didn't know how she eventually found herself here, but the soft sounds of the rain lightly slapping against the window were going to slowly lull her back to sleep. They were so comforting right now, and she needed that, especialy since her head was hurting so much. Maybe she was out here for a bounty, or maybe it was something else. At the moment, her concept of time was so obscure. She didn't know how long she had been lying there, but her arms and legs felt heavy. Her whole body was just a little bit too sluggish for her personal taste. 

There was a light on, probably from the only one in the room, or was it a light from outside? Either way, she was barely able to see everything that was around her. There were shapes, shadows, not really colors because everything seemed to be a pale yellow. There was a voice in the background and maybe the sound of something clicking…? It seemed so far away, like she was standing on one side of a valley trying to hear the whispers of the people across from her. It didn't really matter, though. Everything entered her head and left it at almost the same exact moment. 

Her empty eyes were still facing straight up… 

  
_"We need to talk, Faye." _

"Mmm… About what?" 

"This." 

  
Smoke was steadily floating around his body as he slightly bobbed his head to the loud music that came from his headphones. It was some type of contemporary jazz that was currently flowing through his ears. Right now, he was resting on the couch trying to block out the rest of the world. Everyone else on the ship was being just so damn noisy that he thought the only escape that he had was through his music. He would have tried leaving on the Swordfish II, but some part of it was broken. That was what Jet was working on at the moment. 

Some where in the background, he could hear that Faye was busy trying to dodge Ed so that she wouldn't get dragged into another day of long shopping hours, or so he assumed. He chuckled to himself when he recalled the familiar look of dread on her face whenever Ed attempted to drag her out to do something like that. Faye thought it was all completely pointless, Ed saw it as fun, Jet had no opinion, and he just didn't care. His eyes were closed, and that officially shut all other realities of the world out. It was just him and the music. Music that was pumping in his ears like the blood in his veins. 

This was the life… 

  
_"What do you mean?" _

"What happens next?" 

"Well… What do you want to happen?" 

  
She was sitting in the living room, playing solitaire again. It was a slow paced game, but at least it cleared her mind with the assistance of the cigarettes and the half empty bottle of beer that were resting on the table. No one was on the BeBop but her at the moment. She didn't mind the silence; it just made the game that much easier. She had won twelve straight games in a row by now, but there was just something addictive about this game that just convinced her to keep on playing. 

Black Seven of Clubs goes on the Red Eight of Hearts. Red Three of Diamonds goes over the Two of Diamonds in the top pile. The Spades group just kept going higher and higher. Move after move, it was a step closer to victory. Card piled upon card in numerical and suit order. Twenty cards were gone, then thirty, then forty, then- 

"Shit… Where the Hell is that ten…?" 

  
_"I really don't know." _

"You haven't thought about it?" 

"No… I mean I have thought about it. I just haven't come up with any answers yet." 

  
Jet could have been doing this. Jet was the one that was _supposed_ to be doing this, but because of a stupid bet, he was left here to clean and repair all the ships. He never did often before because he was too lazy and didn't really care how busted up his ship got, let alone his comrades' ships. If it could fly, then it was ready to go. Now he was going to be stuck in the hangar all week, polishing and tuning everyone's zip craft. Damn it all to Hell. 

He sighed to himself as he grabbed the washcloth from the bucket. Wringing it out, he went straight back to scrubbing the side of the Hammerhead. He was already done with his baby completely, and he was finished mostly with the Red Tail, but this huge piece of shit was making his life a complete Hell. If he had known that he would end up having to do all this pointless shit, then he wouldn't have bothered trying to go flying through that public building. 

It was stupid. _This_ was pointless. He even has to do the damned paintjobs… 

  
_"Do you even have any ideas?" _

"Do you?" 

"I don't come up with the ideas. I live them." 

  
This was the _dumbest_ fucking plan he'd ever come up with. Here she was, standing in the middle of a crowded building, while he and Jet were off trying to corner the bounty. She didn't have a damned idea why she was here, but he said that it would benefit them. '_Just go in there and cause a distraction_.' A distraction that would do _what_? Shows how in depth he was when he created operations like this. Cause a distraction? What the Hell was the point? What the fuck was she even doing here? 

They wouldn't even have to do this shit if _they_ actually listened to her idea. Her plan was the first really detailed one that she had come up with. After all, it was a fairly hefty bounty, and they didn't want to make any slip ups. Her plan was damn near perfect though. It was simple; it was straight forward. Most importantly, it would _fucking work_. Instead, here she was, standing here with just a _distraction_ to make. She'd kill him for this if they messed it up. 

Raising her gun in the air, she fired a whole clip to get everyone's attention. A bomb went off somewhere else in the building. This really was a _stupid_ plan… 

  
_"… I need a cigarette right now. Get me my pack." _

"What the Hell do I look like to you? Do I look like I just would- Unhhh… Oh God… Cheating… Bastard… Mmmm…" 

"We never set up any rules, so I can't be cheating. Now be a good girl and get me my pack." 

  
He'd been in here practicing for about two, maybe three hours already. His whole body ached in a way that brought a smile to his face. If there were ever a way to make him feel complete and at peace with himself, this would have to be it. Beads of sweat were rolling down his back, chest, arms, forehead, Hell, anywhere that he had pores. Even so, he wasn't winded or out of breath at all. He was in control, and the feeling of it was amazing. It was a sign of power that he enjoyed but, for the most part, ignored. 

A sound from the shadows caught his attention. Before, he would have been shocked or alarmed by it, but he had a feeling that he knew what it was. Also, he could sense that someone was in the room long before the sound had even gone off. He finally could do that again. No more small episodes of paranoia. He slowly brought down his foot and looked over at where the noise came from. 

The tapping sound of boots lightly echoed throughout the room as she stepped into the light. A cigarette was between her lips and a sparkle danced in her eyes. She had been watching him again. It was like a new habit that she desperately loved, but now it wasn't met with anger or repulsion. He didn't mind the feeling anymore now that he knew what it was. A wide grin spread across his face. 

"Come here…" 

  
_"Doesn't matter if we didn't set up rules. You cheated." _

"Does it really matter now? I have my smokes, and you already lost." 

"So this is all just a game to you…" 

  
Jet and Ed were out again, and they still didn't know about what was going on. All the same, he threw her down on the bed and pulled her waist towards him. He looked down onto her form to see her skirt hitched up her legs higher than it already was. It revealed almost all of her milky thighs. Her hands were thrown above her head as her chest moved up and down quickly with every sharp breath. 

She was surprised. This was the third night in a row, but it wasn't like she minded it at all. Every time it was something new, something different. It was amazing how he could still surprise her, and how even though this had happened a countless number of times, he was still able to make her feel like he was lighting her skin on fire. He was enchanting in some odd way. She didn't care which way it was; she was already enthralled. 

His hands ran up her legs before he bent over to kiss her. She still tasted the same, but every day he noticed that she had more of a trace of his scent on her. He probably smelled a little bit like her now, too. Didn't matter. She thought it suited both of them well. 

It most likely did… 

  
_"Why the Hell do you always have to twist my words like that?" _

"Who said I was twisting your words? You don't like a challenge?" 

"I like surprises…" 

  
Today was just another tiring day. Just another long bounty, but at least they now had money to buy food once again. Jet was off turning in the bounty before he went to get groceries. He hadn't been sleeping well, so he told Jet that he was going to head back to the BeBop, and now here he was. All he wanted at the moment was to sleep. Sleep sounded so nice since he could get it without having to worry about any injured parts of his body this time. He had actually had taken care of himself. Faye would have been proud, but he didn't think of that then. He just wanted to get in his bed and dream the rest of the day away. 

It would have been so nice, too. Today was a pretty shitty day since it was his birthday as well, and no one had said anything. It wasn't like he had expected them to drop everything and make him a great, big cake, but you know… it would have been nice. Instead, he got a great, big, '_Happy birthday, Spike! Here's a knife across your arm_.' The cut didn't really go that deep, nor did it hurt. It was just a damn pain in the ass. 

When he walked into his room, he carelessly flipped on the light switch. Looking over at his bed with half lidded eyes, he saw something on it and then stopped dead in his tracks. Faye was lying in his bed with only the sheets covering her exposed body, but the way that the linen was placed left very little to the imagination. She smiled at him coyly when she saw him stop breathing for just a fraction of a second. 

Holding the sheets to her chest, she got up on her keens with her legs bare to the open air. "Happy Birthday, Cowboy…" 

  
_"I know you do. But still… We're getting off topic." _

"Yea… I know." 

"I don't really care what happens after today… I mean… If you want to stick around and stay like this, you can. If you want to leave, I completely understand… I don't really expect anything specific from you, Spike…" 

  
She sat in her room on her bed with her hands in her lap. Her body was lightly trembling, but she was too busy trying to keep her eyes open to notice. She could hear Jet yelling at him in the living room from where she was, but she didn't know whether or not to feel bad for him. This fight was just worse than normal. They always hit below the belt; it only stung more with every strike. In a way, she was too scared to move. He was always one that could truly make her afraid that he might lash out at her one day. She didn't want today to be that day. She didn't want that day to ever come. 

Silence was heard for a short while until there was a loud banging on her door. God, she knew it was him, but she didn't want to answer the door. She remembered the look in his eyes right before she had run here. They were so dark, so terrifying… Tucking her legs up to her chin, she wrapped her arms around them and buried her head between her knees. She didn't need this. Not now, not from him. Every time they got into fights now, it hurt more. Everything suddenly became so personal. She didn't want to fight anymore. 

The pain just hurt too much… 

  
_"I know… No strings, right?" _

"It's just that… Things are different now. It can't just be like that anymore. I… Hell, I don't know what I'm talking about…" 

"… I can't give you any promises, Faye. None that I can assure you that I'll keep." 

  
The ash from the end of the cigarette fell off and sizzled against the wet ground. He had been standing out there waiting for the last two hours. It had rained that day; in fact, it was still in the process of raining while he was standing out there. His green hair was practically clinging to his face, but it wasn't as bad as the feeling of his drenched suit. It clung to his body, but all of those things were unnoticed by his mind. He was just out there waiting for her to come back. 

She was supposed to be back a long time ago; they had sent her out on a bounty that they knew she would be able to handle by herself. Still, hours had passed, and she wasn't home. Jet said that they weren't leaving without her. The bounty wasn't even that big, so she shouldn't have been out for even half of this time that had passed. Still, it didn't mean that he wasn't worried because he was. She normally never took this long for a small fry. The fact that she took Ed with her, too, also made him wonder when they were getting back. Stupid women and kids. Jet was right though; they really do grow on you. 

He looked over at Ein who had been sitting by his heels for the past hour. The Welsh corgi was there in silence, probably wondering when Ed was getting back. It was pretty weird and creepy how close that dog was attached to her. The sun had already set a short while ago, and the very last traces of light in the sky were slowly starting to disappear. In another thirty minutes, if their asses weren't back, he'd have to go out and get them. Throwing the used up butt onto the ground, he pulled out another cigarette out of his pocket. He almost was done with the pack, and he just started it when he began waiting for her return. 

Damn woman was making him sign his death warrant by giving him lung cancer… 

  
_"I know you can't." _

"Alright…" 

"… Can I just ask you to do me one more favor?" 

"Hmm?" 

  
In the back of her mind, she knew that it was the sound of the door opening that was softly echoing though her ears. Voices were talking somewhere across the room. She couldn't really pick up who was saying what, but she could tell that there were at least two people. There was a distant feeling about everything in the room. How _did_ she end up here exactly? She tried her hardest to remember something, anything, but her mind was so dark, so clouded. Finally, she started to remember bits and pieces. 

She was… after a bounty, but they had gotten it. She and Ed had gotten it. That was right. She did bring that kid along. Then there was the casino… She had taken Ed to a casino to spend their money. She should have remembered to call Jet, but she had forgotten… Then they were playing and winning money, but the Black Jack table… and… The last chip was in her hand… Ace and a queen… and then… 

"Oh God," she whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek. That last chip. Fucking Christ, that stupid last chip, and her last hand. It was too much for her to handle right now. She didn't need that. She didn't need what he'd never… Shit. The voices were closer now. She wanted to wipe away her tears, but her hands wouldn't move. A small whimper passed her lips. She wanted to get up, she wanted to hear, but only parts of sentences were heard. 

"How…has… this?" 

"…hours… calling… cried… You… Faye." 

"God… was… thinking?" 

"… need… soon… explain…" 

Somewhat heavy footsteps made their way over to the side of her bed. The deeper voice had walked over to her and blocked out the light with his or her, she didn't really know which at the moment, figure. Her eyes were welled up with tears, and the room was getting so dark. It was so cold, but she felt as if she were burning up. The chip was still tightly held in her hand. She felt like it was scalding her, but she didn't want to let it go. It meant a lot to her now. Meant so much, but she didn't want it to mean anything to her at all. The figure placed its hand on her forehead before speaking to her. 

"Are you ready to go home, Faye?" 

"Home…" she murmured. Home… Yes, she did want to go back home. There, she would be able to sleep. That's where she would be able to finally get some rest and then pretend like this was all some horrible nightmare. She wished that it had never happened. Home with this _person_ was starting to seem like a great idea. 

"Yes, home." Such warmth was in its voice. So comforting… Like the rain. Warm arms wrapped around her body holding her in a cradling position. She snuggled closer to the figure because it generated heat. So warm… She was so very cold. 

"Home," she whispered a little bit stronger. Her hand clutched the chip in her palm. In her room, she wouldn't have to worry about what that stupid chip really meant. In her room, she could forget everything about what had happened that night… Everything… She could just blissfully spend another day… 

"… staring… at the ceiling…" 

  
_"I don't want to remember what it feels like to be alone…"_

* * *

"There you go, Ms. Valentine," the ISSP worker said as he handed her back her money card with the money she earned from the bounty on it. Faye's face was serious, but there was a certain light or smile in her eyes. She couldn't resist the lure of money. The bounty had been fairly easy to get, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't appreciate the cash that came from it. Faye held a certain love for money in her heart, and earning this cash only made it better since she was having a relatively good day. 

Edward was waiting in her Red Tail for her. Jet and Spike didn't expect Faye to take Ed with her on the bounty, but it was about time that Ed should start going out for them just like everyone else. Faye was surprised by Ed's performance though. She did a whole lot better than expected. Since the bounty had gone so well and Ed did such a great job, she promised the kid that she'd take her out to a casino for the first time. Jet might not approve of the way she awarded the kid, but Hell, it was her methods, not his. 

"Have a good day, gentlemen," she sighed with a partially bored tone in her voice as she left the office. She never really liked being in there that much. Every time that she did a joint bounty with Jet or Spike, she would let them turn in the bounty. The guys at the ISSP tended to stare at her too much for far too long. It made her feel highly uncomfortable. She wasn't one to feel uneasy under most men's stares, but recently it just felt different to her. It was that and also the fact that the people at the ISSP were somewhat of the _desperate_ kind. 

Walking out into the parking lot, she noticed Ed was hanging on her ship. She was changed into the different outfit that Faye insisted that Ed brought along with her. It was apparent that Ed didn't really like it that much. "Did Faye-Faye get the money?" Ed asked as she got down from the ship's wing. Faye only nodded as she opened up the hood to the Red Tail. Ed bounced in before she even got the chance to sit down. Normally, she would have scolded the kid for taking her seat like that, but today Ed did a half decent job. She deserved some slack. 

The kid was starting to grow up more and more everyday. It wasn't even really fair for her to call her a kid that much anymore, but then again, it never was really fair for Ed to call her Faye-Faye in the first place. Still, she had thought that Ed needed to learn a few things since she was already approaching adulthood so quickly. She started training Ed how to fire a gun a short while back. She called it Ed's eighteenth birthday present. Since then, she started bringing Ed on more bounty hunts with her to get a real feel of what was going on. Ed had got tired of just sitting around the ship all day. Amazingly enough, she was a pretty good shot. She said it was because she played so many shooter games. Faye didn't question anything the kid did it after that. 

Faye slipped into her seat before starting up the Red Tail's engine. Ed had to sit in her lap since there really wasn't anywhere else to go. She would have to remember to ask Jet to finally get Ed a ship of her own when they got back to the BeBop. "Ready to fly, Ed?" Ed let out a shout and swung a cowboy hat that she previously had on her head in the air. Smirking to herself, Faye lifted off and started heading toward the nearest casino. "You're gonna first learn how to bluff Ed. Certain games like… Poker will need that type of lying. You think that you can do that?" 

"I just want a shot at the slot machines," she replied as she placed the hat back onto her head. Faye thought about this for a moment and realized that the kid had a very good point. Naturally, she would be better at cheating something that was man made than lying to someone's face. The kid was much too honest for something like that. 

"Fine, but still, cheating is one of the ways we're gonna end up getting some cash, so I want to see if you can try hacking into the slot machine, okay? Don't make it too obvious, though. We don't want you to get caught right away." Ed nodded as they finally had the casino in their sights. It wasn't anything big or fancy like Faye was normally used to, but it got the job done, and that was all that was needed. Faye had come to this place a lot when she didn't have enough money to go to a more expensive one. She was actually pretty well known there. 

With quick movements, she pulled into a parking spot and turned off the engine. Opening the hatch, she hopped out with her purse in hand. Ed followed close behind her with a smaller version of Tomato in her grasp. Carrying her whole computer in there would have drawn too much attention, but over the years she managed to upgrade it so that it was smaller and more effective. It became very handy and efficient; it was one of the reasons why she was able to start coming on more of the bounties. 

"Now remember Ed," Faye began as she slipped her purse onto her shoulder, "you want to make it just look like you have the extreme case of beginner's luck. Also, try to keep your communicator on at all times just in case if anything goes wrong. I'll probably be around the Black Jack table all night, so at least you'll know where to find me." She looked down at the now young woman with a smile on her face. "Good luck, kid." 

Ed smiled up at Faye. She had an air of excitement around her. This had been one of the few fieldtrips that Faye had brought her on, and every one of them was amazing. She simply hoped that this one would be, too. As soon as they entered the building, Ed's eyes grew wide with amazement. This place was nothing like she had originally imagined. She was going to have such a fun time. She'd have to thank Faye for it later. Before Faye could say anything more to the teen, she ran off to the slot machines, leaving Faye standing alone at the entrance. Sighing to herself, Faye shrugged and headed over to the Black Jack table. 

Ed was walking around the large casino, trying not to trip over her feet. Everything was so big and so bright. She had never been in a place like this before. She tried not to get too distracted by everything around her because she didn't want to trip over something and fall on her face. Before they even left the BeBop, Faye had forced her to wear some tight and restricting outfit that she wasn't really comfortable with. '_It's for the casino_,' she had said, but why did that mean that she had to wear these highly uncomfortable shoes? She wanted to walk here on just her bare feet, but Faye had said something about that not being allowed. 

That didn't really matter at the moment. Right now, she was trying to ignore the people that were gawking at her from a distance. She didn't know what was wrong. Faye-Faye had said that she looked fine, even though there was one problem that she had complained about. Ed chuckled to herself when she remembered the small argument she had with Faye right before they had left. Faye didn't want her to wear her goggles to the casino, but after a lot of shouting and eventual reasoning, Ed pointed out that she couldn't hack into any gambling machines without them. It only took Faye a couple seconds before she completely quieted down. 

They must have been looking at her funny because of the goggles that she still had on her head. Maybe she should have hid them somewhere in her long yellow coat, but there was no time for that now. She found herself staring up at the neon sign hanging right above all the slot machines. Faye never told her that this place would be so big. Oh well, it didn't matter because now was the time for her to do what she did best. She was going to hack machines no one has ever tried to hack before. 

Faye on the other hand was already on the other side of the casino. She had been in here several times before, but now she was just walking around, trying to get a feel for the place all over again. Small things had changed, but nothing that really stood out. It was the same old **Black Diamond** that she had always known and loved. She stayed relatively close to the Black Jack table the whole time, but it was just nice to take a look around. Nothing about the table specifically had changed, but by the look in the dealer's eyes, she knew that the Black Jack dealer knew she would eventually come over there and try to clean him out. Faye had quite the reputation here. 

It had been so long since she had come to a place like this. Over the past two years, she was busy trying to pay off her debts and help Jet repair the ship some. It didn't always work because with Spike back, it was more likely than not that something would go wrong. Most of the time, something had. Still, now half of her debts had been paid, and the ship was as good as it was going to get without actually changing anything about it. They had food, fuel, and most importantly, they had money. 

Jet and Spike would probably be on the ship right now doing whatever it was that they did best. Jet would be in his bonsai room, taking care of his little trees, and Spike would either be working out or sleeping again. She should have called Jet to tell him where they were; she could call him now, but she wanted the amount of cash they were going to bring back to be a surprise. The bounty was only a couple hundred thousand wulong. What was wrong with bringing home a couple million? 

She had no idea what Spike was doing at the moment, but he was probably still sleeping on that ratty old couch that they had. Well, depending on how much Lady Luck was on her side today would determine how good of a mood she would be in when they got back, and when she's in a good mood, let's just say that Spike almost always got to experience the benefits from it. Faye wasn't sure if Ed or Jet knew what had been going on between Spike and herself for the past two years, but even if they did know something about it, they surely didn't say anything. All for the best, she supposed. 

Faye brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and subtly swayed her hips as she finally started heading over the Black Jack table. "How's it going, Ed?" she lightly whispered into the communicator that was hidden within her earring. The sound of a slot machine declaring a win rang through her ears. She took a seat in front of the dealer and flashed him a seductive smile. He merely smiled back as he finished collecting from all the players he had just beaten. 

"Everything is going fine Faye-Faye. I upped the winning percentage to forty percent so that no one would find it strange. If I set it to a hundred, someone would think something is up." Faye glanced at the other players that were sitting around her. She was the only female, and there were two other players besides the dealer, one to her right and one to her left. Both of them looked like they were having a rough night. Their piles of chips were almost all gone. This would be easier than she thought. 

"Good work, kid. Now, I have to go work my magic. I'll meet you in front in an hour or so. Tell me if you're leaving earlier, though." Ed whispered an affirmation before letting Faye and herself head back to their respective jobs. Faye looked up at the dealer once again, only to notice that someone else had taken his place. This new dealer was a young man, and handsome at that. He didn't look familiar here, but then again, it had been such a long time since she was last present at this casino. He could have been working here for over a year, and she wouldn't have known the different. 

Leaning forward slightly so that she could distract the new dealer, she sent a coy smile towards him. Briefly, she glanced at his name tag before looking back up at his face. His ocean blue eyes stared back at her jade ones as he idly shuffled the deck in his hands. "Been working here long, Jax?" she asked with a slightly husky tone in her voice. He smirked back her as he dealt out the new round. Everyone put in his or her opening bid before looking down at his or her hand. Faye had queen and a king nestled closely together. This night would be more than easy. 

"You could say I've been here for a while, Faye Valentine," the man replied before giving out all the hits every player wanted. Looking up at him, she let the smile slip from her face. She was taken back for a moment. Normally, she would have been very surprised that someone like him knew her name, but then again, she did have a very memorable face. The soft smile was put right back into position as she declined a hit. The second round of bidding went by as she tossed in a few thousand wulong. 

"I'm guessing news travels fast in here." She paused, looking down at her hand again. Already, she could feel Lady Luck taking her seat beside her. "How long after they hired you did it take before they warned you about me?" The bids gradually got a little bit higher before everyone was finally ready to show his or her last card. The dealer and she were the only two people who hadn't changed the whole time. His face seemed passive, but there was a certain light in his eyes. There was a sort of self assurance and mischief that attracted her. She was beginning to like him already. 

"You see, Miss Valentine," he began as he slowly ran his eyes over her before he once again lifted up his gaze to meet hers, "they didn't need to warn me about you." Everyone flipped over his or her respective hand revealing what he or she had. The man to Faye's left had eighteen, and the man to her right had seventeen. She smiled as she revealed her twenty, but the smile slowly slid off her face when the dealer revealed his Ace of Clubs and his Jack of Hearts. "They hired me _because_ of you." 

She placed the smile back onto her face as she watched her money get collected by the house out of the bottom of her eyes. "You might have very good luck, Jax, but I think you'll eventually see why I used to be known as Poker Alice." She placed the opening bid back onto the table as she silently waited for him to deal again. It wasn't long before the cards were shuffled, and the next round began. 

After those words were spoken, the challenge had officially begun. Jax and Faye played game after game of Black Jack, and each one appeared to have a fair share of Lady Luck's blessings. She had several drinks in between games, but they did nothing to slow her down. Slowly, the amount that she originally had began to climb until she cleared a million wulong. She transferred all her money onto one chip, and was going to call it quits. A small crowd had been forming around them since the very beginning of their games, watching the two luckiest people play one of the best gambling games of all time. Faye had lost her fair share of the rounds, but it was the way that she bet money that led her to her riches. 

Jax looked up at her when she received her single chip. Leaning over the table, he noticed how it was only the two of them playing now. A devilish smirk appeared on his face as he thought up a proposition for her. If she was really worthy of the title Poker Alice, there would only be one way to prove it. Inside, he hoped that he was right. He had fun playing with this woman. She really was everything they had told him and much more. It was rare for a woman that beautiful to be as good as she was and come here alone. 

"Well, Miss Valentine, you certainly have exceeded my expectations." She smirked at his remark as she lightly twirled the chip in her fingers. This was all she needed. This amount that was in her hand was all that she had come here for. Now she was just sitting here making conversation with the dealer. Even though she sort of did have a man at home waiting for her, she couldn't help but give into a small flirting session with this man. Picking up the deck, he shuffled the cards thoroughly, yet his eyes never left hers. "How lucky do you really think you are?" Faye stopped playing with the chip and rested it in her upturned palm. 

"You've seen what I can do, and you know I can do better." He laid the deck onto the table before bracing both of his hands on the sides of the table. A cryptic smile spread across his face as his eyes stayed locked with hers. If she really was as good, then she wouldn't dream of backing down from this irresistible challenge. 

"How about one final game, Miss?" Faye reached over to cash in her chips into something smaller, but he reached over and grasped her hand. Looking up at him, a puzzled expression came over her face. "All or nothing, Miss Valentine. _All_ or _nothing_." Pulling his hand away since he was sure she got his meaning, he placed the deck before her and backed off. His arms were carelessly crossed over his chest as he silently waited for her decision. 

Putting her chip down in front of her, she pulled a cigarette from her purse and placed it between her lips. Before she could reach back into her purse for a lighter, Jax leaned over the table and lit it for her. Faye took a long drag before pulling the cigarette away from her mouth and letting out a sigh. "Thank you." She eyed the deck in front of her before looking back up at the dealer again. 

The way he was standing and the look on his face made her completely stop for a moment. It reminded her of something. She picked the chip back up in her hand and started to move it through her fingers once more. "Sure. All or nothing. How could it hurt?" She reached out and took the top half of the deck and placed it on the table before taking the bottom half and putting it on top of the other one. Leaning back, she took another drag on her cigarette, waiting for him to deal. 

Before he dealt out the first card, she held up her hand to catch his attention. "I want both of my cards face down, if you don't mind." He smiled, liking her style. In the back of her mind, she knew that this was foolish. She could easily lose all the money that she had just spent all that time on winning. Ed's voice rang through the communicator, telling her that it was time to go. "I'll be there in a minute, Ed. Just wait for me. I have one more game to finish." 

Something about this did feel really strange, though. It sparked a memory within her, one that she hadn't thought about in a very long time. Jax dealt out the four cards, his one up one down, hers both down. This wasn't a game for her to win more money. This was just a demonstration of how good she really was. The look on his face was distracting her though. It reminded her of something like this. It reminded her of the first time she had met Spike. 

He had ended up with a single chip like this in the end when he was playing against her. His luck was horrible, and she had cheated him clean of all his money. Still, she had never had so much fun playing with someone before. He was attractive, as opposed to most of the men that hanged around her table. She didn't really mind playing against him, but that didn't mean that she had felt bad about cleaning him out. She had money that she needed to earn that night. It was just a job she had to do. 

As she spun the chip in her fingers, she found herself thinking more about him. She didn't know why, but suddenly so many memories of them being together flew through her mind. Some of them were bad, most of them were good, and others were just memories that had no feelings attached to them. 

She had been with the man for basically six years, and over time, they only got closer. The last two years of the six were the two that stood out the most in her mind. They had both changed so much in that time. It was hard to describe everything that had happened to them because in a way, they were still exactly the same. There was just something different about it now. They were overall just closer to each other. She couldn't explain how many times she or he would stay up late at night, waiting for the other to come back from a bounty or someplace else. It was strange what they had, yet it was special. 

She had grown close to the reckless cowboy, and now she couldn't deny that she couldn't wait to get home to him. She missed him, missed his touch, missed being with him in general… Every time she was with him, she just felt more important. She felt like her life actually mattered to someone. Not just because they had grown used to her being around them and that they didn't mind watching over her, but because they actually wanted her to be with them. He gave her that feeling, the feeling of belonging, and it only increased every time she would fall asleep in his arms only to wake up in the same position the next day. 

She felt _loved_… 

Her eyes snapped open and into focus when that thought hit her mind. Quickly, she grabbed her drink and downed it. All the other ones had gone down slower, but this was the drink that officially gave her the buzz that she could recognize so easily. Her mind was shutting down and going into a small stage of panic that she had never really become used to. She looked up at Jax as he finished giving himself all the cards that he could afford without going over. Now all she needed to do was reveal her hand. "Are you even going to look at it?" he asked in a softer voice. He had noticed the change in her face. Maybe she was actually worried now that she realized that she could lose all her money like this. 

Faye's face was turning slightly pale. She wanted to ask for another drink, but her hand was shaking. This really was some kind of weird panic attack, but why was it even happening? Wasn't finding out that you might love someone supposed to be a feeling that filled you with joy instead of fear? No... No damnit; this wasn't the way that it was supposed to be. This wasn't supposed to happen at all, and now she just knew that she had to kill the feeling before anything bad came from it. '_The liquor _will_ help_,' she assured herself in her mind, but she wasn't even close to feeling sure. 

"No…" she faintly whispered. Whether it was to herself or to his question, she didn't really know. A small frown spread across her face as she closed her eyes. Placing the glass down, she put her hand in her lap, trying to keep it from trembling. This couldn't be happening. Not to her. Not now… 

After a few slow breaths, she lifted her hand out of her lap and placed her wrist on the edge of the table. She half heartedly reached out and picked up her cards. Without looking at them, she flipped them over on the table, and then slowly opened her eyes. She wasn't looking down at her hand; instead she was looking straight at the dealer's face. It changed in a way that it was easy to read every emotion that was going across her face. He looked astonished and in awe. Too bad that she didn't really care. 

She glanced down at her hand. Lying there on the table were the Ace of Spades and the Queen of Hearts. Too many times had she gotten cards like that when important things were happening. It was too much. Closing her eyes, she let a tear slip down her face before closing her fist around her chip. Grabbing her purse, she stood up and didn't look at the dealer. 

"I have to go now." With that, she turned around and left, not even bothering to cash in the chip into wulong for her money card. The buzz was still within her, but at least it made most of her mind stay quiet. She started walking slowly at first, but gradually she broke out into a run. She didn't know why she was moving so fast, but she just needed to get away from this place. She needed to get away from the very thing that she still held clutched in her hand. 

Pushing the door to the casino open, she tripped over the rug on the outside and landed on her hands and knees. She was already out of breath, but it was only for a short while. Her energy felt used up, and there was just a complete sensation of nothingness starting to wash over her. Ed was standing there, waiting for her when Faye had burst through the door. Bending down, she placed Faye's arm around her shoulders before anyone could ask any questions and started walking her back to the Red Tail. Ed had heard what had happened in the game through the communicator even though she didn't know the results. She would have asked for that if it weren't for the way that Faye looked at the moment. She seemed so scared. 

Ed thought about flying her back to the BeBop, but she then remembered that the Red Tail was running low on fuel. There wasn't any place that they could pick up some fuel that was close by. She would have to call Spike or Jet-person to come and get them. Still, she couldn't just leave Faye sitting in the Red Tail. It would be too crowded for the both of them. 

When they finally made it to the ship, it went from a light rain to a sudden down pour. Ed opened up the hatch and placed Faye into the zip craft before climbing in herself. She didn't really know where to put Faye, so she settled on sitting on the woman while Faye just reclined in the seat. Her eyes were glazed and she seemed to space out for no reason. Whatever was happening to Faye was really starting to worry her. 

Ed hacked into the system in the Red Tail so that she would be able to pilot it with Tomato. Using the computer, she managed to find a close by motel and fly the ship there. She needed a place that they could stay while she tried to contact someone from the BeBop. That place just seemed like a good spot where they could rest and buy some time. 

She parked the ship right outside of the motel and dragged her now passed out friend into the lobby. "I need a room for two, but only for a couple of hours." The clerk looked at her strangely with the soaked Faye still hanging in her arms. Without asking any questions, the man handed her a key to a room and told her where it was. 

"You know, I'll still have to charge you for a full night's rent," he said before Ed had the chance to start walking away. Ed quickly dug into her pockets and pulled out her money card. She handed it over to the man as he took out the appropriate amount for just one night. With a soft, '_Thanks_,' she pulled Faye up to the room as fast as possible. 

The room was nothing impressive, but it had a bed, and that was all that mattered at the moment. Ed plopped Faye onto the bed before sitting down on the floor with her legs folded beneath her. She still had no idea what had happened with Faye. This was all so puzzling to Ed, and she still needed to get either Spike or Jet down here. She was sure that she couldn't fly off to get some extra fuel, and Faye needed her to be there when she woke up. 

Sighing to herself, she rubbed her eyes and let out a yawn. She didn't know how late it was, but when she looked outside, she saw that it was just starting to get dark. Ed didn't know that it was still this early in the day, but she felt so worn out and tired. She wanted to rest just a little bit, but she didn't know when Faye would wake up again. 

Suddenly, the sound of soft crying came from the bed as Ed looked up. Faye was now curled on her side with her back facing towards Ed. This was all just a little bit too strange, yet Ed was extremely worried. What was Faye so upset about? Why did it happen so suddenly? 

Standing up, Ed walked over to Faye and leaned over her. The woman's face was buried in her arms as her body didn't move. She could still hear the very soft cries, though. Maybe it would be better if Ed waited it out a bit, plus she desperately needed a nap. Walking over to the chair, she sat down on it and curled into a ball. Just a short rest… 

She would wake up in a couple hours… 

* * *

He quickly dashed up the stairs before getting onto the floor that he wanted. He had tried getting there are fast as humanly possible. Ed called him about an hour ago, telling him what the situation was with her and Faye, but she didn't tell him anything more about Faye besides the fact that something was wrong with her. Racing down the hall, he came to the door that he was looking for, and opened it without even knocking. The door opened easily, but no sound came from the room when he entered. It was slightly eerie to him when he found it this way, but he was too busy looking for the girls to really notice. 

When he turned his head to the side, he saw that Ed was sitting in a chair by the door. Ed looked somehow different to him. He wasn't sure if he had ever seen her that somber before. It looked like something was on her mind because when he entered the room, she was still looking at the far corner of the room. She looked up at him after a long moment of silence before she slowly rose to her feet. The room was bathed in a soft yellow light that was very dim. Looking around, he saw the bed that Faye was lying on. 

He let out a soft sigh, completely disregarding the left over rain drops as they slid down his face and over his eyes. Things had been going pretty well for a while, and it was strange that something like this would happen so suddenly without warning. Looking down at Ed, he asked, "How long has she been lying like this?" Ed looked back at Faye for a moment, noticing the subtle movement that she made. A frown spread across her face before she looked back up at Spike. 

"She's been like this for hours. She was just calling out some random things. One time I thought that she had cried out your name, but I wasn't sure. Since then, she's just been basically zoning in and out. Now she's just staring at the ceiling." Spike was no longer looking at the woman that was standing beside him. His eyes were glued to Faye as he tried to keep his face as passive as possible. Suddenly, he felt a light hand rest upon his arm. "I know what happened, Spike. I know what happened between you and Faye." 

He looked down at her for a moment; his eyes were still holding that unreadable expression in them. If she knew, that probably meant that Jet knew, but that really didn't matter at the moment. He was sure that topic would eventually come up later, but that was in the future. Right now he needed to get a couple of answers before he would lead both of them home. Looking back up at Faye, he completely ignored her last comment and asked, "God, what was she thinking?" Ed pulled away from him and took the goggles off her head. She twisted them in her grasp as she thought over his question. 

In all honesty, she didn't know. She didn't know what had gone through Faye's mind to make act like this. When this had first happened, all she knew was that Faye was playing one last game of Black Jack, and then suddenly, she heard the tone in Faye's voice change. She had sounded so dead, so unsure of herself. At first, Ed thought that she might have lost all the money. When she had looked over the woman earlier after she had placed Faye in the bed, she did notice the chip that she held in her hands. It was worth a million wulong, but when she tried removing it from Faye's grasp, she only held onto it tighter and rolled away from her. After that, Ed didn't try touching her again. 

Now Faye was just lying in her bed, not moving. She had called Spike a while ago, and she was surprised how fast he had gotten there. It was as if he were just standing around waiting for her to call. She could tell by the sound of his voice when she talked to him that he was worried about what had happened. Ed personally thought that Spike and Jet knew where they were, but apparently she hadn't told them. She had quickly explained the situation, and the overall briefness of the conversation still surprised her. Luckily, he did what she asked and brought some fuel with him, but she had a feeling that she would have to fly the Red Tail back to the BeBop once more. 

"I think that we need to move her and get her out of here soon. When she's rested up, she'll probably be able to explain what had happened. I really wish I knew for sure." She looked up at Spike with the obvious sign that she was worried written in her eyes. He might have known what she had told him, but he really didn't know. He should have seen her, seen the look that Faye had given her… "You should have seen how she was when I first picked her up. She looked terrified. I couldn't understand it. Hopefully, she'll tell you. She has to tell you _something_ about it." 

Spike silently nodded before walking over to where Faye was resting. As his eyes lightly swept over her body, he noticed that she was lightly trembling. She looked pale and feverish, but her eyes were fine. A little bit glazed, but over all, they were all right. Ed was right; there was definitely something wrong with her. Slowly, he reached down and gently placed his hand on her forehead. She felt a little bit warm to the touch, but that was probably because of the liquor that was still lingering in her system. She wasn't dead drunk, so she would be fine by tomorrow. 

When he looked into her eyes, she seemed to squint to get a better view of him. The strange part about it was it didn't seem like she was looking at him but rather through him. She did look so lost. Seeing her like this was just something that he wasn't really used to, and to think that Ed had to watch her for God knows how long before she finally called him. When he forced a small smile on his face, he softly asked, "Are you ready to go home, Faye?" 

He then saw the light reflect off of the tears that were collecting in her eyes. That was when his smile fell from his face. It was surprising and painful to see her like this. Is this how Jet had to see her ever time that she had gotten drunk? Probably, but this was a slightly different case. She wasn't really drunk, but she was definitely out of it. Still, the look in her eyes was slightly disturbing. 

After a long moment of silence, she finally murmured, "Home…" Spike's face remained plain and passive, but his eyes were showing the worry that he felt for her. He needed to find out what had happened to her and as soon as possible. Seeing her like this was just _horrible_. 

"Yes, home…" he softly whispered to her as he lightly ran the tips of his fingers down the side of her face. Her face turned toward his hand, letting his palm cup the side of her face. A faint sigh escaped from her lips as her eyes slowly slid shut again. Bending down, he picked her up, gently cradled her in his arms, and held her close to his chest. She pressed her face against the crook of his neck. Her light breaths fluttered against his neck, but it only brought a smile to his face. 

"Home." He lightly rubbed her back as he turned around and headed toward the door. Ed was waiting there with everything that she and Faye had brought. Her eyes weren't looking at Spike, but instead at the woman that he held in his arms. They both wanted to get her home as soon as possible. Before Spike could say anything, Faye softly mumbled, "… staring… at the ceiling…" He looked up at Ed to see if she knew what Faye was talking about. She shook her head in a sign saying that she didn't know. 

Spike looked down at Faye again with a smile on his face yet a sad look in his eyes. She had looked so disturbed before, but now she could only be described as peaceful. Normally, he wouldn't stay with her throughout the night uninvited, but he had a feeling that she would want him to be there when she woke up. He hoped that maybe then, he would know what was going on with her. 

Finally, he looked down at Ed with a serious expression on his face once again. Even though Ed knew about what had been going on, that didn't mean that he wouldn't try putting up a façade in front of her. Looking away, he pushed open the door with his knee and began to walk out. 

"Let's go…" 

  
  



	8. Author's Note again, sorry

**Author's Note (once again):** This past year has been a real adventure, and I won't cut corners and try to come up with something creative on why I haven't updated in God knows how long. I haven't updated because I've been lazy and busy reading as much fanfiction as I possibly could. Due to this, I have stored up a few ideas, and I probably will change a few things about the past chapters and the new ones which should be coming up within the next couple months.

Mainly, what I've done during the summer is watch anime, read massive amounts of yaoi, and hand edited most of this fanfic. I've finished editing chapters 1-5 by hand (only 1and 2 are done on my comptuer) but there are still things that I need to tweak a bit. Certain aspects of the story have changed, I tried making the dialouge and characters seem more IC, and most importantly, I'm going back over the many grammar and spelling mistakes. So for a while, the only updates that will really be showing up are the chapters that are fully edited and waiting for your approval. Most of the time, the changes will be so small that you won't be able to notice them, but as the fic goes on, you'll certainly be able to tell the difference between the old and the newer version.

I'm probably going to do what others have been doing, and take the safer route so I don't get banned from I forgot about the other website because I never went there, but I'm either going to put the lemons in my livejournal ) or on . Now, for those that might go to my live journal, it's Friends Only, but I do plan on making the lemons open to the public. However, if you have a livejournal, and you wish to friend me and vica versa, just say so in a comment, and I'll add you.

I'm happy to say that the story is almost done. I only have chapters 8-10 left (chapter 10 might be its own chapter, or it could be the epilouge, I dont' know yet) and chapter 8 is I think half way done. I will say that the epilouge is completely finished and editing, so whenever that is put up, you can be sure that I won't have to touch this fanfic ever again.

Anyway, I wanted to say that I am very thankful to those who have reviewed. I can't tell you how happy it makes me, or how shocked I am that I sometimes still get a review every now and then. Hopefully, when it's all said and done, you'll all be happy with my work. At the bottom of the Epilouge, I will leave space to reply to each and every reviewer to show my gratitude, so you can look forward to that later.

Now, I have to stop being a lazy bum and change out of my PJs because it's almost 5PM. What a mess.

Once again, thank you all.

_Ni9h7Ki773N_


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